If you are childfree (by choice) do you feel you are missing out on a part of life?

[LoganRoy]

Sorry if that sounds goady or is a question you have to field a lot! I am currently childfree and plan to stay that way but I seem to be surrounded by babies at the moment and it’s really made me think. For one, that they (Couples I know who are pregnant or have babies) seem to suddenly have wider social circles - NCT friends, nursery friends, neighbours with children. Second that I don’t have much to add to the conversations, I can ask questions but I can’t do the comparisons with sleeping and food and what nursery to go to. I see everyone bonding over this stuff and I feel a bit gooseberry. I feel it’s only going to get worse as they get older.

I’m still probably 90% certain kids aren’t for me but I still feel like I’m missing out. Has anyone felt like this?

Very glad to be child free at 47. Have hosted 150 volunteers over the last 10 years and a select few now call me "Mum" which is lovely, but they are aged 22-40 so no nappies involved!

@grapewine

Me too. I was actually feeling rather hopeful for once!

Just to chip in here I've noticed that though not entirely du jour, women are (becoming) a lot more open about their regrets r.e. having kids. There's still a huge stigma surrounding it but the conversations are being had.

As to your question. Being childfree is wonderful even though sometimes I think about what a little Vlad would look like I don't want the slog and responsibility just for the sake of seeing what a little me looks like.

No I don’t ever, I just think glad I never had them and stayed true to my decision no man was ever going to tell me he wanted kids, they’d be none from me.

Not remotely. In fact I've been very glad of it this past year - I take my hat off to anyone who had to wfh full time and home school!

There was a period where I got quite lonely as my friends with young kids often got together when I was at work, or would hang out with new NCT friends etc. But I just expanded my social circle with other child free women and women whose kids were older and more independent.

The old friendships are still there but are not the same. But my lifestyle has changed too and I no longer want to do the things we all did in our 20s anyway! I have no regrets at all.

Being childfree is wonderful even though sometimes I think about what a little Vlad would look like I don't want the slog and responsibility just for the sake of seeing what a little me looks like.

This is a bit of a silly response but there’s probably an app that does this

I’m wondering if there is a bingo card for these threads. We’ve had the “kids are actually great”, “why are you on Mumsnet?” what’s next?

@LoganRoy

Being childfree is wonderful even though sometimes I think about what a little Vlad would look like I don't want the slog and responsibility just for the sake of seeing what a little me looks like.

This is a bit of a silly response but there’s probably an app that does this

I’m wondering if there is a bingo card for these threads. We’ve had the “kids are actually great”, “why are you on Mumsnet?” what’s next?

I'm waiting on a "You don't know love until you've had a child".

@overwork

Not at all. I'm a bit different to some posters though in that I really don't like children. It's never been a secret, so when I see my friends with kids the children are not a big part of the conversation. And I very rarely meet up with them with their children (though obviously I see them a little less because if this).

Same!

Well, yes, but only in the sense that any of your life choices tend to mean that you miss out on other things, like being married means you miss out on a single life. I had my only child at 40, having not planned to have any, and my life would have been equally but differently fulfilling had I not had him.

Not at all. Love my life

No, I'm perfectly happy and I have never regretted my decision.

a huge NO for me. Nope, no kids, never wanted em, never gonna want em. Don't feel I'm missing out. Don't feel I'm lacking. Don't feel I'm selfish. None of that. Others have those judgmental beliefs, and they are others' opinions. Not having kids was, so far in life, in the top 3 best decisions ever. And obviously accidents can happen, so thank god no accidental kids either.

I'm actually more grateful I don't have kids when I see others' with theirs, not that I don't like babies and kids, I do...but having my own is NOT for me EVER. So nope, no regrets whatsoever, and society can eff off if they've got a problem with it lol. And I feel no sadness, lack, or anything from it.

To a degree, yes. I accept that being a mother brings with it a whole host of feelings and experiences and access to certain communities that I will never have.

In that regard I am missing out. But I also think there are lots of things I will never do or be and it's part of the same thing.

Is it a shame I won't experience being a mum? A little, yes. But not enough of a shame that I actually want to go ahead and do it

@Rabblesthecat

I’m not a child hater by the way a I’m the bestest auntie babysitter you can find. I just like to return them to their docking station at the end of the day

😂😂

wow, there's a lot of child free people on mumsnet 😂

@YouJustDoYou

wow, there's a lot of child free people on mumsnet 😂

You don't have to look very hard to find the reason. Talk: All Talk Topics is a good place to start, or simply cast your eye down 'Active Threads'. There are chats on all kinds of non-child-related subjects - everything from global warming to fish keeping.

I don't feel like anything is missing. I've never felt broody for children, and my dog fulfills the bit of me that needs to care for something else.

I run my own business and that's very time consuming. One competitor of mine has just given up because they couldn't fit it around the kids (the nature of the business means working a lot of weekends).

As far as I'm concerned they get more interesting as they get older - I used to work with teenagers. Give me a strapping 15 yo teenage boy over a baby any day! At least they've got something to say for themselves. I wouldn't mind having adult kids to visit me for a cuppa when I'm old but I'm not willing to go through 18 years+ of drudgery for that!

I don't mind children - I just don't want one of my own. In the same way that cats are alright, but I'm not going to get a kitten. It's just not for me.

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I knew I never wanted kids from a very, very early age.

Yes, I was the same. I never had a baby doll, or dolls' pram for instance. When I was growing up, there was a craze for Cabbage Patch dolls and then for those ultra-realistic, anatomically correct newborn baby dolls. I was never remotely interested. I liked dolls, but of the crinoline lady type rather than those representing children.

I don't ever remember playing 'mummy' type pretend games. I preferred to pretend I was a witch with a broomstick .

I was the same I remember knowing what dolls were for and how they should be played with, but I just couldn't understand why anyone would be interested in doing that. It didn't seem remotely interesting to me!

There is, however, a picture of me as a toddler pushing the family dog around in a pram - she was ancient by that point and considered walking any distance more effort than it was worth.

This was probably an early indication of having dogs instead of babies

Some really interesting thoughts on here. I remember getting very upset as a child because even then I knew I didn't want any of my own, but I thought it was compulsory and that I'd be bullied into it. I was well into my teens before I realised I had a choice.

Christmas is an interesting one. I love Christmas and have never believed it's all "for the children", and not having any means you can make it whatever you like. However, I do sometimes resent the expectation that I'm happy to travel all over and sleep on blow ups and camp beds like an itinerant backpacker!

Not in the slightest no, I don't have a maternal bone in my body and can't even imagine what broody feels like.
I don't have friends that have children either, I don't have nieces or nephews. My life genuinely is childfree.

I think it's quite interesting that some women feel broody to the point of desperation and others don't feel it at all (and everything in between). I am in the former camp (or was, before I had DS), and to me it felt very primal, and was not simply a sense of wanting one thing over another. So I just wonder what it is that causes broodiness in some but not others. There are undoubtedly people who feel it a bit but make a pragmatic choice not to have them. I suppose my question is whether it's a nature/nurture thing. Why would some of us get the instinct but not others? And if more women are making the choice not to have children these days because of a simple lack of desire, is it down to changes in societal expectations and greater freedom for women causing that change, or has there always been a similar variance, but women in previous generations simply didn't feel there were other options for them? Finally, if it's a 'nature' thing, is it simply nature's way of controlling the population? 🤔

Kids take up 150% of your time. I can understand why my friends don't want children.

I knew when I was a child as well @MarisPiper92 well, for as long as I can remember, really. I always had the sense that my parents were disappointed as they loved children and would've wanted grandchildren but they never said anything to me. I've never regretted it for a minute. My thirties were hardest because some people sort of expect it to follow once you get married. However I've never had that thing where someone has a go at you about it or tells you you're selfish etc. I think I probably give off the impression it wouldn't be well received!

@YouJustDoYou

wow, there's a lot of child free people on mumsnet 😂

And?