Help, HMRC are going to put out a warrant for me!

[toolazytothinkofausername]

I've just had a phone call from HMRC telling me there has been tax fraud on my account, and I either press 1 to speak to them or if I hang up a warrant will be issued

So... I have about 5 minutes to pack a suitcase and run away! What do I pack?

Seriously, I am aware it was a scam

The phone number was: +44 1223 512843

On my iPhone it said it was from Cambridge.

Bikini, sandals, sun tan lotion - Bahamas. Quick, quick, before the knock on the door.

OP - please send me your bank details and passwords and I'll sort em out for ya

A sandwich. You don’t know how long you’ll be on the run for.

Apparently there is fraud on my national insurance number and has been for a while. I got the tax one the other day too.

Are you meeting the Nigerian Prince there with the money?

There’s been suspicious activity on my BT Internet even though I don’t have it. The police are after me too.

I will join you on the run…

OP, you’re in luck! I’ve just won an African lottery that I didn’t even know I’d entered, all I have to do is send them a small payment of a few thousand and within days I will receive millions into my account. I’ll happily use some of it to pay your tax bill for you.

I work for HMRC and I get these calls on my work mobile!

I'm also on the run but from the NCA apparently.

Be quick, OP. I regularly hear from a nice man in India that the internet is going to be ‘switched off’.

A towel and a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Honestly I'm wrecked and could do with a break even if it is prison so let them come for me.

@LittleG69

I work for HMRC and I get these calls on my work mobile!

that is both hilarious and terrible.

Don’t panic. I’ve got the number of a Nigerian Prince who will top up your account for you.

@blackberriesaretheonlyfruit

Honestly I'm wrecked and could do with a break even if it is prison so let them come for me.

That's a good point. I was watching a TV programme last night about a prison in Greenland and it looked rather nice. You get your own en suite and TV (and presumably no toddler to throw a strop if anything other than CocoMelon is on)

I've just had a phone call from HMRC
I had one about a week ago so I'm probably ahead of you in the queue. They haven't burst through the front door to arrest me yet but, when they do, I'll give you the heads-up.
But best to start packing now, to be on the safe side.

This thread is gold, made my day THANK YOU.

Join my gang.
I'm currently on the lam from HMRC, TV Licencing and Royal Mail.
Disappointingly I've yet to have a Sweeney style run in with the rozzers but I've got some cardboard boxes ready in case.

Ooo, me too. I’ve been practising singing like a virgin Bridget Jones style to while away the hours in jail.

I hope Colin Firth turns up to rescue me.

@LittleG69

I work for HMRC and I get these calls on my work mobile!

That’s absolutely classic!

I think HMRC have at least three fraud cases against me, I must say they're being very slow about sending a nice policeman round to arrest me. I'm quite disappointed.
A few months ago Virgin Media kept calling me to say there were problems with my internet. It was every day for weeks. I messed with the scammers, I was rude to them, I pretended to be a batty old lady but it just seemed to encourage them. Eventually when one phoned again I asked rather bluntly if this was a scam to get access to my computer. He responded "How did you know?"
I may have explained rather loudly how fed up I was with it all. They only stopped when I refused to answer the landline to anything other than a local call.

Me too.. on the run from HMRC and the police following a huge tax fraud and downloads of illegal images to my laptop..
Whether the 2 are linked I've not yet ascertained.. perhaps the psychic who emailed me the other day saying they'd had visions of my future will tell me if prison or a life in exile in a country without an extradition treaty with UK awaits me. Hopefully the latter as I won a lottery last week and the enormous win will fund my future admirably.

OP it would very irresponsible of you to go on the run when you have a very important Royal Mail parcel scheduled for delivery today! Before absconding, you need to go to the official website, fill in your bank details, pay an initial fee of at least £3.60 then wait for a confirmation call from my team to verify your bank details are correct!

How bloody dare you think of doing a runner until this is sorted?!!

It would be

You can come to my house but I must warn you that I keep getting helpful texts to tell me I’m missing deliveries so we’ll have to stay in. You can help me take turns watching the door.