Come and play my made-up game

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

I will ask for advice, and you have to answer using only a quote from somewhere else on Mumsnet. Then you can ask for the next piece of advice. (best to quote the advice question you're answering in case there's cross-posting)

Okay, first question: What should I wear to my cousin's wedding?

What is the best present you've ever received?

'a serious infestation of fruit flies'

I'm starting a new business. Any good ideas for a catchy slogan I can put in the ads?

I'm starting a new business. Any good ideas for a catchy slogan I can put in the ads?

I would sell my nan for a pub shed! ‘the Gardener’s Arms’

I don't know if my marriage is over. When did you know it was time to divorce?

What was your last fight with your mother about?

Nothing.
Quite happy and content without that sort of messy emotion in my life.
Glad for those that enjoy it,but it's really not my ''thing'',bores me to tears

I don't know if my marriage is over. When did you know it was time to divorce?

I don't know if my marriage is over. When did you know it was time to divorce?

'She keeps saying my house is haunted. I live in an old place, 1700’s. I’ve never felt anything untoward here. She’s told me twice that she’s seen something walk down my stairs and that she heard footsteps in my kitchen.'

Why did you leave your last job?

"Why did you leave your last job?"

A woman I used to work always seemed really lovely, until one day as we were leaving she remarked, 'I hate those bastards!'. I was a bit perplexed because we were the only ones there, so asked what she meant, at which point she gestured towards a group of pigeons then ran over to them waving her arms and shouting 'fuck off, fuck off!'. This was an adult woman in a Laura Ashley dress!

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Any ideas of great places i could visit with my 8 year old?

Any ideas of great places i could visit with my 8 year old?

'I recently got a huge plastic outdoor storage waterproof cupboard for this reason.'

What's the best way to break a bad habit?

What's the best way to break a bad habit?

"Wouldn't rice work, like it does for wet phones?"

What a waste of rice though

'

What did your parents get right, when it came to parenting?

What did your parents get right, when it came to parenting?

'they'd be doing all sorts of exercises to do with launching missiles and whatnot'

What's a good sign that I've found my dream home?

What's a good sign that I've found my dream home

It has a penguin bollard outside.

Best cure for a painful boil on the bum?

Best cure for a painful boil on the bum?

"It makes people crap themselves, go blind and causes your intestinal lining to shed!"

Should l leave cones outside my house when I go out, to save 'my' parking space?

Should l leave cones outside my house when I go out, to save 'my' parking space?

I suppose the other option is a helicopter

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Give me some advice on choosing a good primary school for my DS, 5.

Give me some advice on choosing a good primary school for my DS, 5.
Mine just wanted to know my address (for them to look on google maps) and whether we had kids or not. They then said which were suitable for kids. We live on fairly quiet streets in a suburban area. Nearest A road about 5 mins walk away. They didn't specify what they were looking for I'm afraid.

What's your favourite thing about Winter?

What's your favourite thing about Winter?

My neighbours have hot tub parties in their gardens with music full blast.

What can I do about children next door kicking the ball into my garden?

What's your favourite thing about Winter?

parents stick their toddlers on the front on their skis, and then bomb down a slope with them at about 100mph. Occasionally dads have to take avertive action to avoid using their own children as airbags, however.

What can I do about children next door kicking the ball into my garden?

I was going to say just leave the poor boy alone, but the idea of admiring and emulating it is a great one.

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What things remind you of hot summer days?

What things remind you of hot summer days?
Counting snails and slugs after a downpour.

What should my child take for lunch on a cold day?

What should my child take for lunch on a cold day?

"Honestly the amount of fucking food police on this thread is so depressing.
It is literally none of your business what other people feed their children."

What are your thoughts about tourists if you live in a holiday destination in the UK?

What are your thoughts about tourists if you live in a holiday destination in the UK?

They are repulsive things and should be banned

Banning probably going too far, but I share the sentiment and detest them also - unless you are a farmer.

How should I keep my 5 and 7 year old happy and entertained?

How should I keep my 5 and 7 year old happy and entertained?

I recommend buying frozen crushed garlic.

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How can I attract wild birds into my garden?

How can I attract wild birds into my garden?

"TV on, screaming, crying, squealing, banging a cup repeatedly just because, plastic toys, playing crazy tunes all at once, chatter chatter chatter"

DH hasn't come home since yesterday and won't answer my calls, what on earth is going on?

DH hasn't come home since yesterday and won't answer my calls, what on earth is going on?

in a few weeks it will come to light that he is an axe-wielding maniac/bigamist/secretly gay.

What hobbies do you have?

What hobbies do you have?

'Criticising and judging others, questioning others actions and motives.'

What would you do if you won a million pounds?

What would you do if you won a million pounds?

Buy an island so I would not have any neighbours

How can I get these school mums to be friendly?

How can I get these school mums to be friendly?

'Have you tried a sticker chart with rewards?'

I spilled red wine on my white carpet. Help!

How can I get these school mums to be friendly?

take acid, e's and mushrooms

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Recommend me a strategy for dealing with a difficult (rude and unpleasant) work colleague.