Rubbish holiday

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I don’t know why I am posting really - just stuck in bed and feeling so miserable. Dh and I were worked so hard last year and our relationship has really suffered through the pandemic. I booked three weeks in the UK with our two children just so we could be somewhere else and reset a bit. And it’s awful. During the first week, I had some work stuff to wrap up and DH had to job interviews. Kids decided about a week into the holiday to start going to sleep at 10pm. We are now at the end of week two. Dh and I are exhausted. I have a stomach bug or food poisoning and I am stuck in bed. Dh got rejected from one job but the other one really wants him - he just had to get through a psychometric test. He tried to do it this evening while I was sick in bed. Naturally the kids played up and he got locked out of the test. He is now stomping around and shouting. The toddler is in bed with me. I would just go home (dh wants to) but it’s ds’s birthday on Wednesday and everything is organised here not at home - so we really can’t. I can’t believe the holiday has gone so wrong. We’ve had some nice-ish times but we are both so tired and have to go back to 50-60 hour working weeks. I feel like it might break us. 😢

I feel for you life is shit at the moment everyone add s everything seems to be rubbish. Our lives have more pressure at the moment, but maybe it might make you think about what's important

The high flyers I've known would take a nanny with them. It all sounds much too much, particularly over three weeks.

What about an aupair/nanny/childminder even if it's just for the holidays to give you both a break

It’s a funny thing - our holiday will be camping - me and my children only, it costs around £200 for the week, spends of maybe £100. We do cheap stuff, beach, kite flying, picnics, bedtime stories and my phone is off. It is a peaceful, together family time.

My friend and her hubby spent 4k on a holiday with lots extra activities amounting to hundreds more, they kept checking work emails, troubleshooting etc- result - much stress and a miserable but expensive time.

So sorry you’ve not enjoyed your holiday - I honestly do find back to basics really removes stress. Being a parent trying to juggle is so exhausting- maybe easier to have a shorter break, set no expectations but shut off from outside for that time. The children will probably enjoy it just as much, having you and all your attention and fall into bed shattered at the end of the day.
Good luck for the rest of your break

@NurseMumMe How old are your kids? Has camping always worked for you since they were small (assuming they aren’t still small)?!

We tried some time in a tent in the grandparents’ garden last summer and it almost killed me! 😂 Kids didn’t go to sleep until it was dark (10:30pm) and woke up again as soon as it was light (4:30am)…. If I could solve that…

Why ffs did you add to your woes by getting a high demand breed puppy during lockdown?

What box did that tick?

How about you both step back a little bit from your jobs, both try for 4 days.
Both focus on enjoying the kids when they are small and cute.
Then pick up again in 10 years.
It’s tax efficient and you are both making sacrifices.

I feel very sad for you that your well deserved holiday has been a nightmare. We are older and have older children, when kids were younger my dh worked 60 hour weeks, it was hell on him, the kids and me, he had some thankful minor health issues and it may him take stock, he now works a lot less hours, we have less money but we are so much happier. He now wishes he made the change so much sooner. I think you need to take a long hard look at your life, your kids will grow very quickly, when they are little they want to be with you, when they are older they don’t. We have older teenagers, actually they are still keen to do stuff with us, but dh and I are planning our own adventures now, back to our pre kids days, and I can’t wait, If your happy with your set up that’s great, not my choice but appreciate we aren’t all the same but just re-examine things and make sure you are, would hate you to suddenly get the freedom you want late on in life and you have no relationship or family time left.

OP, very quickly (am between things)

I was a SAHM and loved every minute of it and was probably smug about it However, 20 years on, I'd advise you to stick with your job - you've worked hard to achieve what you have achieved, and you've come this far. The children aren't babies any more, and before you know it, they will be teenagers and then go on to do their own wonderful things. Stick with the school fees, too, as they're worth every penny.

May have further thoughts about holidays!

:( you poor thing. It's funny that sometimes I find longer holidays are worse than the shorter ones :( sorry

Apologies if repeating as have not read whole thread - but you sound like you are trying to be superhuman!! If you were your best friends, what would you advise? The children may not want to be “ in routine” on a holiday, and you desperately need some time to recharge and have some relaxation/ chat as adults prior to being able to create memories for the kids. My suggestion would be to treat yourselves- ring around nanny/ babysitting agencies ( they will have ratings and have many teaching staff etc on books in hols - or energetic, intelligent and sporty students). Get them to do some activities with your two and the dog - within view/ nearby if you are nervous- for at least a couple of mornings. You have time - you can plan birthday fun for DH on Wednesday, and some things to do when you have had time to relax. The children’s overriding interest is that you patch things up ( if possible) but at a very minimum are relaxed and in holiday mode - and that sounds utterly impossible without a helping hand. Be kind to yourselves ( in the interest of whole family) I hope things improve. X

I was a senior associate on the path to counsel until recently and was going out of my mind with the stress of it and it’s hard to see things clearly when life is like that.
I hated the work so was happy to move out of client work but looking back I can see that my mistake was to bother with counsel at all when I should have been gunning for partnership as that is where the proper cash is. As a woman I think it’s easier to get fobbed of with a counsel position that has all the stress of partnership but not the same financial benefits. If you can I’d take your foot off the gas on the daily grind of client work and start networking and doing all the BD stuff you need to do for partnership. If you’re not supported then investigate other firms that will and let your firm know that is what is happening.

[quote LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]@NurseMumMe How old are your kids? Has camping always worked for you since they were small (assuming they aren’t still small)?!

We tried some time in a tent in the grandparents’ garden last summer and it almost killed me! 😂 Kids didn’t go to sleep until it was dark (10:30pm) and woke up again as soon as it was light (4:30am)…. If I could solve that…[/quote]
Camping is never the answer

Sorry you are having a bad time. My DH can’t really take much time off either. We have 1 week a year. He can’t take any more than that. The rest is odd days here and there often in winter when work is quieter.
He just about manages to take the 1 week without looking too much at emails or just logging on now and then. We have 3 kids.
To be honest, it’s no wonder it’s stressful. You have 2 young kids and you are both half working whilst trying to enjoy a long holiday.
Make it one week with planned things for the kids to do and some things you all will enjoy. Do your level best to ensure you both get some down time in terms of work for 1 week

@viques The puppy is fairly demanding but we all adore her! I get out of the house with her every morning for a walk or a swim - it’s the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. It’s also been great for my dh who has no hobbies (no time!) but now gets out of the house to walk the dog. Dh is also more affectionate with the dog than with any human being! I think it’s really helped him.

I wonder how many men posting this (not that I think men would, which is kind of the point) would get told how unrealistic their lawyer jobs were, how miserable their kids were going to be etc?

There's nothing wrong at all with loving your job and it's not just 'selfish'. It's important for kids to see parents motivated, working, happy with work etc.

This is going against the grain, but I wonder if an even LONGER holiday would be better? Think of it as 'summering' somewhere rather than going on holiday. Then if you have the odd period where you have to work/someone is ill/sleep is disrupted/weather is rubbish etc, it's just a small blip in a long summer rather than ruining a precious week or en days or whatever.

Also, why is your DH 'stomping around and shouting'? Tell him to buck up his ideas.

Also, just look at her… ❤️❤️❤️😂

She had just shredded a bunch of cardboard in that photo… 🤣

@Hoppinggreen Camping is never the answer 😂😂😂

@Aliensrus What made you stop? 🤔

Hi, my youngest is 4 and oldest 14! Camping is great if you approach with right attitude 😂 financially we don’t have a choice really although the times we’ve had holiday cottages or static caravans I’d say the children are less settled. I think they very much enjoy being so “together” all in once place at the same time, singularly focussed on the same activity or experience. It’s so different from daily life dashing around to work, childcare, two schools, family members etc.
We have also done it with a dog but that def was harder as I couldn’t take the dog in shops and the children couldn’t stay outside the shops alone with the dog.
We do have some friends who at times join us in their tents / caravans which the kids love even more as we have bbq, more giggles… the children love seeing their grown ups being silly and having fun.
I appreciate it won’t work for everyone but compared to some friends who go away on v v expensive holidays with full itineraries i would say our laid back value holiday is much more restful and enjoyable!
The children may go to bed later if we are busy but mostly crash into bed exhausted after a busy day outdoors in fresh air.

How old are the kids? Sound about 3 and 5 ish so that’s still hard going.
I always found going away to a cottage/caravan was the same old shit but without any stuff to make it easier, so don’t worry that you’re not living your best life, a few years on and you’ll forget!
I think if you had 3 weeks holiday with 2 at home and the middle week away, you’d have been ok.
Options for next time - take grandparents, go somewhere with a kids club so kids can get worn out for part of the day, so you spend part of the day with them and part relaxing. Have you got siblings and kids cousins to holiday with?
Honestly in a few years time, it will be much easier.

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

I am not aiming for partner. I just wanted to get to Counsel level. Where does it get me? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I really like my job. It’s just very full on. It’s selfish, I suppose.

A few days ago, we explained to my son how my mil was a stay at home mum. He went off into fits of giggles and said ‘she was nanny to her OWN children?!’ 😬😬😬

That's really sad to hear

@IntermittentParps Well, so my dh has said a lot of the same things that people on this thread have said… but when he says it, it puts my hackles up and he gets a rant about equality from me… inevitably it turns into the same argument that we’ve had c. 1000 times and it’s a total waste of time.

It’s a lot easier to hear from other women! But yes, I do wonder if a man would get the same advice. But even if they wouldn’t, maybe they should?!

I spent 6 weeks at my parents’ house last summer, working for some but not all of it. It was great for me but dh HATED it! We had no choice as our nanny suddenly quit but it actually worked out pretty well for me and the kids.

Right now though, I am so excited about this holiday ending… 😂😂😂😂 I just have to get through the birthday party tomorrow (comforting myself with the fact that it CANNOT be worse than his last birthday (which we spent in A&E after he toppled off a kitchen chair while trying to put a present on the floor and caught his chin on a marble table… 🙄🙄🙄) and then it’s packing up day!! 🥳🥳🥳

Op I feel your pain ! I've had some truly awful holidays when mine were younger, it literally felt like I'd paid a small fortune to just live the same life in a different house!!! What I've found that helped us as a family was to go somewhere with actual entertainment in the evenings for children or making sure that were we stayed was near to restaurants , shops etc so that we had places to go to in the evenings, simply for it to feel like a treat , even the process of getting changed and putting a bit of make up to go for dinner having a couple of drinks made it more of an occasion. I realised that trying to keep to bedtime routines etc was more stressful and instead taking them for a walk on the beach in the evenings or taking them for ice cream s etc was more fun and hopefully they might sleep in a bit the following day!!

Holidays are hard and so pressurised (like Christmas and birthdays) to be perfect.
The kids will get older and find new sleep patterns. Your hubby will find a job he likes and the holiday may or may not be a success but one naff holiday following 18 months of carnage during lockdown should not guilt you into giving up on a career you have worked so hard for. When hubby is busy and the kids have grown you will need something for yourself so don't feel pressurised to sacrifice it now. Try something else during your trip to de stress, try and limit your time checking work stuff to toilet breaks or when the kids are playing and give yourself and hubby a break. Works demand 24/7 these days and it's not an easy thing to turn off.
I would however suggest trying to organise a dirty night away for you and hubby once things have settled so you can reset. Hope things have turned a corner .....as they say at mummy groups.....this too shall pass x