How’s this for entitled..?

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

22 year old colleague/friend, injury, I won’t go into it.

No one to drive her to A&E. My DP drives her there (with me). I sit with her for almost 8 hours waiting to be seen.

Eventually I tell her that I need to go home (I needed medication I’d left behind), I’ll sort out a lift for her in the morning (A&E about 15 miles away), but pretty sure she’ll be admitted.

Roll on early this morning. She’s been discharged.

My DP can’t pick her up so I tell her I will pay for a taxi (probably about £50).

Her mother then contacts me. Absolutely fuming that her daughter is ‘stranded’. I point out that I offered to pay for a taxi but for some reason that doesn’t count.

I tell her to jog on.

Another load of shitty messages from the colleague for telling said mother to jog on.

Seriously?

I spend most of the night in A&E with someone looking after them and there’s no thanks, just a barrage of abuse from their mother.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Is it me? Seriously. Am I in the wrong?

Or are people just like this now?

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

I feel so disappointed.

I’m also shattered.

And it upsets me that I’m other people’s heads I’m the bad guy.

Being upset that other people aren’t pleased with you after you’d helped is the classic sign of the problem people-pleaser. Be honest with yourself — how much of your entire action around this incident (volunteering your DH to drive her the 15 miles to A and E, sitting with her for eight hours, paying a £50 taxi fare after her discharge) was motivated by not wanting to look like the bad guy?

You see I agree with the above - you didn’t stay to give her lift home so the mother realizes you have jumped out of your people pleaser box and she wants you back in it pronto! You do not have to do this!

Stay free, tell them NO loud and clear.

If she texts you again text back ‘I think you mean thank you?’

I’m not upset they’re not pleased.

I’m upset that I’m the bad and have done nothing to deserve it.

How long have you known this colleague?

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

I’m not upset they’re not pleased.

I’m upset that I’m the bad and have done nothing to deserve it.

But you're NOT the bad guy here - you admit you have boundary issues - that isn't a negative and this incident isn't on you - THEY are the CFs here.

Fuck em both. I'd block them both and ignore any further histrionics. Arseholes.

I'm puzzled that you sat with her waiting. She's an adult. I would have asked your DP to drop her at A&E (which would have been a nice thing) and then she could have phoned her mother if she needed someone to sit with her. No question of you paying for a taxi home - crazy on your part to offer.

The problem was that you got over-involved to start with and then they took advantage of you.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon it’s liberating standing up for yourself. Do not feel guilty. She is old enough to get herself to and back from hospital.

I think when you see her you should tell her you think she and her mother were very rude to you, you waited 8 hours in a and e with her, you offered to pay for a taxi home (totally above and beyond). And say you won't be doing her any more favours in the future.

Hopefully asserting yourself will make you feel better - I imagine part of the reason you feel very upset now is because they haven't listened to you at all and you haven't been able to have your say on the matter.

It's a shame because one person being a user puts you off helping anyone else.

Her and her mother's behaviour isn't really in the realms of normal, they are so self absorbed they've lost touch with reality.

A friend of mine picked me up from hospital after a day procedure, and I bought her a bottle of gin to say thank you, that's how you respond when someone helps you out. Maybe she'll see sense and get you some flowers or something (Unlikely but who knows !)

Why does a 22 yr old need looking after?

Taking her there was enough, staying is OTT. I think her own family need to have taken over from then onwards

Their true colours have now been revealed

I sympathise with you. I was once at a work Christmas do, with a free bar, where a junior member of staff got absolutely hammered, to the point she was violently sick. Other staff were just laughing and rolling their eyes but I cleaned her up in the toilets and rang my dh, who came and picked us up and we took her home. Her mother came to the door and had a right go at me and dh, asking why we'd "let her get into this state" My dh hadn't even been at the party. She took her in and slammed the door on us. I hadn't even been sat with her, so didn't notice how much she was drinking but she was over 18 and it was her choice. My new dress reeked of vomit, I'd missed the rest of the party and I'd dragged poor dh out on a freezing cold night as she was in too much of a state to get a taxi. We worked at a bank and every time her mother came in she'd glare at me.

These people are clearly scum who thinks the world owes them something. You didn't do anything wrong, in fact you were extremely nice!

Well, they’re both blocked.

I seriously don’t have the energy for this shit.

I’m done with the pair of them.

Unless you caused the injury then I can’t understand why you got your partner to drive her there when she could have made her own way there by taxi.

I have always had a very nurturing and caring attitude to younger colleagues and like you would offer acts of kindness and go above and beyond supporting them.

Quite often it ended up with people trying to take advantage and my gradual realisation was to just let them get on with their own affairs and for me to get on with mine.

I’m still wobbling...

She’s actually walked all over me a fair amount. I mostly ignore it.

@mustlovegin

I bet they ask for the money at some point

On what basis though?

Cheeky fuckery. 'You offered it. You owe her because wah wah wah'. Ad nauseam.

What adult working woman of 22 gets her bloody mum involved anyway? I mean, yeah, ask mum to organise transport, or ask the hospital, but the rest is just nasty.

Ok so you were caring enough to bring the little bitch to hospital. Turns out she's a right cunt and her mother is obviously where she learnt her lack of manners from. You live and learn. Another person would have been so grateful and sending you flowers now.

I suggest you read The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Read it 10 times until it all sinks in. I read it and it has been great. I will never put myself out for anyone now. I'll offer help after giving it thought and if I don't want to do something I'll say no.

As for the messages. Block the pair of them. You don't need to have their numbers on your phone. I'd be very cool with her at work from now on and keep any relationship strictly professional. Do not engage in any conversations that are not about work. Don't ever give her a lift again or do anything for her. She's fucked up by treating you and your Dh like shit and she doesn't get to do that again.

It's a good thing that has happened OP. You can turn things around for yourself from here!

I would feel that way too OP, it's hard to feel upset.

So cheeky of them, so ungrateful and nasty.

I think you did the right thing. You are clearly a kind a caring person and she was in pain and needed help.
You have no control over their strange reaction. Grey rock it. Give clear factual information then cut all non-work related contact and block them both.

Why couldn’t she pay for her own taxi? Why would you have to offer to pay for one?

Presumably her vile mother doesn’t drive. And also couldn’t be bothered to get a bus or taxi to the hospital to sit with her daughter for 8 hours?

YADNBU!

I think because you initially took responsibility for her you were expected to continue to do so.

This probably happened when you said it needed looking at.

Why would you pay for someone’s taxi? Why would ur dp have to collect them- so strange

Good on you for blocking them. They are a pair of CF. I can see where the colleague gets it from, if her mother is like that

So where this so lovely and concerned mother was when you waited for 8 hours at A&E?

Seriously,tell both of them to get to fuck.
Unfortunately sometimes with this sort of people you need to be rude and blunt as the reasoning doesn’t work. You can’t reason with unreasonable.

No JADE- Justify,ArgueDefend,Explain

Even if you have to work on your boundaries you don’t deserve to be treated like shit by anybody. You can always walk away. You can always say “No”. Let them shout,scream and wallow. Just walk away and don’t engage.

You did a really kind thing, you’re not in the wrong. She sounds like a twat.