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Original poster

Am I a reckless parent?

146 replies

AnotherDay579 · 29/07/2021 15:01

My mum is appalled that DH and I are taking our 13 month old away on holiday to Spain- not because of Covid but because there will be a pool. She thinks it's reckless and that our dd is at risk of having an accident.

The villa we are staying in has a large garden and a pool to one side. She is crawling. Of course we, as her parents, are 100% invested in her safety. We would never ever leave her unattended. I know it only takes a second, but we just would be so careful. Our plan is to play on the grass with her, have picnics etc, and swim with her. She already has swimming lessons which she loves and we are keen to use the holiday to get her confident in the water. I don't believe we are complacent. We have already talked about making sure we keep her safe.

Do you think we are reckless parents to book this villa?

OP posts:
ChunkySloth · 30/07/2021 14:09

You can hire temporary fencing I think.

LadyPeppermint · 30/07/2021 14:25

This is exactly the type of accommodation we actively sought for holiday when our kids were small as it ticks so many boxes. We never had a fenced or gated pool but we did use sun loungers on their side to barricade the area.

We moved a travel cot (you can take one free on most airlines) outside into a shaded area and let them play in the cot with toys, books etc if we needed to take an eye off them for a minute.

This type of accommodation was excellent as we had plenty of space to cook for and bathe the baby and then of course at night there were no issues with sleeping as we just put them down in their own room, lights out and angelcare monitor on while we were in the next room.

I think as long as you’re vigilant around the pool, you’ll have a much better holiday than you would crammed into a hotel room or small holiday apartment.

loosingmymarbles · 30/07/2021 14:33

Well I must be shocking as I took my DD when she was 11 months with DS who was then 2 just turned.
And Iv recently came home and I took 3 kids this time age 5,4,18m. Oldest 2 are disabled so can't be left like you'd not leave any child near the pool anyway and they bloody love the pool it's so good for them to be in even if we came out looking like my great Nan.
Also have a hot tub in our back

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throttlebottom · 30/07/2021 14:34

In your situation I would definitely get a pool alarm. Something like the Safety Turtle would probably work well for you?

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2021 17:00

'Perhaps not in a split second but it can take less than a minute for a toddler to drown.'

'And let's face it, when people say a split second they often mean the time it takes to read and respond briefly to a text, which is considerably longer.'

And that's for the OP to decide. I wouldn't leave a 13 month old in an unfamiliar house unsupervised for a minute or for the time it takes to read and send a text. I doubt the OP would either.

You know what else can happen in less than a minute/the time it takes to send a text? They can fall down the stairs, pull something hot onto themselves, touch some bad wiring and electrocute themselves, pull an unsecured tv/mirror/set of drawers on to themselves, eat something off the floor and choke.

The idea that this holiday will be super relaxing and safe as long they don't have a pool/the pool is fenced is just not true. You need to watch a baby that age in an unfamiliar house always. Pool or not.

LittleOverWhelmed · 30/07/2021 17:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

nimbuscloud · 30/07/2021 19:37

A family member has a villa in France with pool. He is vey generous with it but flatly refuses to allow anyone with toddlers/pre schoolers have it. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened.

SunbathingDragon · 30/07/2021 19:42

I don’t think you are reckless but I don’t see it as being a relaxing holiday for you both.

Worldwide drowning is a leading cause of death for children and the risk increases for infants, especially when around an unfenced pool. It’s also a completely avoidable death and too often parents assume their child was sleeping or safely elsewhere.

Suzi888 · 30/07/2021 19:51

Well if she can crawl to the pool, she can crawl to the street/road? Or under a bush and get bitten by something surely….
As long as you don’t take your eyes off her when she’s outside I can’t see it being a problem.

1FootInTheRave · 30/07/2021 19:54

Have taken all of mine on numerous holidays with a pool. Never worried about it as they were under constant supervision.

Was more worried about them falling on the tiled floors inside.

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2021 20:08

'A family member has a villa in France with pool. He is vey generous with it but flatly refuses to allow anyone with toddlers/pre schoolers have it. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened'

I reckon he just doesn't want sticky fingers all over his nice villa and it's a convenient excuse!

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2021 20:11

'I don’t think you are reckless but I don’t see it as being a relaxing holiday for you both.'

Do you think it would be relaxing if they were staying in a villa without a pool with a 13 month old crawler?

Some of you need to head over to parenting and talk to the parents of similar aged babies who are tearing their hair out at how hard it is and tell them if they just get rid of the pool life will be easy!

nimbuscloud · 30/07/2021 20:13

@NuffSaidSam
Actually you are wrong
He couldn’t be less precious about it

NuffSaidSam · 30/07/2021 20:13

'Actually you are wrong'

Damnit. I hate when then happens.

lifehappened · 30/07/2021 20:22

Wow your mum is mental. Of course you understand not to leave your own child alone near a pool. Ffs she won't be able to swim properly for years so what, you never go away??

quizqueen · 30/07/2021 20:43

Anyone, who owns a rental place with a non fenced off pool, is someone who probably doesn't care much about other safety aspects of the accommodation either so, yes, I think it's unreasonable for families with non swimmers to book to go there.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/07/2021 20:46

GoldBar

I wouldn't take a crawling child somewhere with an unfenced pool. I don't think it is necessarily unsafe if you are vigilant 100% of the time but I couldn't relax.“

Agree.

BertieBotts · 30/07/2021 20:55

I think it will be absolutely fine.

Presumably the villa has a door - how is this different to a fence? You can just close it when you're inside.

The accidents that happen when everyone thinks someone else is in charge are much more likely to happen when you have loads of adults around - also more people to open the door/accidentally leave it open etc. Much less likely when there are just two of you.

You probably wouldn't be able to 100% relax outside anyway at that age because they are always putting things in their mouths, the peripheries of gardens aren't always enclosed so you need to know where they are at all times etc.

I probably wouldn't go with multiple children under 5 or a big group, but one crawling baby and two adults? No issue at all.

JustCallMeBubblesDahling · 30/07/2021 21:13

I don’t think you’re reckless but your mum is not necessarily being OTT. With a slightly older DC, who’s fully mobile, I wouldn’t risk it but a 13 month old crawler should be manageable if she can’t get out of her cot or open doors.

Picnics and playing on the grass might be optimistic as she’ll probably be constantly trying to get to the water, they are very attracted to it!

I’d set up a travel cot near the pool so you could put her in it for short spells and eat/have a quick swim/turn around/take your eyes off her for a second.

Polkadots2021 · 30/07/2021 21:48

@AnotherDay579

My mum has really scared the crap out of me and thinks we should cancel our holiday. I'm second guessing myself now. I've read the ROSPA pool safety advice and I know the statistics. I know we won't be able to take our eyes off her, but we never do.
Omg please don't cancel, the way to get little ones safe in the water is to get them used to water!! So many people live near the sea, lakes, have a pool, etc. You sound like super responsible switched on parents who will watch her like a hawk, anyway. Definitely go and have a word with your mum to stop being so (probably unintentionally) rude about your ability to parent.
SunbathingDragon · 31/07/2021 21:12

@NuffSaidSam

'I don’t think you are reckless but I don’t see it as being a relaxing holiday for you both.'

Do you think it would be relaxing if they were staying in a villa without a pool with a 13 month old crawler?

Some of you need to head over to parenting and talk to the parents of similar aged babies who are tearing their hair out at how hard it is and tell them if they just get rid of the pool life will be easy!

I do have a similar aged toddler (and a preschooler and a school aged child) which is why I answered and gave my opinion as a parent, as well as my opinion as a paramedic.

You also appear to have turned what I said into something else. I said I didn’t think it would be relaxing, and you’ve translated that into get rid of the pool and life will be easy. Totally different things.

NuffSaidSam · 01/08/2021 02:58

My point is that it wouldn't be relaxing anyway. It's not the pool that is stopping the holiday being relaxing. It's the 13 month old baby. Pool or no pool they will need to watch that baby constantly. So why not have the pool? It won't be relaxing is not a good reason because it wouldn't be relaxing anyway.

Yahtze · 01/08/2021 04:08

Drowning is the leading cause of death in under 5s. Personally I wouldn't take a toddler that age to a stay at a house with an unfenced pool. If she has a leap developmental and starts walking/climbing it can take you a bit to catch up with what she's capable of now. It only takes 30 seconds which is bugger all of thinking she's with your partner when she's not. Plenty of people will tell you they took their kids and it was fine. But it doesn't negate the risk. Every single mother of a drown small child has had her life irrevocably changed. Most have the same story: they didn't think the baby could get out, the door was left open, they thought another adult was watching. It's just tragic. Yes you could make this happen but it won't be relaxing.

callinda · 01/08/2021 07:11

A pool with a fence? Fine. No fence? Dangerous. I wouldn't.

tallulahwullah · 01/08/2021 07:21

Who's the parent here? How controlling!Confused

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