I did something daring today... do you think I'll get a reply?

[aurynne]

I was at the Drs. waiting room today and a gentleman came in and sat by my side. We looked briefly and smiled at each other. I thought he looked like a really nice person, not gorgeously handsome but there was something in him that made me want to know a bit more. He was well dressed and was wearing a name tag but I did not find the way to properly read it without being very obvious. I was trying to find an excuse to talk to him when I was called in to my appointment.

When I finished he was gone. I was just about to leave myself, when I stopped and thought: "What the hell, what do you have to lose?". So I asked the receptionist: "Excuse me, I'm going to be cheeky but, if I pass you a note would you be able to give it to the gentleman who was sitting by my side about 20 min ago?". She smiled at me looking amused and said that it could be arranged.

So I quickly scribbled this on the back of a receipt: "Hello, I am the lady sitting by your side at the waiting room earlier. I was wondering, would you like to go for a coffee one day? If not, I just hope this note made your day. Aurynne, 555-3453", and a smiley face.

I can't believe I did that!!! I'm 45, no spring chicken, but I am feeling quite excited. I have no idea whether the man is married, has a girlfriend, is gay or celibate, but even if I get no answer I am enjoying imagining his face when he gets the note. Which I really hope he gets. I want to know where he works, and why he was wearing a name tag. And what his name is. And most of all, whether he thought he'd like to know me too, or if it was all in my head only.

Do you think I'll get a reply?

Has anyone else done something like this? Please tell me what happened while I nervously wait for a message that may never arrive!!!

I do have a feeling that if a poster posted about getting a note from the GP receptionist from a man they had sat by in the waiting room, there would be a lot of people saying it was a bit creepy too.

@Fiddliestofsticks

Did you not check his finger for a ring while his hand was right next to you?!

Oh no. This means DH is fair game then, he chose not to have a wedding ring.

@Bretoony

Can no-one make a polite approach any more without being branded creepy?

A man approaching a women uninvited is barely any better than him catcalling her in the street - both are a sign of toxic masculinity.

This is very reductive and entirely subjective depending on the perspective of the person and the context so ultimately a completely pointless statement.

This is very reductive and entirely subjective depending on the perspective of the person and the context so ultimately a completely pointless statement.

So you think it's a male right to approach and hassle women as they go about their daily business?

@Bretoony

Can no-one make a polite approach any more without being branded creepy?

A man approaching a women uninvited is barely any better than him catcalling her in the street - both are a sign of toxic masculinity.

Just out of interest, how does a woman invite a man to approach her….?

Just out of interest, how does a woman invite a man to approach her….?

That's the woman's choice to decide.

@Bretoony

This is very reductive and entirely subjective depending on the perspective of the person and the context so ultimately a completely pointless statement.

So you think it's a male right to approach and hassle women as they go about their daily business?

You are the one equating automatically any social contact from a man to a woman is harassment, overtly sexual and otherwise in bad faith.

While this can be the case, equating a man making any social contact with a woman for the purpose of gauging if there is any mutual interest with catcalling is just absolute hyperbole and your follow up reply just demonstrates this further.

To put this in the context of real life.. I can handle a man approaching me and I can handle rejecting him. I have had many polite conversations with interested men. I have also been abused and harassed by men.

Equating them to each other is minimising the bad stuff, demonising the good stuff and FWIW, I absolutely DETEST being made to feel powerless under the gaze of men, which is the rhetoric that you are promoting and not how an attractive bloke smiling at me in the supermarket makes me feel.

@Bretoony

Just out of interest, how does a woman invite a man to approach her….?

That's the woman's choice to decide.

That isn’t really an answer. Are you meant to flutter your eyelashes or wear a sign or something?

You are the one equating automatically any social contact from a man to a woman is harassment, overtly sexual and otherwise in bad faith.

Straight out of the MRA handbook.

Just out of interest, how does a woman invite a man to approach her….?

She wears a hi-vis vest and makes hand signals 🤣🤣

@Bretoony

This is very reductive and entirely subjective depending on the perspective of the person and the context so ultimately a completely pointless statement.

So you think it's a male right to approach and hassle women as they go about their daily business?

Naughty!

You've widened the goalposts and brought 'hassle' into it, knowing that wasn't what you originally said...

A man approaching a women uninvited is barely any better than him catcalling her in the street - both are a sign of toxic masculinity.

Not all uninvited approaches result in women being hassled. Many women have met and married their partners by a chance conversation.

@Bretoony

You are the one equating automatically any social contact from a man to a woman is harassment, overtly sexual and otherwise in bad faith.

Straight out of the MRA handbook.

Are you serious? The idea of the strong domineering alpha male pursuing the unwilling woman lacking any agency in the situation is the literal EPITOME of how male-female dynamics should work according to MRAs and any misogynist really.

The notion that a man cannot approach me as an equal and already assuming that that power dynamic is in play is incredibly regressive and the literal opposite of what we should be holding up as our societal understanding of social norms between men and women.

Also I'm sorry but it's absolutely bonkers what you are suggesting.

Don’t say that, my daughter has her first day back at work today. In a hi vis vest doing lots of hand signals

@Sparklingbrook

Be funny if his wife came in to pick him up just as the Receptionist was handing the note over.

Hilarious!

Fucking hell I'd love to get a note like that. I'm very happy in a relationship but would love to get that note.

@IamaBluebird

Don’t say that, my daughter has her first day back at work today. In a hi vis vest doing lots of hand signals

Ooops!

@WorraLiberty

I wonder if his wife is a Mumsnetter?

Can you imagine the thread?

"AIBU to think my husband should be able to attend a doctor's appointment without being asked out by some woman he politely smiled at?"

Yes. Why do so many women mistake smiling for "He's smiling. He must fancy me" Its so desperate. He's being Friendly is all.

@LimberlostLark

If you really wanted to approach him wait outside

I'm clearly out of touch . Someone waiting outside the Dr for me to ask me out is way more creey (to me) than being passed a note for me to call/not call as I wish.

Ikr? 😂

The note I would read and go "aw how sweet but pass", the waiting outside would make me want to sprint home 😂

@TreeSmuggler

You are braver than me OP - mainly because of getting the receptionist involved. I once had to ask the gp receptionist to rebook an appointment and she acted like I'd asked for a kidney.

This really made me laugh!

@Toomuchtodoo

You're imagining the look on his face when he finds ir. I'm imagining the look on his girlfriend or wifes faces if they happen to find the note! My OH has to attend lots of doctors appointments. He's very friendly and chatty. Does this mean I have to worry hes going to get hit on by lonely predatory women who mistake chatter and smiles for flirting? He's good looking as well.

I think what you did is a little bit creepy and desperate.

Do you not trust your OH?

I can't quite believe the Receptionist agreed to pass on the note. What happens if he gets the note, you turn out to be a deranged stalker and it all ends badly? The man would want to hold the Receptionist partly to blame for passing on the note in the first place. Also you don't know the first thing about him, he could be the deranged one.

Oh, I don't think this is creepy at all!

I used to work in a shop when I was in my early 20s and had this sort of thing a couple of times from men. A passed note, without any weird lechery or leering did make my day (although I had a boyfriend so didn't do anything about it).

I used to skip home to said boyfriend (now DH) and say "well, well, well, look what I got today! Hope you appreciate your clearly very desirable girlfriend "

I'd do the same now if anybody still passed me notes like that...!

Brilliant thread.

@Bretoony

Can no-one make a polite approach any more without being branded creepy?

A man approaching a women uninvited is barely any better than him catcalling her in the street - both are a sign of toxic masculinity.

A man approaching a women uninvited is barely any better than him catcalling her in the street - both are a sign of toxic masculinity. Wow. Arranged marriages will be the only way to pair people up at this rate.