Rubbish holiday

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I don’t know why I am posting really - just stuck in bed and feeling so miserable. Dh and I were worked so hard last year and our relationship has really suffered through the pandemic. I booked three weeks in the UK with our two children just so we could be somewhere else and reset a bit. And it’s awful. During the first week, I had some work stuff to wrap up and DH had to job interviews. Kids decided about a week into the holiday to start going to sleep at 10pm. We are now at the end of week two. Dh and I are exhausted. I have a stomach bug or food poisoning and I am stuck in bed. Dh got rejected from one job but the other one really wants him - he just had to get through a psychometric test. He tried to do it this evening while I was sick in bed. Naturally the kids played up and he got locked out of the test. He is now stomping around and shouting. The toddler is in bed with me. I would just go home (dh wants to) but it’s ds’s birthday on Wednesday and everything is organised here not at home - so we really can’t. I can’t believe the holiday has gone so wrong. We’ve had some nice-ish times but we are both so tired and have to go back to 50-60 hour working weeks. I feel like it might break us. 😢

Some great advice on this thread. As someone who is out the other side and retired - DC now in their 20s - it does get easier. To echo other posters, do not give up your job. It is an important part of your identity and if your marriage breaks down (mine did) you will need the income. Don't even try to do it all. Be ruthless about outsourcing stuff, meal plan and get deliveries. For years I never went near a supermarket.

A programme of shorter breaks planned across the year may work better. We used places with clubs and babysitters when the DC were small so we could have a morning off and eat dinner out after they went to bed. Its your holiday too. I often worked on holiday, but at least we got some downtime. We used mark warner etc but often, very posh out of season places such as Mauritius are not that expensive in the summer and still 25c+.

We also had a nanny and private school fees, but having paid eyewatering fees for secondary, if I did it again I would move to an area with great state schools to reduce outgoings.

Keep the dog! They add so much to your life. I kept ours when I got divorced and they kept me sane.

Keep talking to each other, and both keep reminding yourselves it will get easier (unless of course you get divorced, but that's a whole new thread).

Sorry - managed to post above without finishing or editing. I'm trying to say keep your DCs close. It sounds as though even when you and DH are present you are often absent. You sound very accomplished and able - could you (or DH) give up your job for a few years and set up some sort of other initiative to keep the working side of your life satisfied? Mentoring even? It sounds as though you could afford to do this - with your drive and ambition would it be possible?

Strange things happening to my comments but wanted to say - as a parent of teens and early twenties - however you organise things do prioritize time time solely for DCs so they are in habit of telling you their worries (and successes) and you learn how to tease concerns out of them. You will need this closeness when they are older. Good luck with this - there's no way of making things perfect but probably quite a few ways of making things good enough.

We actually had a successful day for ds’s birthday. I started off the day feeling so miserable I could hardly function. But it was definitely a case of fake it till you make it. By lunch time, the sun was coming through the clouds both literally and metaphorically. Ds has been delightful - he usually is! My parents came for birthday tea and that really raised my spirits. Dh started acting like a normal human being once he pushed his job interview stuff to next week. Dd was mostly outraged that it wasn’t her birthday and pretty much just took over half of ds’s presents. She thanked my parents for her presents beautifully when they left! 😂 But she has actually behaved pretty well too. Gorgeous moment all playing Jenga at the end of the day. It actually felt happy and normal for a while - dh asked why we can’t make it like that more often. The million dollar question.

Only one more day to go. Woohoo!! 🥳🥳🥳

3 hours work over a 3 week holiday is nothing and isn’t the cause of the stress surely? I echo precious poster who said it’s pointless staying in private practice unless you are aiming for partner. Look at in house roles - maybe PE firms if you’re in M&A. I work in house at a hedge fund and my hours are manageable (far more so than when at MC firm) but I prob do 1-3 hours a week on holiday tbh But I don’t think that’s extreme for what they pay me.

Definitely not the work I have done on holiday - cumulative exhaustion from the last 12 months!

I just really like private practice. I am sure I could get all the things I like about private practice in-house somewhere - I am just really not sure where…

And that Jenga time, my friend, is the reality of married/family life for most modern families...
Everyone is fed and watered, we’re all stressed, and we survive on the good bits...

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

I am questioning it. But it would mean leaving my job entirely… even as a senior associate, I can’t switch off on holiday always. The idea of giving up a job that I have fought so hard for through two pregnancies, long hours etc. is very difficult.

But then you have a holiday like this and wonder what the hell you’re doing…

You must earn decent money. Have you thought about employing someone to help you as a family? Housekeeper? Nanny? Maybe that might help? R u sure hubby isn’t a little bit jealous of your success?

Honestly, as long the money’s not a deal breaker, go in house. Choose carefully. I don’t know anyone who has regretted it.

Just to say I had a stomach and vom bug last week and felt bloody awful. You have my sympathies OP