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Original poster

Serial killer name change

184 replies

weirdnamechange · 03/08/2021 15:03

I really don't know what to do. I recently got married to a wonderful man and I have always wanted to take my partner's name (I am a feminist, it is a choice I want to make). Unfortunately my first name combined with his last name is the name of a very famous serial killer. Before we got married I said I would deal with that issue as it was important for us to have the same name (and I would like to be traditional and take his name), but now that it is time to change my name on bank cards etc I am getting cold feet. I can't wrap my head around introducing myself as this killer??!! My husband is upset as I am going back on our agreement..

What should I do? Could you change it knowing what that name means to most people?

OP posts:
SunShinesBrightly · 03/08/2021 16:16

My husband is upset as I am going back on our agreement

Just noticed this. You do what you want to do.

DeathByWalkies · 03/08/2021 16:16

No way would I sign up to be called Rose West.

Even Rose Smith-West is going to raise some eyebrows. I can easily imagine it causing your CV to be binned as an obvious prank / hotel books cancelled and so on because they assume it's not a genuine booking.

He could change his name to yours - better to be Fred and Rose Smith than Fred and Rose West

SunShinesBrightly · 03/08/2021 16:18

Have you got a middle name?

Rose Felicity for example.

Call yourself Felicity West.

QueeniesCroft · 03/08/2021 16:18

The serial killer name wouldn't bother me, but it bothers you and your husband should respect that. It doesn't actually matter why you have changed your mind, just that you have. It's not like you are really altering the nature of your marriage (say for example by changing your mind about fidelity).

If he is otherwise a reasonable man, he will probably get over it. People questioning your decision can basically mind their own business, but may understand if you say, "Well, would you want to be called Rose West/Myra Hindley/Aileen Wournos?".

NeedNewKnees · 03/08/2021 16:21

You'd have to be off your head to volutarily share a name with a serial killer. Your husband needs to get a grip.

iloveeverykindofcat · 03/08/2021 16:21

Don't do it OP. I know someone unfortunate enough to share a name with a famous convicted pedophile and its an absolute blight on his life.

NeedNewKnees · 03/08/2021 16:23

@SunShinesBrightly

Have you got a middle name?

Rose Felicity for example.

Call yourself Felicity West.

Jesus.

Have a woman change her FIRST name because her husband is sulking? Her whole identity? WTAF?

He can man up and get over it, he can change his name to yours "so they'll be the same" or make up an amalgam.

GuckGuckDoose · 03/08/2021 16:24

Is no one else worried about the part where instead of being reasonable and getting his head around the fact that his wife doesn’t want to be named after a famous serial killer, he instead is getting ‘upset’ about her ‘going back on [their] agreement’?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

MadameOvary81 · 03/08/2021 16:25

Change your first name to Kanye and you'll be sorted.

Rubytoos · 03/08/2021 16:26

The traditional of taking your husband’s name comes from possession and removing women’s rights. Rights to own property, have a bank account etc. I’m staggered women still want to do this in this day and age. Double barrel your surnames to show equality and that his name is not more important than yours. The serial killer thing is just a double kick in the nadgers frankly.

SummerHouse · 03/08/2021 16:27

You can't go back on the agreement. But I would insist that if you take his surname, he changes his first name to Fred.

Original poster
weirdnamechange · 03/08/2021 16:28

Ok, so you have confirmed that I can't change my name. I'm happy for our children (if we have any), to have his last name, but I will keep hold of my maiden name. I think that even if I was to combine my surname with my husband's, it would still sound too similar to the serial killer.

My husband will be fine with my decision...he isn't an anti feminist monster...he just pointed out that said I would do something before we were married and now I have changed my mind. He will get over it fairly fast I'm sure...

OP posts:
RolloTomassi · 03/08/2021 16:29

Agree there's no chance I'd sign up to be Rose West. It's just one of those unlucky combos that can't be done when it comes to taking your spouse's name. So either he takes yours or you both stick. If he's sad about that, hard cheese. It's annoying for you too!

UrgentExit · 03/08/2021 16:30

I actually don't specify i'm a feminist but no way would I have ever agreed to take on a name that'd make my full name unpleasant in any way.

I didn't really think about whether or not I'd take my husband's name because it was just the expected thing when I got married, but in more recent years I've said I wished I hadn't changed my name and if anything, DH had taken mine instead. Unfortunately the two names wouldn't have run together well. DH said yes, that would've been a good idea, but it's too late now as we have adult children.

On the one hand, a name's a name and you could be flexible with variations of your given names and so on, but on the other hand i'm amazed he can't see the issue and why is it now up to you to be uncomfortable or make all kinds of changes?

DismantledKing · 03/08/2021 16:30

I’ve a suspicion that the papers will get hold of this thread; it’s the kind of thing that that really go for.

UrgentExit · 03/08/2021 16:32

Cross posted. Glad you've got an answer @weirdnamechange
All you have to say to DP is that you were keen to change to his name but the more you heard the unfortunate combination, the less comfortable you were with the connections people would make.

FadoFado · 03/08/2021 16:33

Wise decision.

Sharing a name with a famous person is bad enough but a famous serial killer? Big nope.

ShortBacknSides · 03/08/2021 16:34

If your husband really is upset that you might not be sharing the same surname after all, then I can think of no reason why he wouldn't take your surname.

This.

Buffoonborisisatwat · 03/08/2021 16:34

If the serial killer is say, myra hindley, and your husband is john hindley and your name is myra jane brown, call yourself myra jane hindley brown. But don't double barrel the hindley brown so you can be selective. You could be myra brown to everyone except your husband, who obviously has a complete lack of sensitivity. you could work his surname into your name without it being too much of a give-away.

Or only be Mrs Hindley when you're with him if he insists.

Or forget the whole stupid thing and just keep your name. After all, who still does this?

hamstersarse · 03/08/2021 16:35

I’ve got an unusual/funny name and I’ve always found it a good talking point

Granted it’s not of a serial killer but I’ve always quite enjoyed the banter. Each to their own though

GuckGuckDoose · 03/08/2021 16:36

@MadameOvary81 wins the thread

Grin
dreamersdown · 03/08/2021 16:38

OP - I was going to change my name up until my wedding day. When we were introduced as “Mr and Mrs X” I hated it! It just… wasn’t my name! My husband was a bit upset (just because he’d been excited to share a name) but longer term absolutely gets it and it hasn’t been an issue. Our children have his surname with my surname as a middle name. It’s totally worked for us. Wishing you the best with it.

herecomesthsun · 03/08/2021 16:38

He could take the surname Rose?

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 03/08/2021 16:40

Just keep your name. If people want to put Rose and Fred West on Christmas cards let them. Life is too short to be associated with a serial killer.

Imcatmum · 03/08/2021 16:42

He should be taking your name if it's so important for him that you have the same surname.

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