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Original poster

Rubbish holiday

335 replies

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 25/07/2021 21:00

I don’t know why I am posting really - just stuck in bed and feeling so miserable. Dh and I were worked so hard last year and our relationship has really suffered through the pandemic. I booked three weeks in the UK with our two children just so we could be somewhere else and reset a bit. And it’s awful. During the first week, I had some work stuff to wrap up and DH had to job interviews. Kids decided about a week into the holiday to start going to sleep at 10pm. We are now at the end of week two. Dh and I are exhausted. I have a stomach bug or food poisoning and I am stuck in bed. Dh got rejected from one job but the other one really wants him - he just had to get through a psychometric test. He tried to do it this evening while I was sick in bed. Naturally the kids played up and he got locked out of the test. He is now stomping around and shouting. The toddler is in bed with me. I would just go home (dh wants to) but it’s ds’s birthday on Wednesday and everything is organised here not at home - so we really can’t. I can’t believe the holiday has gone so wrong. We’ve had some nice-ish times but we are both so tired and have to go back to 50-60 hour working weeks. I feel like it might break us. 😢

OP posts:
Jerseygirl12 · 26/07/2021 17:33

Why add to your already stressful lives but having to find 3k a month (next year) for school fees?

MarianneUnfaithful · 26/07/2021 17:39

OP, I only know one corporate lawyer. Her kids all went through state school, all are at or heading for Oxbridge or the equivalent in other countries, and the two who are there are heading for Firsts.

Your genes, support and role modelling of a work ethic / standards will go much further than a private education and role modelling burnout and household stress.

GoldBar · 26/07/2021 17:41

I think having the kids in private schools is an expense you could do without. And much easier to jettison that now while your school aged child is so small, and your toddler hasn't started yet.

It all depends on the availability and cost of wraparound care versus what the private school offers. State school hours can be a nightmare for working parents who have to commute (need to cover both morning and afternoon).

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Families
intothewoodss · 26/07/2021 17:43

@Jerseygirl12

Why add to your already stressful lives but having to find 3k a month (next year) for school fees?
It's £3k a MONTH Confused
Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 17:43

Well, that’s the thing. We’ve chosen pretty moderately priced (comparatively!) private schools which cover enough hours that we should be able to manage without much additional childcare fairly soon… maybe not by 2022 but probably by 2023… it seemed painful in the short term but helpful in the long term.

OP posts:
intothewoodss · 26/07/2021 17:45

@GoldBar

I think having the kids in private schools is an expense you could do without. And much easier to jettison that now while your school aged child is so small, and your toddler hasn't started yet.

It all depends on the availability and cost of wraparound care versus what the private school offers. State school hours can be a nightmare for working parents who have to commute (need to cover both morning and afternoon).

You know that's not actually true though, right? I mean, send your kids to private school if you want but don't justify it by saying it's cheaper, because we all know that's not true.

They have a nanny. They only use the wraparound 2 days a week max anyway.

Glittertwins · 26/07/2021 17:53

I'd also hang on in there but it looks like you need to take a long hard look at what is being casually spent as you've already written about a lot of takeaways. I bet if you wrote down how much was spent and on what, you could see what to cut down on.
Even with school fees, you still have proportionally a lot more disposable income than a lot and the £2k mortgage isn't massive your income levels either considering the family monthly net income is going to be 5 figures.

GoldBar · 26/07/2021 17:54

You know that's not actually true though, right? I mean, send your kids to private school if you want but don't justify it by saying it's cheaper, because we all know that's not true.

They have a nanny. They only use the wraparound 2 days a week max anyway.

But when the youngest goes to school, they won't have a nanny. So the correct comparison is the £3k per month against the cost of breakfast club/after-school club for 2 children or a nanny who will cover mornings and afternoons (if you can find someone who will do this).

As for justifying it, I don't really care how people educate their kids. Up to them. Most kids who attend state schools do absolutely fine and reach their potential. I'm purely thinking about it here from a cost versus inconvenience perspective. Cobbling together wraparound care or employing a nanny might come in slightly cheaper than the private school but that needs to be weighed against the inconveniences.

intothewoodss · 26/07/2021 17:58

It's still cheaper to employ a childminder, or even a nanny, than to pay school fees for two kids. Much much cheaper.

MarshaBradyo · 26/07/2021 17:59

I haven’t rtft but why don’t you use state school for primary and childcare

Spend more on holidays where you really get to relax

Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 18:02

@Glittertwins Absolutely, we are useless with money. Well, dh isn’t too bad. But I am hopeless. During lockdown while I was billing 200 hours per month, we were getting Deliveroo so often that my three year old still says ‘dinner’s arrived!’ rather than ‘dinner’s ready!’ even when I have cooked.

We definitely use money to take the edge off our day-to-day existence rather than saving for holidays which is another thing we should maybe revisit… could balance it better.

OP posts:
EatingAllThePies · 26/07/2021 18:03

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

I’m a City lawyer. Not a partner but trying to get promoted to Counsel… dh is not happy about it!

Kids are 3 and about to turn 6. We also have an 8 month old springer spaniel… 🤦🏻‍♀️

I guessed before you wrote this Confused I'm a lawyer too and after a horrid year I've switched work electronics off and told people I am uncontactable but have still had to field stuff on personal phone. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.
Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 18:03

A nanny and private school actually work out about the same. Both are about £27k per year.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 18:06

Although obvs, school is term time only… But you get free after school clubs too which you’d be paying for on top of the nanny. Swimming lessons, choir, chess, science club, construction club etc. etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 18:07

@EatingAllThePies I would have guessed from your username - which I love btw! 😂

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 26/07/2021 18:07

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

A nanny and private school actually work out about the same. Both are about £27k per year.
I can’t work out what you mean by this

Private school for two children is £27k?

It can’t be more for a prep than private secondary for one, is it?

MarshaBradyo · 26/07/2021 18:12

@GoldBar

You know that's not actually true though, right? I mean, send your kids to private school if you want but don't justify it by saying it's cheaper, because we all know that's not true.

They have a nanny. They only use the wraparound 2 days a week max anyway.

But when the youngest goes to school, they won't have a nanny. So the correct comparison is the £3k per month against the cost of breakfast club/after-school club for 2 children or a nanny who will cover mornings and afternoons (if you can find someone who will do this).

As for justifying it, I don't really care how people educate their kids. Up to them. Most kids who attend state schools do absolutely fine and reach their potential. I'm purely thinking about it here from a cost versus inconvenience perspective. Cobbling together wraparound care or employing a nanny might come in slightly cheaper than the private school but that needs to be weighed against the inconveniences.

There’s no way it’s close.

Once both in state school do nanny they also do after school clubs too,

Save on that and get better holidays.

GoldBar · 26/07/2021 18:13

Of course it's cheaper to use state school and pay for childcare but private schools remove a lot of the hassle from busy parents' lives so they can concentrate on their jobs. Finding a state school that offers wraparound care from 7.30am until 6.30pm is going to be a challenge. Also, private schools will generally offer extracurricular activities onsite so that's another worry gone. They will often have supervised homework so parents don't have to deal with this and provide lunch and snacks so no messing about with packed lunches in the morning.

It isn't entirely a question of cost. It's also weighing the cost against the inconvenience and it depends to a large extent on what the state primaries local to the OP can offer. If they offer school lunches and have a breakfast club and afterschool club with spaces, the OP might be able to make it work. Or if there are good childminders nearby with spaces who will do pick-ups and late finishes.

MarshaBradyo · 26/07/2021 18:15

Yes I’ve done both and the complete destress for me when I couldn’t get home in time was a nanny.

3.30 to 6.30 usually or add another hour if needed by op.

Cheapest time I’ve had as a parent and probably least stress as you can text nanny if late.

Original poster
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 18:17

Everything @GoldBar says is why we made the decision to go private!

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 26/07/2021 18:18

The only holidays that work for me in terms of relaxation are in decent accommodation in apartments or campsites where children have some freedom and plenty to do. You also need hotish weather and be under no pressure to ‘do’ or ‘see’ things.

I enjoy sightseeing and activity breaks but for relaxation with children this is what works for me

MarshaBradyo · 26/07/2021 18:18

Oh well up to you.

Having done both private v state and nanny I can see why you’re stressing now.

AntiMaskersAreTwats · 26/07/2021 18:21

@allycat4

Your dc laughed at your MIL for being a sahm. Nice attitude.
Agree with this. It sounds like your MIL got it right. She probably had a less stressful life and more successful holidays.
Wombat64 · 26/07/2021 18:21

Blimey, we've just had the puppy, no employed work & that was hard enough, to the point where I could have happily chucked my DH out, due to tiredness.

Definitely don't give up your job if you like it as much as it sounds you do but seriously get better organised with food & holidays. Simplify everything you can, get more help if necessary.

Think you do have a DH problem tho. Lots of pressure to quit...

Pissinthepottyplease · 26/07/2021 18:22

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

I am questioning it. But it would mean leaving my job entirely… even as a senior associate, I can’t switch off on holiday always. The idea of giving up a job that I have fought so hard for through two pregnancies, long hours etc. is very difficult.

But then you have a holiday like this and wonder what the hell you’re doing…

Google sunk cost fallacy. Your life exists in the future not the past. Right now you get to choose your future.