DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

opal I felt nothing but relief. I did not have the pill, I am sorry to tell you but it was the easy. I was asleep for the whole thing, when I woke up I finally felt an enormous sense of relief and pressure.

I could now leave my ex dp, he could no longer abuse me, or control me anymore - a child would have just given him more leverage to hurt me, and now I could walk away a free woman.
It was the best thing I ever did.
I do not regret it, I have never regretted it, and I never will. To do anything else would have been catastrophic. As it turns out he did exactly the same thing to another young woman, and he then spent the next ten years beating her (she kept the baby) He was a serial abuser.

My biggest regret is not the termination, but my failure to inform the police and protect the women that came after me.

You will be fine op if that is what you decide, and only you must decide but not with fear. You will be well taken care of, and you have nothing to be afraid of. I am deeply sorry you are in such an awful position in the first place. At least you still have choices and it is not too late.

Just another 'well done' both for leaving this relationship and to having children with a man who obviously loves his children.

Good luck with your future.

At twelve weeks an abortion is usually performed surgically but it is quick and easy. I had that at 12 weeks by date.

Taking pills is for an earlier gestation.

Here is what the NHS offer in the way of terminations; surgical after ten weeks:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/what-happens/

By the way I am not suggesting for one moment that op terminates, that is her decision alone to make, only that for some of us it was totally fine, it does not have to be massively dramatic or fraught with mental health anguish.
For many of us it was an easy experience, we were treated with respect and kindness and we went on to enjoy happy lives. Knowledge is power, and having options as plum as laid out is really helpful, it is also helpful to know it is painless and quick and for me not a stressful experience. Having a child alone in very difficult circumstances, and with an abusive man is a big decision to make, and one that will have consequences for all of them, especially her own children.

Walk away now. They are too many cases of ‘stepfathers’ assaulting children in their lives. Protect your children.

[quote MotherOfDemons]@30degreesandmeltinghere Yes he does usually. When he brought the drinks through I said to him "oh, I had said that they could have fizzy drinks" and he said oh, sorry! I said not to worry they can drink some of them then I'll replace it. He said ok and went back to the kitchen. He didn't sound angry, or annoyed or argue any of it. Just a perfectly normal, family exchange.[/quote]
But you’re not a family. You’ve known him just over a year.

@PropertyFlipper she already has. They're done.

Op I've not read the thread but I find it strange telling them how much to drink, surley they know how much to drink and how to quench their thirst?

Anyway, well done op, looks like you have made the correct descion to protect and put your dc first.

@Plumtree391 not any more I'm afraid. You have to go private if you want surgery

@IncludeWomenInThePrequel - yes, the OP has!

Oh my god, "it's not AT her, it's NEAR her" - what kind of validation is that?

What exactly is his justification for throwing something NEAR your daughter if not to frighten, intimidate, exert dominance and control?

Adults should never behave this way. You're not overreacting at all.

Ok I missed that but still wildly unnecessary!

@IncludeWomenInThePrequel nope it's not necessary at all. My initial post where was actually in relation to someone just saying if it were me I would have an abortion. I felt that it warranted more words and sensitivity given the complexities of abortion and the ops situation.
Then people decided to pile on at my choice of words and the fact that I said for most abortion does have mental health ramifications. I mean most people don't go into one feeling happy about it, do they?! So I have felt the need to defend myself. I stated I did not want to derail the thread, but people continued. I don't have an agenda, I am pro choice. I just think saying : if I were you I would have an abortion is quite inappropriate.

Anyway if the op chooses to terminate, and of course it's her decision, the medical professionals will go through what happens prior, so it's not anything she won't be aware of, esp after having a scan and seeing her baby. I do hope she can have an operation privately, as it is most definitely a preferable option.

@stepupandbecounted this is all correct and I agree. Please actually read the original comment I was not happy with. I too am leading a very fulfilled life with absolutely no ramifications. My point was it warranted more than a sentence: if I were you, I'd get an abortion. Like it's as easy as getting a cup of tea. I'm sorry it's not, and its difficult for most women undergoing the process, therefore required some sensitivity or some words of support to the original op. From there people have then continued to query what I said, don't really know why as my original response was reasonable.

Opal i dont know where you are but you can get a surgical abortion on the nhs still its standard after a certain time and before 24 weeks

As far as I know and from many other sources too, you have to get NHS referral to a private abortion clinic which can take some time as they won't do it in NHS hospitals due to risk from stretching uterus.

Okay so I've screenshotted this so you can see what I'm referring to, bottom of last page. Not lying, nor is it a case of area.

To be honest, unless OP asks for our advice on it, I think it's inappropriate for this thread to become a 'how to go about getting an abortion' conversation.

I am entirely pro-choice, but it's not up to us to start discussing it as if we're implying that it's something she should do. This baby isn't the product of a one night stand. It's a planned baby with someone she loved. So it's not as easy a choice as some people are making it sound, and it's not probably comparable to the relatively mentally easy experience that some are relating.

Me too, so can people stop puking on please. I meant this to be one comment!

Piling

@Opalfeet

Me too, so can people stop puking on please. I meant this to be one comment!

That's fair enough, Opalfeet.