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Original poster

Serial killer name change

184 replies

weirdnamechange · 03/08/2021 15:03

I really don't know what to do. I recently got married to a wonderful man and I have always wanted to take my partner's name (I am a feminist, it is a choice I want to make). Unfortunately my first name combined with his last name is the name of a very famous serial killer. Before we got married I said I would deal with that issue as it was important for us to have the same name (and I would like to be traditional and take his name), but now that it is time to change my name on bank cards etc I am getting cold feet. I can't wrap my head around introducing myself as this killer??!! My husband is upset as I am going back on our agreement..

What should I do? Could you change it knowing what that name means to most people?

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 03/08/2021 22:56

Also, let's imagine he introduces you to colleagues, they know his surname, and he says, "this is my wife, Myra" - ppl will connect it anyway - change your first name as I've suggested if that's what you can both live with

TrampolineForMrKite · 04/08/2021 03:31

Pam, is that you? I know that Gryglaszewska has always felt quite glamorous.... in the space of one day to go from that to Shipman, you know Ship-Man...I imagine you’d feel quite flat. Grin

Seriously....No way you can change your name. As others have suggested, can he take your surname or you pick a new name together? I knew a woman called Beverley who married a guy whose surname was also Beverley. She ummed and ahhed about what she would do and came up with every permutation; could she style herself as Bev Beverley? Double barrel so she was Beverley Jones-Beverley? Choose a new name entirely?

In the end she and her husband chose a whole other name- but there was a cold moment in the deliberation where she was seriously considering becoming Beverley Beverley! You would be making a similarly terrible choice, but with added murder conurbations.

Congratulations on the wedding, I hope that you find a better name between you.

TrampolineForMrKite · 04/08/2021 03:31

Connotations not conurbations!

Maskless · 04/08/2021 04:45

There must already be 50 women in the UK alone who are called Rosemary West.

I personally would not change my name to that of anyone famous or infamous. I'd get irritated by the comments.

DGRossetti · 04/08/2021 07:55

Missing the entire point of the thread, but I've remembered an episode of "Cheers" ....

horrayforharoldlloyd · 04/08/2021 08:09

'Maiden name' .... you aren't a feminist and he isn't an ally.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 04/08/2021 08:13

Keep your name or he can keep yours, it's a none issue.

You deserve more than to be Rose West for the rest of your life if you don't want to be.

Agree to change it on the condition he changes his first name to be Fred!

Horehound · 04/08/2021 08:15

I wouldn't change it.

GlutenFreeGingerCake · 04/08/2021 08:20

I'd be reconsidering getting married if he is so insensitive he can't see the problem and is making it all about him.

golddustwomen · 04/08/2021 08:39

I saw the thread title and thought it was a very weird and out of taste version version of the Christmas name change Blush
I would keep my maiden name too OP.

chillibeansauce · 04/08/2021 08:41

@BrozTito

Call yourself Rosemary instead?
Grin that's exactly what I was thinking 😬
C8H10N4O2 · 04/08/2021 08:48

My husband is upset as I am going back on our agreement..

Upset that you don't want to be mrs Hisname? Not very supportive of your feminism is he?

He can take your name
You can double up
You can choose a new joint name
You can have separate names

Those are the choices. If he is "upset" at the prospect of anything other than you being Mrs Hisname then you have a future DH issue.

There is absolutely no need to change name at all, its not even particularly traditional.

dayswithaY · 04/08/2021 09:16

Petra Sutcliffe?
Connie Kray?

There must be hundreds of sweet old ladies in the UK called Rose West and they are probably unaware of the connection. Unless your name really will be Myra Hindley and you should definitely change it!

SavageBeauty73 · 04/08/2021 09:36

My sister has decided that if she marries her partner, she won't change her name as she will become Katie Hopkins who isn't a serial killer but nearly as bad 😉

HarebrightCedarmoon · 04/08/2021 09:38

The traditional of taking your husband’s name comes from possession and removing women’s rights

That's more marriage itself, I'd have thought. My view has always been that marriage is what you make of it, regardless of how it used to be traditionally. We wouldn't be able to do anything in life if you run the argument that "This used to be sexist". We work with the situation as it stands today, not the one that used to exist.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 04/08/2021 09:40

@horrayforharoldlloyd

'Maiden name' .... you aren't a feminist and he isn't an ally.
Oh FFS. Crappy cancel culture.
FadoFado · 04/08/2021 10:13

I wish people would stop wailing about 'cancel culture' when someone says something they don't like. So fucking babyish.

SchrodingersMat · 04/08/2021 10:13

Tell him you’ll change your surname to West if he changes his first name to Fred.

Umberellatheweatha · 04/08/2021 10:22

Why is he upset? Is he generally a big old drama queen?

Just take part of your surname and part if his and combined them to make a new one. Or as pp said, he could take your surname.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/08/2021 10:27

I honestly think you are over thinking things. So what if you have last name of a serial killer, that doesn’t make you one or related to one. No one is going to seriously avoid you or gossip like you are. In short, I would not care. I would agree if your name were to become Mrs Adolf Hitler. But that’s about it.

Somuddled · 04/08/2021 10:31

Don't take you husbands name, it is stupid. on the flip side though, I have never heard of Rose West.

PlanDeRaccordement · 04/08/2021 10:31

The traditional of taking your husband’s name comes from possession and removing women’s rights

No it doesn’t because traditionally women had no rights to be “removed” by changing their name. It is literally about your father’s name being replaced by your husbands name, signalling which man now has absolute authority over you. Marriage didn’t remove rights because women had no rights to begin with. Have people actually forgotten just how recently we got rights?

Somuddled · 04/08/2021 10:34

'I will keep my name but give the children his' This is my single most hated sentence I read on mumsnet. It always comes from people who say they are feminists. Sure you are pet.

CloudPop · 04/08/2021 10:50

@SavageBeauty73

My sister has decided that if she marries her partner, she won't change her name as she will become Katie Hopkins who isn't a serial killer but nearly as bad 😉
If not slightly worse!
Deadringer · 04/08/2021 11:10

So your wonderful man wants you to change your name to that of a famous serial killer, and is upset that you are hesitant. Wow, how self centred and selfish is he. It's your name, why on earth would you change it? Especially to something awful.