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Rubbish holiday

335 replies

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 25/07/2021 21:00

I don’t know why I am posting really - just stuck in bed and feeling so miserable. Dh and I were worked so hard last year and our relationship has really suffered through the pandemic. I booked three weeks in the UK with our two children just so we could be somewhere else and reset a bit. And it’s awful. During the first week, I had some work stuff to wrap up and DH had to job interviews. Kids decided about a week into the holiday to start going to sleep at 10pm. We are now at the end of week two. Dh and I are exhausted. I have a stomach bug or food poisoning and I am stuck in bed. Dh got rejected from one job but the other one really wants him - he just had to get through a psychometric test. He tried to do it this evening while I was sick in bed. Naturally the kids played up and he got locked out of the test. He is now stomping around and shouting. The toddler is in bed with me. I would just go home (dh wants to) but it’s ds’s birthday on Wednesday and everything is organised here not at home - so we really can’t. I can’t believe the holiday has gone so wrong. We’ve had some nice-ish times but we are both so tired and have to go back to 50-60 hour working weeks. I feel like it might break us. 😢

OP posts:
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 10:59

@NeonDreams That’s a good idea… But the next opportunity for a holiday is half term week. Nanny is away. Grandparents are meant to be on holiday. Although, their holiday might well get cancelled…

OP posts:
MarianneUnfaithful · 26/07/2021 11:01

Sympathies OP.

It sounds as if you might be trying to gloss over the realities and difficulty of all this juggling and trying to muddle through.

Be clear with each other and communicate and plan, including the time needed to take a work call or do an online test. Don’t try and ‘fit it in’.

Also make all your decisions with a hard head and detailed discussion.

IMO getting a puppy when you have a pre-schooler and 3 f/t jobs was insane.

GoldBar · 26/07/2021 11:02

It sounds like things will start improving soon. My DC also starts in 2022. Not long to go. Maybe just don't plan any more "holidays" until then and you might survive Grin!

Just kidding, but as @NeonDreams has said, you need to dump the kids for a proper holiday. Maybe split the time? Go somewhere near grandparents and do 4-5 days just you and DH and the rest of the time with DC. Otherwise, it's not really a break for you, just wrangling over-excited small people having meltdowns.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jerseygirl12 · 26/07/2021 11:02

Could you have a weekend away with your DH?

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 11:06

Yes, I was just thinking that a weekend away might help. Dh turns 40 in September - I think a weekend away might be just the ticket!

OP posts:
ChunkySloth · 26/07/2021 11:07

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

I don’t know why I am posting really - just stuck in bed and feeling so miserable. Dh and I were worked so hard last year and our relationship has really suffered through the pandemic. I booked three weeks in the UK with our two children just so we could be somewhere else and reset a bit. And it’s awful. During the first week, I had some work stuff to wrap up and DH had to job interviews. Kids decided about a week into the holiday to start going to sleep at 10pm. We are now at the end of week two. Dh and I are exhausted. I have a stomach bug or food poisoning and I am stuck in bed. Dh got rejected from one job but the other one really wants him - he just had to get through a psychometric test. He tried to do it this evening while I was sick in bed. Naturally the kids played up and he got locked out of the test. He is now stomping around and shouting. The toddler is in bed with me. I would just go home (dh wants to) but it’s ds’s birthday on Wednesday and everything is organised here not at home - so we really can’t. I can’t believe the holiday has gone so wrong. We’ve had some nice-ish times but we are both so tired and have to go back to 50-60 hour working weeks. I feel like it might break us. 😢
I'm not surprised. Who let's their small children decide when to go to bed Confused

And could you really not watch your children for the presu6short duration of his test??

ClaryFairchild · 26/07/2021 11:07

You love your job, do you realise how rare that is? Don't make any career changing decisions when you're in this funk, and don't get pressured by your DH to step back from work just because HE doesn't like HIS job. At some point you can consider other options, but only if YOU want to. Oh and don't tell everyone you don't want to be partner at the firm, not all firms are as intense, you could be approached by another firm and find their offer very appealing. Or, if you fancy, you could become in-house counsel for a major company if you prefer that.

You are in the worst possible time when it comes to juggling work and home. Once all 3 DC are at school it gets easier, especially as you have chosen a school that has good out of school care. You can sign the kids up for holiday clubs, the only difficult time that you could have is in the weeks between private schools finishing and state schools finishing as you have far less holiday club choices, but at least the holidays themselves can be a bit cheaper.

I know you are reticent to spend more money on holidays but I think you need to be more honest about your limits and capabilities. Find somewhere that has kids club type of activities that you can book in if you need. Yes, spend time with your DC but you also need some time to recharge.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 11:08

@MarianneUnfaithful Yes, the puppy was a totally crazy decision. However, being forced out of the house on a walk every morning is sooooo good for my mental health - and I just wouldn’t do it every day if the puppy didn’t make it necessary. And if you could see my anti-social, non-demonstrative, stress-ball of a husband snuggling with her on the sofa in the evenings… ❤️

OP posts:
Jerseygirl12 · 26/07/2021 11:08

I think it’s a good job you went into law and didn’t become a travel agent.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 11:10

@ChunkySloth We don’t let the kids decide when they want to go to bed - they just keep getting up!!! And I absolutely offered to watch the kids while he did his test - I just couldn’t do it in between vomiting last night!

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 26/07/2021 11:14

Holidays with young kids are just not relaxing. Plus you're ill.
Why doesn't your DH wait until you're better and can get the kids out of the way?

Don't give up on your job/career. Next time shorter hols, and as you've got presumably high income, book kids activities or bring a nanny along.

sashh · 26/07/2021 11:15

The next time you plan a holiday plan one with activities. You might not like the idea of Butlins or Haven but they have lots to do both for adults and children.

Ideally you want a club the kids can go to all day. They don't have to go every day but it's nice to have an option.

And plan to hire a baby sitter for a couple of evenings.

If you want time with your DH then send the kids on holiday if you can afford it. They can start from about 7 or 8 to adventure holidays, learn to cook, or various other activities.

Farms can be fantastic, they can also be a bit dull. Pick one that encourages children to pet the animals, they will say on their website.

I have happy memories of a holiday on a farm when I was about 6 or 7.

It was more of a B and B on a farm than a cottage but after the evening meal the farmer would get the horse out, put a saddle on and all the children took turns 'riding',actually sitting on a horse while the farmer led it round a field at a slow walk.

I'm fairly sure this was when the bar opened in the B and B.

ineedaholidaynow · 26/07/2021 11:15

How much relaxing family time do you all get? DH and I were both in quite stressful jobs, DS’s nursery was near where we worked, so he did the commute with us, and we suddenly realised DS was sort of living the same ‘working’ life we were, although he was too young to realise. So we changed our lifestyle, and I became a SAHM.

How much does your DH do in respect of the DC?

BiddyPop · 26/07/2021 11:32

We both have full on jobs and often have to do work on holidays. We spent a lot on childcare when dd was young and on the mortgage. Social life was almost non-existent.

For holidays, we have gone to CP a number of times which was surprisingly great. We always planned to go out locally to the site to various things nearby, but parked on arrival and only moved the car again to pack up at the end of a week.

The fact that the site itself was relatively low traffic and lots to do for DCs (plenty of playground stops, swim at least once daily and often twice to wear her out (late afternoon was great as many headed away to get ready for dinner having been there all day), other paid activities available including Kids club for younger and getting into adventures as they get older, restaurants to enjoy 1 meal out per day (we varied them between breakfast, lunch, dinner, or big coffee/cake stop) but decent enough kitchen to cook relatively relaxed meals for ourselves.

We did a big shop in a naice supermarket en route for easy meals and nice snacks (and nice wine for us), and budgeted for trips to the somewhat expensive onsite market for bits and pieces during the week.

We brought a few dvds (now we'd just download films etc) and board games, and we got the more expensive cottage which was more comfortable, had TVs in bedrooms (so dd could disappear there for a bit at times), and maid service to clean every 2 days (and bread delivery daily too). Dd loves walking in the woods and seeing lots of animals and birds, and just wading into the lake.

It is only a 1 week solution but a surprisingly switched off week for a very busy family.

Or bring a nanny or go somewhere with a good kids club or camp locally that DCs could do for a few hours at least a few days.

RandomMess · 26/07/2021 11:34

If your youngest is in full time nursery could you use an au pair (or has that ended with leaving the EU) or do you still need a lot of care time?

It sounds like you are double paying for nanny plus long school days but it's temporary only another 14 months - dig into savings as it's a temporary cost?

DH change jobs to something earning less - again the income factor is short term.

eurochick · 26/07/2021 11:38

[quote LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]@eurochick I have certainly just been getting on with it. Billing 200 hours per month for most of the last six months - I am a bit broken now.

Also, just for context, my last attempt at a staycation at Easter was even worse… by day 4 of that holiday I was in A&E, had emergency surgery on day 5… out of hospital on day 8… are some people just not meant to have holidays?![/quote]
I wasn't getting at you! It was posted with a despondent tone. I don't know what the solution is.

Clymene · 26/07/2021 11:46

Don't leave your job. You like it. And you're really in the eye of the storm at the moment - young kids and juggling childcare.

You could move your children into state school and up the nanny hours to pick up the long hours the school covers? That would save a fortune.

But really your big mistake was booking a rural cottage with little children. It's just same shit with fewer amenities. The only decent holidays I've ever had with little kids are holiday parks (so caravans/centerparcs) or all inclusive hotels with kids clubs. They are not the sorts of holiday I would ever choose for myself but the kids enjoyed them and when they were happy, so were the adults.

You basically have to throw money at holidays with small children. Or don't bother going. You could have taken 3 weeks off work and stayed home and you'd have probably had a better time!

intothewoodss · 26/07/2021 11:54

[quote LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]@GoldBar You are completely right. That’s the trap that DH and I have fallen into. We are both on six figures but the money just disappears into mortgage and childcare. We pay for private school (which I am ok with but dh doesn’t really agree with ideologically) because it’s the only school near us that covers 7:30am to 6:30pm and offers all the activities during that time. We’re also terrible at spending money on takeaways and convenience foods because we are so bloody exhausted all the time.

I am hanging out for things to get better once the kids are a bit older. Financially things will be easier once we don’t need a full time nanny anymore… although we’re always going to need some level of help.

I just wanted a holiday! 😭😭😭 I do feel a bit less sick this morning though so that’s something![/quote]
Your KS1 child is in childcare/education from 7.30-6.30? Eleven hours a day? Five days a week. And they're not even six?!

No wonder three weeks 24/7 with them has come as a shock to you.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 12:07

@eurochick I know you weren’t getting at me! My tone was despondent too!

@intothewoodss He doesn’t do 7:30 to 6:30 every day. It’s an option on Mondays and Fridays if I get stuck at work. I always have to use it on Mondays but only occasionally on Fridays because I am not meant to be working on Fridays. Tuesday through Thursday we have the nanny so he is picked up between 3:20pm and 4:30pm. I am always there between 7 to 8am when he leaves for school and again from 6:30 to 8pm for reading, bath and bedtime. And all weekend. I basically work from 9am to 6:30pm and then again once the kids are asleep until as late as I need to.

OP posts:
Clymene · 26/07/2021 12:12

[quote LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]@eurochick I know you weren’t getting at me! My tone was despondent too!

@intothewoodss He doesn’t do 7:30 to 6:30 every day. It’s an option on Mondays and Fridays if I get stuck at work. I always have to use it on Mondays but only occasionally on Fridays because I am not meant to be working on Fridays. Tuesday through Thursday we have the nanny so he is picked up between 3:20pm and 4:30pm. I am always there between 7 to 8am when he leaves for school and again from 6:30 to 8pm for reading, bath and bedtime. And all weekend. I basically work from 9am to 6:30pm and then again once the kids are asleep until as late as I need to.[/quote]
Sorry - you're being paid for a 4 day week but billing 200 hours a month?

Go back to full time immediately. You're getting a 20% pay, pension and holiday cut for nothing.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 12:17

@Clymene My firm was flexible enough to up my pay for the six months that I was billing 200 hours a month every month. I’m back down now to maybe 150 hours per month… Obviously bonuses are pro rated too.

I have been thinking about going up to a 5 day week, term time only… I would definitely think about doing that once my younger dc starts school. But then, I am also thinking about cutting back work altogether which gives you some idea of how confused I am!

OP posts:
Jerseygirl12 · 26/07/2021 12:23

I wouldn’t change anything until your youngest starts school. Book a weekend away for your DH’s 40th and think of ways you can make your home life easier.

knittingaddict · 26/07/2021 12:29

@allycat4

Your dc laughed at your MIL for being a sahm. Nice attitude.
My thoughts exactly. I wouldn't find that funny personally. It's a bit sad.
LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/07/2021 12:32

Woah!! He laughed because the idea of someone looking after their own children 24/7 is so unfamiliar to him!! And I did find it sad!! Thus all the soul searching on this thread!!

OP posts:
NakedAttraction · 26/07/2021 12:33

OP I wouldn’t feel bad about using the wrap around care a few days a week. We have a full time nanny, DC1 just finished reception. They are desperate to stay for afternoon club because so many of their friends do. So we will use it a couple of days a week next year for the social aspects, not because we need to.