DP just threw a cup at DD

[MotherOfDemons]

I'll try to keep it short as I it just happened.

Kids got dropped off by their dad earlier. All has appeared to be fine, DP in a good mood as we all were. He went off to cook his dinner (kids eaten and I didn't want anything). DS and DD(6 and on the spectrum/ADHD) asked if they could have a fizzy drink and I said yes, go ask DP for cups as he is in the kitchen. They asked nicely but DP brought out two squashes. (To note, they only have one glass of fizzy a day as agreed with my ExH so hadn't been drinking fizzy all day every day).

That's fine, said to the kids to drink at least half of them then tip them away. DS drinks all of his and I manage to actually convince DD to drink 3/4 of hers which is an achievement in itself. I then ask her to tip what's left away and I will pour her a fizzy drink.

DP stopped her in the kitchen and asked why there was some left. I called through and said I had said they can drink half and tip the rest out. He kept questioning her so I said, again that I had said it was ok. He swore, snatched the cup from her, tipped it in the sink and threw it at her. Obviously she was terrified and burst into tears.

Was in a it of disbelief and asked him if he really just threw a cup at my daughter. He yelled at me that it wasn't AT her, it was NEAR her. I just walked away to go and console her.

He doesn't have form for this at all. He has rarely even yelled, never mind anything else, even when he is stressed. He has now stormed off out and I have zero clue where he is. I'm in complete shock. I was in an abusive relationship before this and it has triggered a panic attack and I can't calm down.

Need some perspective and to know whether or not I am overreacting by being absolutely livid with him.

@SeashoreGalore. I've had a termination, but I have no personal issues from this. It was a dark experience I'll admit, but not projecting here. I think saying that you would get an abortion and just leaving it is inappropriate. It warranted more words of support to the op. I have no problem with people choosing to abort, it's entirely their choice, but I doubt many people have an abortion without their being any repercussions to their mental health, either temporarily or not.

Whilst the op has hinted that she may terminate, I still think some sensitivity would be appropriate here, I doubt it would be an easy decision for anyone.

There

OP I’m so glad you kicked him out. If my own mother had done the same it would have saved me a lifetime of therapy and MH problems (not to mention going NC with her).
You’ve shown your kids that nothing is more important than them, saved your daughter’s self esteem and ended a possible series of awful events.

[quote Opalfeet]@SeashoreGalore. I've had a termination, but I have no personal issues from this. It was a dark experience I'll admit, but not projecting here. I think saying that you would get an abortion and just leaving it is inappropriate. It warranted more words of support to the op. I have no problem with people choosing to abort, it's entirely their choice, but I doubt many people have an abortion without their being any repercussions to their mental health, either temporarily or not.

Whilst the op has hinted that she may terminate, I still think some sensitivity would be appropriate here, I doubt it would be an easy decision for anyone.[/quote]
Opalfeet, that is a sensitive and insightful post.

I too had an abortion when I was 21. I'm not sorry that I did but felt 'strange' for quite a while afterwards. When I think back, my regret is that I was careless - or boyfriend at that time and I were careless - and it would have been far better not to have taken a chance. However hindsight is all very well.

It doesn't bother me now but is obviously not something to be done lightly. I probably did 'do it lightly' at the time. It must be more difficult in some respects for people who already have children.

I'm sure the op will come to the right decision for her and her family.

I'm suprised he hasn't put up more of a fight to save the relationship especially if he is remorseful over his actions and especially with a baby involved

I think this is part of the ‘game’/manipulation.
OP said he was on the sofa and didn’t speak to her so maybe he thinks the silent treatment would be best. I’d give it a couple of days and then he’ll change tactic. He’ll probably start begging and apologising and if that doesn’t work for a few weeks he’ll start going on about it’s not fair on the baby etc.

In your position op I would move out/change the locks and never ever see him again under any circumstances.

I would book and have an abortion, so I would not be tied to such a horrible man and have to face him caring alone for any child of mine for the next 18 years.

I would look to move on from the whole thing with my children at the centre of my world from now on. I would get counselling and find out the root of the issue, I would spend time enjoying being free and develop a future that did not depend on anyone. I
would show my children what life feels like when we are in control and we have boundaries. You can survive this, this can be the making of you (as it was for me when I went through something similar) Something snapped inside and changed me forever, I was no longer at the mercy of my surroundings. I decided who was staying in my life and who was not welcome. You can take control here, and the quicker you do the happier and safer you will all be.

You are a wonderful mother, putting your children first and I salute your bravery, courage and strength.

I have had terminations too, and I can honestly say it did not affect my mental health, what would have affected my mental health and indeed the rest of my whole life is going through with a pregnancy I could not cope with, with zero support and help and a life time having an aggressive and violent abuser in my life with no escape.

@stepupandbecounted, I'm glad you could have terminations without it affecting your mental health. But that is not the same for everyone. My point was that I thought the way an individual had approached it was insensitive and that the post required more words and some sensitivity.

It is entirely up to op what she does and really not up to others to advise and say it is what they would do. If they do want to offer advice, I just feel it warrants more than a quick message saying if it was me I would have an abortion.

No doubt op has a lot to consider, being that she just went to the scan the other day, presumably happy that she was having a baby. If op decides, for quite understandable reasons, that she does want to terminate, that is her choice. And whilst hopefully she will be at peace with her decision, the idea that there will be no repercussions for her mentally is niave at best. I'm sure you will come to the right decision for you though op and your family and I wish you all the best. I'm done with this conversation, I do not want to derail the thread. But I did want to pick up on what I thought was an insensitive post- given the poster had nothing else to say about anything.

@Plumtree391 I'm glad you came to terms with your decision, it's never an easy one. My termination was in entirely different circumstances, but I have no issues and entirely comfortable that I made the right decision, as you are x

How disappointing for you that he turned out to be this sort of a man.

Hope you and you DD are okay.

@50ShadesOfCatholic have you reported your concerns? Instead of staring them as fact on here with no evidence!

Well done OP. Love to you and your children XXX

Aw your spirited defence of an imaginary issue is touching. But you've been taken in. All of this is textbook hairy hands.

Oh, this explains all. You're a troll-hunter, @50ShadesOfCatholic
How very ... vigilante of you.

[quote liveforsummer]@50ShadesOfCatholic have you reported your concerns? Instead of staring them as fact on here with no evidence! [/quote]
50shades’ posts are reported and deleted.

@SparklingLime I'm glad. Ironic that they were accusing OP of being a troll

[quote Opalfeet]**@JesusIsAnyNameFree* @Pallisers*

Yes to just say get an abortion -just that-it is unnecessary.

Have you had one, on the NHS it would be medically induced at this gestation and would involve giving birth. Then there's the obvious mental health effects. Have you experienced one? It warrants more than a four word sentence...get an abortion 🙄[/quote]
You can't "give birth" to a 12 week old fetus. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I didn't give birth.

It is entirely up to the OP but using emotive language like "would involve giving birth" has a clear agenda.

Totally agree it’s not giving birth when you are talking about a 12 week foetus. (I’m 12 weeks pregnant myself with a much wanted baby, but if I lost it now it would be a miscarriage and passing the foetus if that’s how it worked out)

@Pallisers @timeisnotaline...okay see it as you like but for me the contractions and feeling the fetus coming out and then the placenta being cut felt very much like giving birth. Perhaps not the right word grammatically, but closer than the c section I had.

And the fact I had exactly the same meds as I did for my induction.

Absolutely no agenda here. I didn't intend to get into any debate, it was originally a comment on the insensitive post as I saw it.

I've had a vaginal birth, 2 caesarians, and a 12 week miscarriage. At no point did I feel that the miscarriage was anything like giving birth.

How could it be when you literally could not give birth to a 12 week old fetus - it is biologically impossible.

Telling the OP who herself raised the issue of what to do with her pregnancy that she will "give birth" at 12 weeks is not helpful at best and harmful at worst. As well as being completely and utterly untrue.

All of this is irrelevant to the OP - being safe and keeping her children safe is the most important thing. what she does with the pregnancy is her business alone. But saying that you give birth to a 12 week old fetus when you terminate - that is just wrong.

The pill isn’t the only abortion procedure the OP could access, there is also surgical which she would be able to request on the NHS. Not that the pill is like giving birth because it isn’t, and if OP chooses to terminate she may decide that is the best option for it, but one thing she doesn’t need is scare tactics designed to scare her off making a decision she may deem best for her.

It also doesn’t follow that abortion is destined to have a negative impact on mental health. Oftentimes it is quite the opposite.

OP, you’ve done amazingly well in sticking up for your children and getting rid of this man. Personally I would choose to terminate the pregnancy at this stage and cut all further ties, but that is a decision that only you can make.

OP you mentioned up thread that you wouldn't be able to trust him when you were at work after this incident - does this mean you have previously left your kids with him and gone to work? If so, there may have been other abuse that you were not privy to and you may want to consider this in helping your children to recover / holding him to account.

@80sPadme - the OP mentioned early on in her thread that she would have to reconsider whether to continue with her pregnancy; that is why PPs mentioned it.

To the other poster who said a termination always affects your mental health; that isn't true. Myself and many other women have had terminations with no MH impact. There is nothing wrong with deciding that the circumstances are not right to continue with a pregnancy.