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Original poster

Teenage son wants to move back in with me - husband not happy

557 replies

StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 16/08/2021 09:55

My son is 16, almost 17. I split up with his dad when my DS was a baby and he lived with me full time until he was 13. He moved in with his dad when he was 13. I am happy to go into the reasons for this but this would make my OP about ten pages long. DS was having mental health issues at the time, my ex husband is very manipulative and talked DS into moving in with him.

DS is now much better. He was diagnosed with autism when he was 15 and I think the diagnosis helped him to realise that there is nothing "wrong" with him, it's just that his brain works differently to other people.

DS and his father are starting to have issues. His dad is drinking heavily every night, he has stopped working, cleaning the house, cooking etc. His dad is drunk every night and DS is worried about him but at the same time doesn't want to live with someone who is drunk all of the time, so he wants to move back in with me, which I have no issues with. DS works full time (he has an apprenticeship) but my husband doesn't want him there and has made it clear he doesn't want him there. DS stayed over last night and you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.

I really do not want to tell my DS to go back to his dad's. I am prepared to end my marriage over this issue. I appreciate that DS is 16, almost 17 but he is a child and he needs somewhere to feel safe. DS never says anything negative about his dad normally so things must be quite bad for him there for him to have asked to move in with me.

Does anyone have any advice about how to deal with this without my son realising he isn't wanted there by his step-father?

OP posts:
ilovebrie8 · 27/08/2021 13:43

Great news! Hang on in there...

GoogleWhacked · 27/08/2021 14:34

Great news. A là Dory, just keep swimming OP....

Teenage son wants to move back in with me - husband not happy
Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 27/08/2021 14:55

Mind you, he pissed me off this morning. He text me asking for me to send HIM a copy of my tenancy agreement. I said no and that I would send this to the letting agent, which I was happy to do as I know they would not give him a copy of this.

He said he needed it to prove where he was living. I asked him how a tenancy agreement that did not mention him at all was going to prove where he lived. He was getting arsey then and basically said that if I didn't send it to him then he wouldn't get the house and that would be my fault and he would just have to stay in my house.

So it transpires that he told his letting agents that he was on my tenancy agreement. And now doesn't want to be seen as a liar. Maybe he was going to doctor the copy he wanted me to send to his email. Who knows?

However I just emailed the letting agent (I know the lady who runs the lettings department) and told her the truth and gave her a copy of my agreement and confirmed that he was married to me and currently living in my house. So it's all sorted as far as I know.

I wouldn't have helped him but in the end it helps me because it means he can move out of my house.

OP posts:

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evianlion · 27/08/2021 15:00

Maybe he was going to doctor the copy he wanted me to send to his email.

Sounds like it.

Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 27/08/2021 15:06

I can't think of any other reason why he needed it to be sent to him.

He told me last night that the last thing the agent needed was a landlord reference. I looked at him like this Hmm. I asked why he hadn't just said that his marriage was ending and that he was living in my house. He started going on and on that he was an occupier etc. He kept naming this housing association that isn't my landlord and said he was waiting for a reference from them(!) God, I thought he was intelligent. How wrong I was.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2021 16:08

@StPaulandTheBrokenBones

I can't think of any other reason why he needed it to be sent to him.

He told me last night that the last thing the agent needed was a landlord reference. I looked at him like this Hmm. I asked why he hadn't just said that his marriage was ending and that he was living in my house. He started going on and on that he was an occupier etc. He kept naming this housing association that isn't my landlord and said he was waiting for a reference from them(!) God, I thought he was intelligent. How wrong I was.

He might be waiting a while then for that reference if they aren't your landlord and he's asked them for a reference Grin Grin Grin
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/08/2021 16:23

Whooohooo, what a bit of good news! Not long to go then!

He's a dick if he thought that he'd be able to pull the wool over your eyes in regards to the tenancy agreement. Glad you saw through that and went directly to the letting agent!

SpindleWhorl · 27/08/2021 16:32

If he's prepared to doctor / forge his name onto your tenancy agreement then he's up to no good. It could even be a 'staying put' tactic.

evianlion · 27/08/2021 16:47

@SpindleWhorl

If he's prepared to doctor / forge his name onto your tenancy agreement then he's up to no good. It could even be a 'staying put' tactic.
That crossed my mind too actually.
Billybagpuss · 27/08/2021 19:47

19 days and counting

Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 27/08/2021 21:32

Exactly. Which is why I didn’t send it

OP posts:
overthethamesfromyou · 01/09/2021 17:47

Hope you hanging in there and that his tenancy of the new place is all signed up and watertight

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 04/09/2021 17:52

It'd be a bloody stupid one because housing associations always have a copy so it'd be easy to show he had doctored it.

Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 06/09/2021 14:06

He has picked his keys up this morning! He can't get removals until the 13th September but he has access to the house and can take clothes/books/kitchen things to the new house now.

I'm not going to pretend that I am jumping for joy over another failed relationship but I just need to get through the next few days and it's done. I'm trying to think positively.

OP posts:
FooFighter99 · 06/09/2021 14:23

How has your DS dealt with all this OP, I hope you're both ok

You can now look forward to a stress free future Smile

Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 06/09/2021 15:54

DS is fine, thank you. I just want him to move all of his stuff out now so I can get sorted. I have ordered a bed and mattress now I know he has his keys.

OP posts:
Seafog · 06/09/2021 17:28

I'm so relieved for you that he is finally shifting

cheshirescarf · 06/09/2021 17:37

As the mother of a dd with Aspergers, I know she will never leave home.
It took my dh a while to come to terms with it.
Given the choice, if I had to I’d choose her everyday over him.
Your ex sounds absolutely awful, your poor son.
You know what you need to do, be very careful your dh doesn’t change his mind and then make life intolerable.

swampytiggaa · 13/09/2021 11:47

Good luck for today @StPaulandTheBrokenBones hope all goes smoothly 💕

Original poster
StPaulandTheBrokenBones · 13/09/2021 18:34

Thanks. Well he’s gone. The house feels very strange but I suppose that’s to be expected. I’ve just got to try and get through the next few weeks and also get the house sorted, as it feels really empty.

OP posts:
ThinkWittyThoughts · 13/09/2021 20:03

Unmusmnet-ty hugs to you @swampytiggaa

At least you're not stuck in limbo anymore and your son now has somewhere permanent to stay.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 13/09/2021 20:23

Great update. You'll be fine in your new comfy bed when you get one.

Newestname002 · 14/09/2021 06:07

@StPaulandTheBrokenBones

Thanks. Well he’s gone. The house feels very strange but I suppose that’s to be expected. I’ve just got to try and get through the next few weeks and also get the house sorted, as it feels really empty.

I'm glad he's, finally, gone! The house may feel a bit strange, but I bet the atmosphere already also feels lighter.

Next thing (if not already done) is to change the locks, to ensure he can't just pop back on when it suits him.

Best wishes for a better future, OP. 🌹

B00kMark · 14/09/2021 22:46

Well done - you’ve done exactly the right thing and it will feel strange but it’s the right thing for you as well as your son.

PerseverancePays · 15/09/2021 07:10

Well done, you’ve stuck to your guns all the way through without wavering and kept your house and your son with you. Now you can relax and allow some feelings to surface.
Maybe when the dust has settled do some work on yourself as to why you allow people to treat you badly until you have no feelings left for them.
You’ve done brilliantly. So impressed.