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Original poster

Am I a reckless parent?

146 replies

AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 15:01

My mum is appalled that DH and I are taking our 13 month old away on holiday to Spain- not because of Covid but because there will be a pool. She thinks it's reckless and that our dd is at risk of having an accident.

The villa we are staying in has a large garden and a pool to one side. She is crawling. Of course we, as her parents, are 100% invested in her safety. We would never ever leave her unattended. I know it only takes a second, but we just would be so careful. Our plan is to play on the grass with her, have picnics etc, and swim with her. She already has swimming lessons which she loves and we are keen to use the holiday to get her confident in the water. I don't believe we are complacent. We have already talked about making sure we keep her safe.

Do you think we are reckless parents to book this villa?

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 29/07/2021 15:19

😂

You think you’re bad... some people have pools in their own gardens

But they none of their children make it to adulthood obviously

Original poster
AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 15:24

My mum has really scared the crap out of me and thinks we should cancel our holiday. I'm second guessing myself now. I've read the ROSPA pool safety advice and I know the statistics. I know we won't be able to take our eyes off her, but we never do.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 29/07/2021 15:29

Life is full of risks, I would imagine that your DD is more at risk in the car than she will be from your holiday pool as you won't be leaving her unattended.

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Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/07/2021 15:29

Is the pool fenced?

If you are prepared to be 100% vigilant, keep external doors locked unless you are taking her outside etc it is doable.

One tip I've seen is to have some physical you can pass between you when you are the 'watcher'... the theory being, it can be easy to presume a child is with another adult. (At 22 months old, our DD managed to escape from our garden. Every adult, all 4 of us, presumed she was with another adult. She was fine, but it did teach us a lesson in communication and vigilance. Accidents can happen in seconds)

Marriedtothesilverfox · 29/07/2021 15:33

No

MindyStClaire · 29/07/2021 15:36

I think at that age she'll be sleeping in a cot, and won't be able to open locked doors, and will of course always be supervised anyway so the risk is lower. I'd be more worried about my 3 year old than my (very stationary in fairness!) 1 year old.

nimbuscloud · 29/07/2021 15:36

Does the pool have a fence with a locked gate?

Hullabaloo31 · 29/07/2021 15:40

@MindyStClaire

I think at that age she'll be sleeping in a cot, and won't be able to open locked doors, and will of course always be supervised anyway so the risk is lower. I'd be more worried about my 3 year old than my (very stationary in fairness!) 1 year old.
All of this!

We took our 2 to a house in Portugal with a shared pool in the back gardens. When they were really tiny, it was easy, as just had to make sure doors were locked. It only really gets tricky when they're big enough to open doors, then you have to have eyes on them at all times.

Paddling654 · 29/07/2021 15:41

The pool should be fenced off with a child proof gate if you're bringing a young child there. Your mum is right to think you should have that requirement on your checklist for properties to rent.

You just cannot assume you'll be careful enough.

Original poster
AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 16:19

No it's not fenced. We are prepared to be 100% vigilant. Some days we will be out. Evenings she'll be in her cot. But I am definitely not complacent, obviously! It's our precious dd.

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 29/07/2021 16:24

One tip I've seen is to have some physical you can pass between you when you are the 'watcher'... the theory being, it can be easy to presume a child is with another adult. (At 22 months old, our DD managed to escape from our garden. Every adult, all 4 of us, presumed she was with another adult. She was fine, but it did teach us a lesson in communication and vigilance. Accidents can happen in seconds)

I think is a great idea, and at the very least you need to ensure you always have a verbal arrangement about who is in charge of her at that moment - it sounds silly if you're both there but that's actually a very risky situation as you think you're both watching her but actually that means no one is.

Excited101 · 29/07/2021 17:13

I don’t think I’d be taking a crawing baby to a villa with a pool with no fence/locked gate tbh...

Galassia · 29/07/2021 17:19

No you are not reckless but the holiday will be one of you always keeping an eye on your child because of the differences between there and your own home.

That’s fine if you both share the responsibility but if one doesn’t do as much as the other then there could be a problem.

Galassia · 29/07/2021 17:20

When mine were little we would have a weekend or a week away abroad but leave the little ones with nanny and grandad who spoilt them (in a nice way) and took them to the seaside etc.

halcyondays · 29/07/2021 17:20

I wouldn’t have booked this with a one year old, it’s not going to be a very relaxing holiday if you have to be on constant alert the whole time you’re in the garden.

Intherightplace · 29/07/2021 17:21

I wouldn't have taken my crawling or toddling children to a villa with a pool. I'd have taken them on holiday where there was a pool, but not where there was one in the imeadiate vicinity of our rooms.

My view is coloured by the fact that when I was a teenager, a friend lost her baby sister in similar circumstances, when both parents wrongly believed, momentarily, that the other was watching the child. I'm not saying this would happen, it must be very rare and of course you'd be very careful, it just seems like a very stressful holiday.

olidora63 · 29/07/2021 17:21

All three of our children were toddlers when taken on holiday to Majorca with swimming pools at our resort.Your child will be safe because you are both so aware of the danger . . If you are really worried ,how about having a permanent floating aid on which would buy time if there was a mishap .

Sirzy · 29/07/2021 17:21

Personally I wouldn’t risk it without a fenced pool. For one you will constantly be on edge.

Ifitquacks · 29/07/2021 17:22

My in laws live abroad in a house with an unfenced pool. We have taken all three of our children there from 6 months old. They’re now 8, 6 and 2. We have always been completely vigilant when near the water, even with 3 of them. 2 parents to 1 child is absolutely fine.

Hadalifeonce · 29/07/2021 17:25

We took our crawling son to Grand Canaria, there was an open pool. One of us was with him at all times, both in and out of the water. No problem.
I hope you all have a lovely holiday.

YoComoManzanas · 29/07/2021 17:30

As long as you both clearly communicate who is watching the child at any given moment. So definitely say if you are popping to the loo then dad is in charge, etc. Also can you use the travel cot as a temporary playpen?

Mia85 · 29/07/2021 17:45

As others have said, I would definitely have a very strict rule on who is in charge at any moment and how that care is passed to the other adult.

My cousin lost her 18month DD to drowning a few years ago but in a pond at a family member's house. They were very careful but a sliding door they thought was shut wasn't quite and she managed to get out. They thought they had a constant eye on her as there were several adults around but somehow there was a moment when she wasn't watched. They are very caring and careful parents but in a moment all the things that could go wrong did and when they found her after just a few minutes it was too late.

I don't tell that story to say you shouldn't go but just to say how easy it is for a few moments of lapse of attention to have terrible consequences. We did go away to villas with pools etc with our young children after that event but always adopted the 'one adult in charge' approach.

NuffSaidSam · 29/07/2021 17:49

I think it's fine at that age. Just be careful, which you will.

It's older children you need to be more careful with at this age.

Even if there wasn't a pool, you're not taking your eyes off a 13 month old crawler in a strange house! It's not as if there wasn't a pool you'd leave her to get on with it while you have a snooze in the shade!

GoldBar · 29/07/2021 17:52

I wouldn't take a crawling child somewhere with an unfenced pool. I don't think it is necessarily unsafe if you are vigilant 100% of the time but I couldn't relax.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 29/07/2021 17:52

No. My DC all went abroad before 6 months. She will be fine.

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