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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Mumsnet solutions that amuse / bemuse me

314 replies

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2021 16:06

Relationship problems;

LTB - fair enough when it's dire circumstances, abuse etc. but oftentimes it's when DH/DP grumbles about doing a household task or wants to take a nap.

Change the locks - DH/DP stays out late after going for a drink and neglects to keep in touch with partner / spouse.

Leave his bags outside the front door - see above.

Money problems;

Go part time / full time - are there many jobs where you can even switch like this?

Increase your hours - what? How does this even work. I have never had a job where I was paid / contracted for a number of hours. If I said to my boss that I wanted to increase my hours she would say in rather a puzzled tone; "Fine, come in earlier, leave later, whatever you like".

Noisy Neighbours;

Move to a detached house - um, yes, that's an easy solution. Where I live a detached house is probably €80k more expensive than a semi-detached so cost would be a consideration.

DH/DP doesn't want to get married and/or have children;

Dump him and find a man who does. Often the OP's in these situations are mid to late 30's - are there really hordes of eligible single men out there queueing up to meet 30 something women with a frantically ticking biological clock?

Trying to think of a few more, these are the ones that jumped out at me!

OP posts:
Spysolation · 16/08/2021 23:44

Geocaching.

savagebaggagemaster · 16/08/2021 23:45

Should I leave my 11 year old at home whilst I go out to work all day?

Response: Are you always this overprotective OP? I was walking to school by myself when I was 5.
Do you need help for your anxiety?

paepoyrol · 17/08/2021 00:03

Should I leave my 11 year old at home whilst I go out to work all day?

but also what if there was a fire or they hit their head & became unconscious.

iklboo · 17/08/2021 00:08

Poster says they're on the bones of their arse:

And yet you have internet and phone / laptop to post on here. Your priorities are all wrong.

What do they expect the OP to do - use two empty bean tins and a length of string to communicate and give their children a slate & abacus to do their schoolwork?

ACPC · 17/08/2021 00:11

Take in Ironing? I'd rather STARVE!

lljkk · 17/08/2021 00:12

MN provides instruction manuals on How to make toilet cleaning or dog ownership rather complicated and angst-ridden.

ditto daily cooking, if I'm honest. Little secret: if your cooking is "boring" -- then you aren't hungry. Get some exercise and boiled potatos will taste divine.

user1493423934 · 17/08/2021 03:33

My favourite: OP is trying to organise kids/bedrooms not enough rooms/space etc.
'Put one in the boxroom' 'Do you have a dining room you could use'
If there was a spare room/boxroom the OP would've used it!

And the hatred of weddings too! I think I'm the only MN-er that actually likes going to weddings!

Eekay · 17/08/2021 03:39

I read a thread just now. OP having terrible time with batshit landlord of her rented home.
Poster advised her to "just buy somewhere"
Absolutely classic mumsnetter with zero clue that other people might not have her income or choices.

TooManyAnimals94 · 17/08/2021 07:09

An OP's husband/partner/ boyfriend wants to try something mildly outside what's considered sexually vanilla or (God forbid) buys her lingerie and you will always see the following responses:

He watches too much porn, is probably addicted in fact
What does he think you are? A sex toy!?
Make HIM wear the outfit

Simultaneously, if a man is not very adventurous sexually he is either having an affair, depressed or gay.

tiredanddangerous · 17/08/2021 07:27

OPs husband is a feckless looser who leaves all housework and childcare to the OP, even though they both work full time. He's never changed a nappy or a toilet roll.

500 posters: why on earth did you marry him/have children with him?!

I mean we're all thinking it and definitely all have a point, but it's not much help to the OP now is it?

iBrows · 17/08/2021 08:11

Adopt a retired greyhound.

Get your ducks in a row. Never an explanation as to what that entails.

If your husband doesn’t get back from the pub by 7pm ring his mates / A&E / a locksmith to try to ensure he can’t get in his own house.

You can’t ever be remotely tipsy in case one of your children needs you to drive them to hospital. You must be sober for 18 years as there is no such thing as an ambulance, taxi, friend or relative (although you’ve probably gone NC with the latter two). Does it only apply to children? What if I have my best friend over and she needs to go to A&E but I’m too pissed?!

Also everyone has a personality disorder and / or is gaslighting you - including the greyhound.

BalloonSlayer · 17/08/2021 08:30

My favourite was a poster who lived very near her village school, her eldest DC was already there, her 4 year old hadn't got a place but had been allocated a place in the next village 5 miles away by 60mph single track roads. Buses twice a day, not school times, OP didn't drive, was vvvv short of money and also had a newborn.

She wanted advice on how to appeal this. The advice?

  • learn to drive
  • cycle there. Trailers for your newborn are only about £100

I was tearing my hair out. It was the easiest-winnable school place appeal ever, with a bit of the right advice, but people kept insisting she spend £££££ on a bike with a trailer and cycle 5 miles on deathtrap roads instead.

Mummasdiary2021 · 17/08/2021 08:33

My partner did something mildly annoying - kill him/leave him/ he's useless/awful

This one really pisses me off. No one fixes issues and men have to be 100% flawless!

This is the best thread 🤣

SimonJT · 17/08/2021 08:34

I’ve just seen one on a thread about peeing on the seat, a poster suggesting installing a completely seperate toilet for the persons sole use.

SimonJT · 17/08/2021 08:37

@Mummasdiary2021

My partner did something mildly annoying - kill him/leave him/ he's useless/awful

This one really pisses me off. No one fixes issues and men have to be 100% flawless!

This is the best thread 🤣

I once mentioned that I was going to iron a bedding set as my then partner now husband asked me to. Someone replied suggesting I leave my highly abusive and controlling relationship before it gets worse 😂
MaMelon · 17/08/2021 08:38

If your state school is dreadful or your children aren't soaring academically then consider going private.

It's all about priorities apparently - just go on UK camping holidays, shop in Aldi and drive cars that are years old. These posters absolutely can't get their head around the fact that this is reality for millions of parents, not an lifestyle adjustment that will free up tens of thousands of pounds for private education.

OJandacupoftea · 17/08/2021 08:42

I remember one years ago. Women was asking what sort of things she could make her husband for his packed lunch as she was getting in a rut.

I think she was expecting the answers to be wraps, sandwiches, salads...

Nope what she got was an absolute army of posters telling her she was being abused and why couldn't the useless prick make his own lunch.

She must have confirmed a hundred times that he was an excellent man, she was happy to do it - wanted to in fact- and had loads of time.

I always wonder what the guy ended up eating.

ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff · 17/08/2021 08:46

@tiredanddangerous

OPs husband is a feckless looser who leaves all housework and childcare to the OP, even though they both work full time. He's never changed a nappy or a toilet roll.

500 posters: why on earth did you marry him/have children with him?!

I mean we're all thinking it and definitely all have a point, but it's not much help to the OP now is it?

I agree it isn't helpful but it is a discussion forum so I get why some posters feel the need to state the obvious. Especially when the OP is onto multiple children but the partner has been a waster since the first one.

Whyemseeaye · 17/08/2021 08:58

@iBrows

Adopt a retired greyhound.

Get your ducks in a row. Never an explanation as to what that entails.

If your husband doesn’t get back from the pub by 7pm ring his mates / A&E / a locksmith to try to ensure he can’t get in his own house.

You can’t ever be remotely tipsy in case one of your children needs you to drive them to hospital. You must be sober for 18 years as there is no such thing as an ambulance, taxi, friend or relative (although you’ve probably gone NC with the latter two). Does it only apply to children? What if I have my best friend over and she needs to go to A&E but I’m too pissed?!

Also everyone has a personality disorder and / or is gaslighting you - including the greyhound.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
MaMelon · 17/08/2021 09:40

I'm always very impressed by posters who can get their ducks in a row in a few hours. Our financial paperwork is a bit chaotic to say the least, the printer's usually out of ink, an appointment with the bank doesn't happen overnight, and we both work full time - so if I ever do decide to leave DH (after 27 years it's looking less likely, but I swear to god, if he stuffs one more crisp packet into an empty coffee cup I just might) those ducks will all have died of old age by the time I've coaxed them into a row.

Malin52 · 17/08/2021 09:57

@SimonJT

I’ve just seen one on a thread about peeing on the seat, a poster suggesting installing a completely seperate toilet for the persons sole use.
Grin brilliant.

I always love the ridiculous farce like suggestions people make.

Suspect husband is with another woman on a work trip to NY? Don't just ask him. No. Buy a flight, turn up at hotel, masquerade as a room service person and catch him the act!

Want to let SIL know that she's being a Cf by selling the baby clothes you gifted her? Don't just say you are cross or ignore it and move on. No. Create a fake profile on Facebook and buy them off her. Have another child on purpose and invite her to dinner and dress the child in the clothes once they have reached the clothing age to let her know you know she's a CF.

Wishimaywishimight · 17/08/2021 10:00

I'm so glad I started this thread - the responses have amused me greatly (although I'm not ROFL, nor have I spat out my coffee or awoken my DH with my great guffaws of laughter).

Some more;

SAHM is having difficulty with a DH/DP who feels he rules the roost as he is the only earner and not taking on a share of parental duties. Someone pops up to suggest the OP invoices the DH/DP for childcare and housekeeping work. Does this happen? What would be the outcome? DH/DP: "Oh darling, I do apologise for my lack of consideration and gratitude. Now about this invoice, let me just get my wallet and please do provide similar on a weekly/monthly basis from now on as I have been thoroughly enligtened". Mmm, possibly...

Also, and these 3 have always bugged me;

Poster: "I don't want to read and run." - um, why not? I do it all the time.
Poster: "Placemarking" - ok, why announce it?
Poster: Quotes a previous post and then says "This". What on earth is the point - it adds nothing to the conversation.

Oh yes, what about "this post made my teeth itch". I never ever heard this phrase before MN - what is it supposed to mean? My teeth, whilst not the greatest, have never ever itched.

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 17/08/2021 10:04

Actually I think I'm getting off the point now. It's MN solutions, not MN phrases I should be discussing!

OP posts:
TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty · 17/08/2021 10:16

Have you considered visiting Pedants’ Corner, OP?

Wishimaywishimight · 17/08/2021 10:20

@TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty

Pedants Corner?? Where is that? It sounds wonderful and yes, I think I should pay a visit.

OP posts: