Family

[Maggiemaggie332]

I want to visit my parents every 2/3 weeks in London from Newcastle (by train) and I’m paying for my own train ticket not my partner. But my partner doesn’t agree and if I do he will refuse to rent? What do you think ?

I came on here for chat, not a mental workout trying to piece the story together

I'm lost. I'm out.

We need more information, OP.

Whilst it doesn't seem unreasonable to want to visit your parents regularly, if you aren't working, how are you going to afford to do this? It seems very self indulgent for a couple on one income where they aren't earning much ( if you say you can't afford childcare, then neither of you must be earning much).

From your post, moving doesn't sound like a good idea as it would leave you vulnerable if your relationship goes wrong.

I think you should of thought of all this before having a baby together.

It is generally money. He said to me I will see how things are with travel and finance when we live together and if we are not happy we just won’t live together anymore. Normal people won’t say that right ? It seems like he knows what will happen

If you agree as a couple living together that it works better for all of you that you don’t return to work then I don’t think he can dictate what you spend money on given he’s getting free childcare. You’d have to agree how you sort out individual spending money e.g. you both get the same amount each month to spend how you wish.
However as you are unmarried not working puts you at more financial risk long term I think.

But if he actually wants you to work and put baby in nursery so you have a bigger family income, I think it’s unreasonable to expect him to agree to fund everything you want.

Does he want you to work OP? Have you always lived with your parents?

So maybe sit down together like adults and have a look at how things will work?

Him being concerned about the money side of things is a valid worry really. As you have decided your not working until the baby is at least two then obviously unless he is in a highly paid job money is going to be on the tight side

You had a baby with no intention to go back to work let's be honest. And if you think you not working, getting very minimum income from benefits and afford going to London every 2/3 weeks via train your on another planet as that is expensive to do.
(you'd not be able to afford it once you've paid around 40% off your bills alone if your oh gets a good income) you'd get nothing an what you do get is family money for your bills. Your oh shouldn't have to pay everything alone.
Also kids go nursery from 10 months plus does them good to mix with other people and thrive

My parents would pay for my travel. He earns 40k a year he’s got the money but to him it’s not a lot of I’m not working

There is nothing in your posts that suggest you even like this Man let alone want to be in a relationship with him.

I get wanting to spend time with your family but if you are trying to build a family with your partner then that has to come first. Every other week is excessive and why does it always have to be you doing the travelling can’t they come to you?

Well it isn't a lot if he's paying everything on his own and for things you all need (clothes etc and baby items as they grow quick and are not cheap. Also with his income you'd not be entitle to benefits only child benefit and thats about £20 a week.

So you would disappear every month for a week or so. Did you not discuss arrangements before you had the baby or he moved? Where does he currently live? Childminders are cheaper and more flexible than nursery.

You're 28 years old and your parents would pay for you to travel that journey by train every couple of weeks? And you can't go back to work until the child is two years old?

Bizarre!

Have you applied for child maintenance yet?

Would the frequent visits continue when the child starts pre school, or school? Your parents will be even older then. At what point will you stop them?

No not yet probably soon

What? You don’t even understand the situation you just judge based on some information. Get a grip.

Exactly! I don’t understand why there are some people here that are blaming me.

@Maggiemaggie332

What? You don’t even understand the situation you just judge based on some information. Get a grip.

The information you've given, on a public forum, where you've asked people for opinions.

Let me just go and bang my head against a wall...

And trust me, even on the small amount of information you've provided, it's clear as day how immature you are

Does it mean you can judge ?

@Maggiemaggie332

Does it mean you can judge ?

You are literally asking for judgement.

Don’t move, you obviously really don’t want to and the relationship doesn’t sound strong enough to make it worthwhile.

Stay in London near your parents but you need to start thinking about working and supporting yourself and your baby.

Yes definitely! Thank you for your reply

I wouldn't move. It would be a disaster. Stay where you are. He chose to move miles away.