DS and his holiday and refusing to bail him out

[Namechangedbecauseofthis]

Ds is due to go on holiday in 13 days. He has only just realised in order to travel he needs to purchase a private PCR test.

I say only just realised I’ve been telling him for months to either move the holiday or make sure he has enough money for the test.

Two days ago he could have moved the holiday (TUI) free of charge.

The holiday was cheap, but now not cheap with the added PCRs on top.

Some of his mates are now making noise about losing their money if it can’t be changed, a couple of them are still going to go and take the PCR tests they have the funds.

We are not well off financially at all, however I could bail him out and pay for the PCR tests. Part of me thinks do this, the other part of me thinks. No I told him to bloody sort it and this is a shitty way to learn the hard way but he needs to grow up.

I’m not sure why they have left it so late, I can’t even wrap my head around that. I think lead booker just thought they would lose their deposits. The holiday needs to be paid, however they haven’t paid the final payment.

Can anyone advise? Can TUI move the holiday outside the 14 days? Should I bail him out? If they don’t pay for the holiday will they be liable for the cost still.

Glad you got it sorted op

surprised they were so accomodating seeing as the poayment was due yesterday

My sister is like this but older last time she went t america she was sorting out her insurance in the airport on the way claimed she hadnt had time she does- like everyone else has to sort it

Shes meant to fly to america in sept dont know if it will go ahead but i assume will at the moment and ive told her not to forget to book the pcr tests she needs-keeps rolling he eyes at me, she;ll be the one crying when shes forgotten and cant go

Well done OP, I have had two 18 years olds, sometimes they just don’t get it, they don’t.

Well done for sticking to your guns, and also being the good mum that sorted them without losing face or giving the idiots money.

You did exactly what I did, I still have one D.C that’s a bit of a donkey but he’s generally independent so they get there in the end.

Could lend it to him and let him pay you back. X

I think it's better to book the test nearer the date. They won't refund the test cost only reschedule it. Airlines can cancel whenever they want it seems. My DH had his flights cancelled several times or dates moved.

Just wanted to send you a hug. Totally relate to how frustrating this has been. & am glad it’s worked out ok. I work in a bank & regularly see that Young men are particularly useless with money. My own son & his friends thought that because they could get £10 out of a cash machine ,when they didn’t have any in their account, that it was free money. The concept of an overdraft & having to pay it back had never occurred to them. They’ll learn eventually!

good outcome but what the hell is he spending his maintenance loan on if he gets full amount and works and still only has £500 to his name?!

To the previous poster; go and check out the cost of hall fees at many universities. That will give you your answer. My DS1 keeps a close eye on his budget and gets holiday shifts at Tesco and only just manages and we make up his maintenance loan to the full amount.

Hi, I just read this. I have a ds your son's age and recognise your frustration but would say young people have had an awful year with few of the usual opportunities to grow up. I would not wish to be in their position. Don't be hard on yourself. He'll get a handle on things when life opens up enough for him to be able to make mistakes and learn from them. In many ways he sounds in good shape - he has a uni place, a job and an awareness of his mistakes.

I've been dealing with similar situations and have decided to make every effort to be proud of my ds - who also goes to uni in Sep on a full loan. His generation have had most of their independence taken away from them just at the point at which they should have found it. They've been tripped up at ever turn and life must feel very uncertain and largely out of their control.
For what it's worth, I think you've done great and so has he.

I just feel anyone at 18 that felt they knew it all are lying! He is young m, had a shit 16 months and has never been able to go out legally properly and let off steam. The younger ones have been held back and accommodating and so patient and whilst yes we know he’s been silly with money we I expect have all been there! I had a bloody £500 phone bill once after a holiday In Greece - I’ll never forget that cock up!!! Still all sorted now, get a payment plan in place so he gives you something to put away each month or whatever and then no asking you for extra and it’ll give him the independence and will be pleased he’s done something for himself. 👍🏼

Teenage boys can be nut jobs. Mine were. Bailed them out of various scrapes.. They did finally grow up and are now nice, normal people with jobs, etc. If you can find the cash, I would help him out. If not, it’s a learning curve for him. They do get better. Promise!

Yes! "Mamaof2males*

"mediciempire" and those with younger DCs won't realise yet but a full student loan will not cover accommodation and living at most unis. My dd - third year coming up - works two days a week throughout her course, just to keep afloat. Not flush or extravagant, she is trying to keep the bills at bay. Her generation is being fleeced, largely by greedy landlords but also by a system that will land her with £60k debt at the end of her three degree.

Loan him it. It’s been tough on the young ones.

Although I agree he’s been a wally

I wouldn't have had a clue at 19. In fact, I had to borrow money from my dad for my mum's Christmas present and from my mum for my dad's Christmas present. I never let myself get into that situation again. Some 19 year olds take longer to mature than others but your son needs to learn. Suggest you sit him down tomorrow and talk to him calmly. Remember that he's
had a rotten 16 months of coronovirus restrictions when his education has been disrupted and he's not been able to grow up with his peers.
Ask him how he is going to pay for things while he is away.Tell him that you will lend him what he needs for his holiday this once and ask him how he intends to pay it back. Work out a repayment schedule and make sure he sticks to it. Then give him a hug.

I'm really glad they/he/you got it sorted satisfactorily, @Namechangedbecauseofthis - this little saga will hopefully have made all of them re-think and realize that they'll need to start putting money aside for next year in case there are still "unexpected" costs they might have to face, and that a "cheap" holiday can have hidden costs (have I not heard that on one of the budget airlines, once you've bought the flight ticket, you then have to pay extra for your seat, hand-luggage, and hold-luggage?).

What a great result. Hope he learns from this and hope you take some pleasure from saying ‘I told you so’ 😅

My view is skewed as everything was done for my sister and she was bailed out and now cannot function as an adult and do anything (and I mean anything) by herself.

I think horrible though it is he has to learn a lesson. If he can’t afford the tests to go out can he afford them coming back? If he gets stuck out there can he afford that? Could you if he can’t? If suddenly things change and he’s in a situation of having to get emergency travel home does he have the money?

If you don’t have it yourself then you can’t lend it to him. Sure everyone helps their kids, but only as much as they can afford and for me if I would have to get into debt to do so it would have to be for an emergency, which a holiday is not.

I really feel for you because it is such a shame that he would miss out but it might teach him to be a lot more organised next time and to make sure he saves his money.

I'd probably loan him the money with a strict repayment schedule.

Oh sorry seen we've moved on

Tui are offering a much discount testing package if you go on their website or use randex which I found to be one of the cheaper ones.

I'm not sure if you have sorted this now but I just moved my tui holiday to next year just over 14 days to go from original date.

If we cancelled it we forfeited a huge amount of money so just moved it instead. If they didn't let you move the date hopefully the company may cancel the holiday which means they get a refund or you agree to a loan and he goes. Hope its all sorted for you now!

Apologies when I posted it didn't come up with all the replies for some reason! Sorry for cross posting!!

Loan him the money 🤷🏼‍♀️ It would be ridiculous to let him lose the holiday. Our brains don’t mature until we’re 25, I definitely did similar at that age. I think you’re getting a bit over wrought over normal young people behaviour.

Help him out but insist he pays you back in instalments after the holiday

My partner ends up in this position all the time because he never gets on and sorts anything. He is 35 and it’s pathetic. His mother has enabled it his whole life. Let him learn the hard way now to sort things at the time or get stung. A plea on behalf of his future partner!