DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

It's done. He has packed a bag and left.

He said if the kids didn't want to see him he wouldn't stay and get between us and accepted everything. Said he was stressed with work and home and took it out on her and is extremely remorseful but accepts we are not together anymore.

I'm devastated but it's for the best. I've been through worse and I can get though this.

Just to clear one thing up though. My wonderful Exh and I split in 2016. I have a relationship in 2018 just before the 6months which was abusive and I left without the kids having even seen a picture of the person. There was no "3 men in 6 months" wherever you got that shit from.

Adding: ExH and I separated mutually. Neither of us were happy together and we are actually so much better as friends. I know that's a very strange thing for some people but it's not the 90s anymore where people have to break up on shit terms and go to mediation and court and get nasty with each other.

Well done OP.

Really well done OP, you have handled this incredibly. Please ignore the few pathetic, misogynist victim-blamers on this thread - there are other supportive posters who are giving much better advice and wishing you and your children well.

My dad did this stuff all my childhood. Still does if he thinks he can get away with it. It ruined my childhood and has had lifelong consequences.
Leave him now for your kids sake, please.

@Viviennemary

I just dont get why OP split from a partner who was a great person and a wonderful father and then got pregnant by somebody who isn't going to live up to the previous partner. It makes no sense .

Of course you understand there are a multitude of reasons why a person would make an excellent father and be a good person but not be compatible in a relationship with someone. What you actually meant by your MN cliche “I don’t understand” tinkly laugh and patronising head tilt is twofold, “give me information as why to why you split up which absolutely doesn’t pertain to this situation because I thrive off other peoples gossip and drama” and “oh poor you that was a silly decision wasn’t it hahaha”

@MotherOfDemons I'm relieved for you but also very surprised he took it so well, especially given you have a baby on the way together. Really thought he was going to try the pity route and persuade you otherwise

So pleased you are ok @MotherOfDemons I wish you and your dcs all the best for a happy future

So pleased and relieved for you OP, take care, sending kindest thoughts to you and your children

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape from this still newish relationship.

Well done OP!

Cannot believe some of the judgemental sanctimonious comments on here.

@MotherOfDemons

It's done. He has packed a bag and left.

He said if the kids didn't want to see him he wouldn't stay and get between us and accepted everything. Said he was stressed with work and home and took it out on her and is extremely remorseful but accepts we are not together anymore.

I'm devastated but it's for the best. I've been through worse and I can get though this.

Just to clear one thing up though. My wonderful Exh and I split in 2016. I have a relationship in 2018 just before the 6months which was abusive and I left without the kids having even seen a picture of the person. There was no "3 men in 6 months" wherever you got that shit from.

Somebody made a huge assumption, and others seem to have taken it as fact and run with it.

Sad though it is, I think you've made the right decision to end the relationship. And I don't envy you the decision regarding the pregnancy.

I also think you're stronger than you realise. You'll get through this.

you've done the right thing.

@Charley50 yes it is on the NHS as there are risks for stretching the cervix surgically at that gestation. My point really was that the way it was proposed was insensitive. It warranted more words than was said.

Her being autistic doesn't bloody matter! It's completely beside the point! She is SIX. He is a grown man. Grown men do not throw cups at six year olds, regardless of how much they may be doing your head in.

Good luck op. It sounds like a pp mentioned, that he wanted a get out?

Sorry you are having to go through this all, it must be very upsetting and I understand you are devastated. Stay strong 💪

@Peanutsandchilli

You're overreacting. He got annoyed (at you, for undermining him) and threw a cup. Granted, it wasn't the best reaction but if he's never done this sort of thing before then I don't think I'd immediately jump to leaving him like everyone else seems to think. Just talk to him. We've all snapped at kids, I'm sure.

How on earth have you read the OP & reached the (wrong) conclusion that it's the boyfriend being undermined?

OP couldn't have been clearer.
She agreed for her kids to have a fizzy drink.
He misunderstood, & gave squash.
She explained, & bargained with the kids to drink some of the squash before switching to the promised fizzy.

Boyfriend then kicked off, for no reason at all - cross questioning a little girl, despite being told that the little girl had the right of the situation - then swearing & throwing a cup.

It's he who is the underminer here.
Look at his behaviour on his return to the house. More stomping around, & silent treatment. All designed to put OP on the back foot & keep her scared of his moods.

Maybe you fancy broody men. Others here don't - we know what an inability to regulate unreasonable emotions look like, & we know the first signs of an emerging pattern of abuse.
He didn't "snap at kids" - he made a mountain out of a non-event, for no discernable reason, interrogated a small child for no reason, swore & threw her cup, for no reason.
He is an angry man whose mask has slipped.

I just dont get why OP split from a partner who was a great person and a wonderful father and then got pregnant by somebody who isn't going to live up to the previous partner. It makes no sense

Lots of people can be great parents and people but it doesn’t mean you should stay with them if you don’t work.
There could be lots of reasons why they didn’t work out. Maybe they get on so well because they’re not together.

@MotherOfDemons

Adding: ExH and I separated mutually. Neither of us were happy together and we are actually so much better as friends. I know that's a very strange thing for some people but it's not the 90s anymore where people have to break up on shit terms and go to mediation and court and get nasty with each other.

My XH left me for OW, who he has now married. We get on better now then we did when married and l like his wife too

Well done op x🥰🥰🥰

Just seen your update OP that’s great news!
I know it’s horrible for you thinking that you are a single parent now and he’s not what you thought etc but as PPs have said the abuse usually starts during pregnancy and gets worse when the baby is born so I’m so glad you found the strength to get rid of him as you know from experience it only gets worse.

@MotherOfDemons

ActonSquirrel She has autism and ADHD. Everything is a negotiation unfortunately but feels a little bit beside the point right now i'll be honest given a grown adult man just threw something at her in anger!

And, as quite a lot of work with autistic children is encouraging them not to have meltdowns and express their feelings physically, this is something that - to me anyway - crosses the line. If he doesn't regret doing it, he will do it again, and I honestly think you are better off out of it.

@Peanutsandchilli

Sorry, commonplace for families to have multiple step parents and generally be a mess.

Yeah Peanuts Stand By Your Man, even when he swears at your child & throws stuff at her. Far more important to accessorise your life with a man than to ensure your small child doesn't have to be intimidated in her own home.

And why are you associating step-parents with families being a mess? You know it's possible for nuclear families to be just as messed up, right?

@Boatonthehorizon

Why would anyone be pissed off to throw away squash. Its literally 0.5p a glass. 50p /100. I throw it away regularly if its too weak or strong or I fancy something else and Im quite poor. (Because of my wasteful squash ways I suppose!)

Since I bought shares in Robinsons, I'm so rich I spend my leisure hours grinding the faces of the poor. Please keep up your wasteful squash extravagances, or I'll have to sell the yacht.

@Viviennemary

I just dont get why OP split from a partner who was a great person and a wonderful father and then got pregnant by somebody who isn't going to live up to the previous partner. It makes no sense .

FFS YOU dont need to get it. It is none of your business. There could be a hundred and one reasons why she split up with him.