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Original poster

Am I a reckless parent?

146 replies

AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 15:01

My mum is appalled that DH and I are taking our 13 month old away on holiday to Spain- not because of Covid but because there will be a pool. She thinks it's reckless and that our dd is at risk of having an accident.

The villa we are staying in has a large garden and a pool to one side. She is crawling. Of course we, as her parents, are 100% invested in her safety. We would never ever leave her unattended. I know it only takes a second, but we just would be so careful. Our plan is to play on the grass with her, have picnics etc, and swim with her. She already has swimming lessons which she loves and we are keen to use the holiday to get her confident in the water. I don't believe we are complacent. We have already talked about making sure we keep her safe.

Do you think we are reckless parents to book this villa?

OP posts:

Crowsaregreat · 03/08/2021 15:02

Not reckless but not especially sensible either! A resort with access to a toddler pool would be more fun and you wouldn't have to be on your guard all the time.

Original poster

AnotherDay579 · 03/08/2021 15:03

@NuffSaidSam

Perhaps the wind will blow the baby out of her cot, out the window and straight into the pool? You have to think about these things op.

You're not staying near the sea are you? And if so, is it fenced? Because you can't rule out your baby booking an Uber and going down to the sea for a swim during nap time.

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2021 15:04

'A resort with access to a toddler pool would be more fun and you wouldn't have to be on your guard all the time.'

You don't think a baby can drown in a toddler pool?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Behaviour & development Families Holidays

Original poster

AnotherDay579 · 03/08/2021 15:04

@Crowsaregreat

Not reckless but not especially sensible either! A resort with access to a toddler pool would be more fun and you wouldn't have to be on your guard all the time.

Sorry, can't imagine anything worse than a resort right now.

OP posts:

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/08/2021 15:06

Well I would still go on the holiday. We once went to a villa with a pool and I found it horrifically unrelaxing with toddlers; we ended up going out a lot and didn't book anywhere with a private pool until everyone could swim. A pool in a complex isn't as bad as you go there for the express purpose of swimming.

Ingridla · 03/08/2021 15:08

How pathetic! Of course you are not reckless parents, we took our son to Spain twice before his 2nd birthday, what does she think is going to happen!?

Go and enjoy yourselves.

Mia85 · 03/08/2021 15:13

Joking about children drowning is incredibly tasteless, particuarly when people on the thread have mentioned the deaths of those who are close to them.

BertieBotts · 03/08/2021 15:51

Nobody is joking about children drowning. People are joking because some posters are being ridiculous, as though either a pool is the most hazardous hazard that exists and/or a fence is the most perfect magical preventative ever. It's just about keeping things in perspective.

I would love to know what is different between a fence and a locked door - nobody has so far explained this.

Nor the difference between a child drowning vs a child eating something poisonous or choking or falling down stairs.

GoldBar · 03/08/2021 15:56

For ages 1-4, a pool is the most hazardous hazard that exists.

Sirzy · 03/08/2021 16:00

From the WHO link posted earlier in the thread. I don’t think people downplaying the risk level helps anyone.

Drowning is one of the top 5 causes of death for people aged 1–14 years for 48 of 85 countries with data meeting inclusion criteria (1).
Australia: drowning is the leading cause of unintentional injury death in children aged 1–3 years.
Bangladesh: drowning accounts for 43% of all deaths in children aged 1–4 years.
China: drowning is the leading cause of injury death in children aged 1–14 years.
United States of America: drowning is the second leading cause of unintentional injury death in children aged 1–14 years.

For many posters given the risk then an unfenced pool would be way too big a risk to take. The fact so many countries now have pools being gated as a requirement shows it’s a risk.

The OP is happy with that risk and is confident in her choice. That’s fine but it doesn’t mean that her mother in law is wrong for being concerned!

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2021 16:14

Drowning is one of the top 5 causes of death. I believe strangulation, suffocation and choking is right up there. And falls.

And yet no-one has asked the OP if the windows have corded blinds or the villa features other strangulation risks. No-one has asked if the windows have adequate childproof locks etc. No-one has asked about balconies or stair gates.

It's not about minimising the risk of drowning. It's about understanding the overall risk to your child in a rented villa. It is such that you have to watch your child constantly. Doing so, will mean your child doesn't fall out of a window, become tangled in a blind cord or fall into a swimming pool.

BertieBotts · 03/08/2021 16:15

Something being the highest statistical cause of accidental death is not what I mean - yes of course it's dangerous. Nobody has said that it's perfectly safe to let a toddler wander around near a pool. But something being dangerous is not that much different than something else that is dangerous and as a parent of a just mobile toddler that is just something you need to be aware of. There are lots of potential hazards to children of that age, especially in a new environment that you're not familiar with.

People on MN are a bit strange about risks though, as though you can perfectly eliminate all of them and not doing so makes somebody negligent. In reality this is not possible. So you have to weigh up risks and decide whether they are manageable or not. To me it sounds manageable. To someone earlier in the thread who said they wanted to relax and sunbathe by a pool, probably not.

The OP is happy with that risk and is confident in her choice. That’s fine but it doesn’t mean that her mother in law is wrong for being concerned!

YY agree with this.

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2021 16:23

You'll also notice in the statistics they've grouped 1-4 year olds. It would be interesting to see the break down on this. I would bet it's very heavily the older ones. I don't think many people with one year olds are looking away long enough for them to fall into a swimming pool. It's toddlers and up that are the real danger.

Sirzy · 03/08/2021 16:31

Because that’s not what the thread is about! I did say earlier that I would worry about the overall child friendliness of a villa with an ungated pool as that would suggest to me that having younger visitors hasn’t been planned for by the owners.

Mischance · 03/08/2021 16:41

You have said you will be 100% vigilant and I am sure you will.

But it does not sound like a great holiday being 100% vigilant every moment.

It is not restful........

Neverrains · 03/08/2021 16:41

@NuffSaidSam

Drowning is one of the top 5 causes of death. I believe strangulation, suffocation and choking is right up there. And falls.

I agree with this. My in laws live in Spain. They have an unfenced pool. They also have a very steep set of ungated concrete steps leading into the garden, which worries me far more than the pool. I have 3 children, the oldest 7, and all have been to stay there with us numerous times since they were 6 months old. We are hyper vigilant when staying with them, just like we are anywhere (you have to be with 3 young children). It’s not particularly relaxing, but holidays with young children rarely are.

hellcatspangle · 03/08/2021 16:43

Your mum is nuts. Ignore her and enjoy your holiday!

NuffSaidSam · 03/08/2021 16:55

'But it does not sound like a great holiday being 100% vigilant every moment.

It is not restful........'

Out of interest, what percentage of vigilance would you recommend the OP exercise if the pool had a fence?

Taking into consideration all of the other possible hazards and her 13 month old baby, what would you consider to be a safe level of vigilance?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/08/2021 17:34

I have, and I would, but whoever is watching does need to watch non stop, so that means no getting engrossed in your phone. A couple of minutes is all it takes.

I say this as someone who once fished a 20 month old out of the shallow baby end of an unattended pool - she was floating unconscious on her back, purple faced.

Luckily I got her in time, she was fine.
My back had been turned for just a couple of minutes, I was picking up wet towels etc., ready to go home - she had been in her pushchair, and had evidently decided to go back in.
After that, my priority was to get her swimming - I took her every day for a week until she could do a sort of underwater tadpole wriggle, same as her sister who’d cracked it at barely 2.

Caterina99 · 03/08/2021 17:34

I think with one 13 month old crawling baby and 2 vigilant parents I wouldn’t be too worried about the pool over every other hazard your child will come across on this holiday. Especially as it’s not right outside your patio door.

My children are 6 and 3 and FIL suggested a villa with a pool and I said no way. 6 year old is over confident swimmer and 3 year old can’t swim but will follow older one. Plus more adults to leave doors and gates open and kids that can open doors by themselves and don’t need 100% supervision normally (unlike a 1 year old)

For me a single baby would be ok, or children over about age 5 who can definitely swim. Toddlers and preschoolers are the most dangerous age.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 03/08/2021 20:52

Please don’t rely on a pool alarm or a swimming costume with floats. We had a near thing with ds when he was 18 months old at a villa in France with a pool alarm. It was dreadful. I had flashbacks for months. And I have seen ds, once he could swim even, get stuck upside down in a pool with floats on. They give false comfort.

Despite all that, I would definitely go but have a system (as pp have mentioned) to make sure you know who has your dc at any given time.

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