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Original poster

Am I a reckless parent?

146 replies

AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 15:01

My mum is appalled that DH and I are taking our 13 month old away on holiday to Spain- not because of Covid but because there will be a pool. She thinks it's reckless and that our dd is at risk of having an accident.

The villa we are staying in has a large garden and a pool to one side. She is crawling. Of course we, as her parents, are 100% invested in her safety. We would never ever leave her unattended. I know it only takes a second, but we just would be so careful. Our plan is to play on the grass with her, have picnics etc, and swim with her. She already has swimming lessons which she loves and we are keen to use the holiday to get her confident in the water. I don't believe we are complacent. We have already talked about making sure we keep her safe.

Do you think we are reckless parents to book this villa?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 01/08/2021 07:43

You won't take your eyes off her because of her age, and being in a place which isn't 100% safe.

The pool, combined with the sun sounds like a really hard work holiday with a crawling baby. Having worked as a nanny in Spain it wouldn't be my choice of holiday with a child that age. A trip in order to see family, yes, but not for a relaxing experience. But then I'd want to lie by a pool in the sun, not sit in the shade constantly vigilant.

lljkk · 01/08/2021 08:08

As long as there is a lockable door between the property and the pool, I wouldn't worry. This door must be locked at all times the child is not within arm's reach of an adult. You are only 2 adults so can make sure of that, right?

Come to think of it, we stayed in a house with a pool & lacked a simple door barrier. But the pool sat on ground with high walls, steps, some distance from the building and had a cover, it wasn't an easy one to get into at all.

sHREDDIES19 · 01/08/2021 08:32

Look, the reality is when you have a fast crawler, it’s not relaxing anyway as they are constantly on the move and potential dangers are everywhere especially in a different environment. I appreciate accidents can and do happen but I wouldn’t hesitate to go on this lovely holiday as you are very aware of the dangers and will constantly supervise your dc. Enjoy!

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Behaviour & development Families Holidays
TooManyAnimals94 · 01/08/2021 08:42

How do children in Spain make it to adulthood? 😂

callinda · 01/08/2021 09:52

Presumably their parents put fences round the pool. Or many will drown.

saffronfreezing · 01/08/2021 11:37

Sadly, I think we can be sure that some children in Spain drown in swimming pools, and holidaying British children from families unused to the presence of a pool certainly do. I'm not sure when anyone would be crying with laughter about it really.

IloveJudgeJudy · 01/08/2021 11:57

I wouldn't and haven't spent a holiday in a villa without a fenced pool when we had young DC.

I think you were foolish/unthinking to book it but you'll have to deal with it now. I know you say you'll both be vigilant but I think you don't realise what that means in reality. It means knowing where DC I'd every single second when you're at the villa. It's exceedingly tiring. Good luck and stay safe.

NuffSaidSam · 01/08/2021 12:12

'It means knowing where DC I'd every single second when you're at the villa. '

You'd do that anyway with a 13 month old.

Sirzy · 01/08/2021 12:32

I would also worry that accommodation with an unfenced will be less than child friendly in other ways too as I think for most places that want to be child friendly that would be a basic.

As for the “your on high alert with a toddler anyway” posters you may well be but that’s not a reason to think that a high risk hazard is a good idea! Adding even more stress

NuffSaidSam · 01/08/2021 13:10

'As for the “your on high alert with a toddler anyway” posters you may well be but that’s not a reason to think that a high risk hazard is a good idea!'

The pool is only a high risk hazard to an unsupervised child. A baby will never be unsupervised so the hazard is removed/made negligible.

If we were talking about a 3 year old, completely different scenario.

Thisisthewaywego · 01/08/2021 13:30

I come from a country that has stringent domestic pool safety laws and no way would I hire a villa that has no secure fencing around a pool. The UK doesn’t seem to have this, and with Brits not being a nation of swimmers I can see why so many think it’s fine as they simply don’t understand the risks. One drowning death is one too many but some seem to think it’s fine as long as it’s not their family member Sad

We were recently asked to share a villa in Spain with relatives and while we decided not to go for other reasons, the no fence around the pool was seriously off-putting and we have a 6-year-old who can swim very short distances and is confident in the water.

Rocketearth · 01/08/2021 13:32

It would be a no from me. Too risky and I’d never be able to fully relax. Pools should be fenced off even in people’s gardens.

NuffSaidSam · 01/08/2021 13:37

'and we have a 6-year-old who can swim very short distances and is confident in the water.'

To be fair that is so much more dangerous than a 13 month old. I would also say no in those circumstances.

saffronfreezing · 01/08/2021 13:44

We have a thirteen month old who makes for the stairs. Nine times out of ten we catch her before she reaches them. The tenth time, it's not a big deal because she hasn't got very far. But no way would I be getting into a situation like that with water. To all these parents who are so good at knowing exactly where their little ones are every second, I salute you but I don't bat a hundred like that and don't pretend I can.

I watched a heartbreaking account from a mother whose child was at the table when she took a bite of cake. Someone was walking out the door and she didn't realise he'd slipped out. Almost immediately they realised he'd gone straight in the pool and scooped him out. The whole incident took less that a minute. She hadn't swallowed her cake as he was being pulled out. He died. It really does take seconds.

OverByYer · 01/08/2021 13:47

I would be worried if the pool wasn’t fenced / gated.
We went with our 18 month old to Villa with a pool. Even then FIL kept forgetting to shut the gate. I had many a shit for over it as I spent the holiday watching some like a hawk

OverByYer · 01/08/2021 13:48

I thought it was the law in Spain for pools to be fenced and gated in rental properties?

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 14:01

Wonder if you can get an swimming cossy for little one with built in floats>?

Anyone?

LuaDipa · 01/08/2021 14:03

We holidayed at a villa with a pool with ds1 at a similar age and it was absolutely fine. In all honesty I was far more concerned about all of the hard marble flooding with a crawling child. You don’t leave a 13 month old unattended anyway so why on earth is your dm so worried that you are going to start when there is increased danger. Have a great time, you will be fine.

Nonmaquillee · 01/08/2021 14:06

No you’re not reckless but I thought holiday places with pools had to have them fenced?

Megan2018 · 01/08/2021 15:32

@OverByYer

I thought it was the law in Spain for pools to be fenced and gated in rental properties?
Not in Spain. It is in France. Fenced pools in private villas are very rare in Spain.
BlueSurfer · 01/08/2021 20:09

@TooManyAnimals94

How do children in Spain make it to adulthood? 😂
See many above comments about drowning being a leading cause of children dying.
Sirzy · 01/08/2021 20:25

For those who struggle to understand the level of risk, take a look at the WHO statistics

*The Global report on drowning (2014) shows that age is one of the major risk factors for drowning. This relationship is often associated with a lapse in supervision. Globally, the highest drowning rates are among children 1–4 years, followed by children 5–9 years. In the WHO Western Pacific Region children aged 5–14 years die more frequently from drowning than any other cause.

Global report on drowning (2014)
Child drowning statistics from a number of countries presented in the Global Report on Drowning are particularly revealing:

Drowning is one of the top 5 causes of death for people aged 1–14 years for 48 of 85 countries with data meeting inclusion criteria (1).
Australia: drowning is the leading cause of unintentional injury death in children aged 1–3 years.
Bangladesh: drowning accounts for 43% of all deaths in children aged 1–4 years.
China: drowning is the leading cause of injury death in children aged 1–14 years.
United States of America: drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death in children aged 1–14 years.*

www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/drowning

WeatheringStorms22 · 01/08/2021 20:41

Some people are either incredibly arrogant or naiive.

No responsible parent intends to leave their 13 month old unattended.

But you can't plan for the time you drop a glass that smashes everywhere or someone hammers on the front door, startling you or when you burn yourself on the oven and run for the cold tap.

No one intends to be unexpectedly distracted. No one intends for their young child to drown. But it happens, frequently.

To have a 'plan' of...wait for it, drumroll... supervising them...is no plan at all, around a dangerous, unfenced pool.

Because no human being is immune from distraction, no matter how good a parent you are.

WeatheringStorms22 · 01/08/2021 20:46

I also think it's completely different when you're on holiday somewhere with a pool, like a hotel or complex, to being in a villa with an accessible pool IN 'the home'.

You relax at home (or in your temporary home). It's natural. Your defences drop. You can't prevent this.

In a safe space where your child will be waking, sleeping, crawling around in their Pj's, you're naturally less alert and you can't supervise your way out of that mindset.