Bring your worries over here, the Night Shift are still here to mind them

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

New thread here, since the Last Thread has ever so slowly filled up. Isn't it amazing how little our worries crept up in the night when the world was actually one big worry?

Pandemic or not, this is the place to just park your worries. We don't ask questions, or try to solve your problems. We just hold them, tenderly, carefully, until you are strong enough to take them back. If they choose not to come back, all the better.

Signing in for the Night Shift, V3!

Hello everyone. Hope you don't mind me plopping some worries onto this thread. DH died last year (you were very kind to me back then in several occasions, thank you ) and most of the time I'm pootling along okay, taking things one day at a time and not thinking about the future. But tonight the future is overwhelming. So I'm hoping if I write it out here it will dissipate enough for me to get some sleep.

I'm worried I'll never love and be loved again. I'm worried my life will always seem worse. I'm worried my daughter will go off the rails when she's a teenager and I won't know how to cope. I'm worried I'll never pass my driving test. I'm worried that heaven isn't real and I'll never see him again. I'm worried DD will be fundamentally damaged by not having her Daddy around. I'm worried my lovely in-laws will stop wanting to have me around. I'm worried how I'll cope when my parents die without Mike here to help me. I'm worried I'll never get to have another baby. I'm worried I'll never get over my only experience of early motherhood being married by not being able to breastfeed and post natal depression and suicide attempts and a pandemic and being widowed. I'm worried I'll never be touched or kiss anyone again. I'm worried even if I do meet someone they'll never compare to Mike and I'll always be unhappy. I'm worried I'll get hurt. I'm worried I'll lose my job and not be able to provide financially for me and DD. I'm worried I'll lose my house. I'm worried my friends will tire of supporting me and not want to be around me any more. I'm worried something will happen to DD or my cousin and I won't be able to go on. I'm worried I'll slip into depression in the future. I'm worried I'll never stop feeling like this. I'm worried something will happen to me and DD will be left alone. I'm worried Mike knew he was dying and was scared or in pain. I'm worried I didn't do enough to save him. I'm worried DD might think that when she's older. I'm worried his family already think that. I'm worried it won't ever stop being this hard.

I think I remember your thread peach and your dear husband’s very sudden passing.

I’ve no words of comfort - I’ve not been in your shoes. Your worries seem normal to me though. You have known a happy love and the loss of that love feels as though it is making you flounder. When it has been you and your Mike, a partnership - a pair - to not have joint responsibility for things must be giving you the wobble now and again.

But I want to say I think you are marvellous. How strong must you be to pick yourself up and carry on after such a loss?

And your worries for your daughter prove that you are still doing what you would be doing if he were still here. He would have had the same thoughts. She will look at you and know it is ok not to be strong all the time - which is strength in itself.

She will feel his love in all you do in your love.

Your family and friends will not tire of you. True friends won’t. Family doesn’t. His parents will always need you - and you will need them. You are each the link to him you know. You can talk and laugh and cry and share and think of him with love. No one will feel that depth of love so keenly as you and them.

I think some, way more qualified than me, said on that first thread that sometimes even the professionals just can’t ‘do enough’ and sometimes it is just the time. So please try to know that.

Love? In its own time. I hope it comes for you. It will not be the same but it could be wonderfully different in its own way.

Take all the hugs you can meantime as physical touch is important and can be so comforting.

I’m waffling - desperately clawing for words to soothe you. I can’t find them.

But I’ve got space for your worries and will stuff them down beside me.

May a sleep being you some peace for a while. You are doing marvellously. You are. You really are.

Goodnight godbless. x we’ve got you 🌻

solo

I’m singing my best cat siren song for you to try to take him back to you. (Although cats are generally far more tuneful.). 2018 and her ‘come her kit noises’ will had weight to my wails.

I hope family sort it out and get him home meantime.

Snuggle in with your companions for now and I hope that in the next few days you have 3 little companions.

We will take your worries and unhappiness this evening and I hope you find peace in your dreams. x 🌻

@SoloISland you poor thing, that's horrid! I so hope you get him home and soon. I'll hold this one for you tonight, so that you can rest. I've got you, so just go and be. Rest. That's it.

@peachgreen your post made me teary eyed. I've followed your journey with such admiration and awe. And sadness for such a dreadful loss.

You are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your DDs world, and your world. And your poor Mike in the other world. That's such a heavy load. I wish we could truly lift some of that off of your shoulders, it is such a heavy burden.

What we - @SheldonesqueTheBstard, me and so many other wonderful worry holders together - can do is be here. Be here when you need to scream, vent, sob or share lovely memories. We hear you. We will take that pain and sorrow and fear and we will hold it. So that you don't have to. We shall be tender and

@peachgreen posted too soon.

We shall be tender and firm and strong and gentle. Whatever it needs, we've got this. You just need to lay your head down, close your eyes and let it go. Just that. There are no more mountains for you to climb tonight. You just rest. Shhhh. It's OK.

[quote 2018SoFarSoGreat]@SoloISland you poor thing, that's horrid! I so hope you get him home and soon. I'll hold this one for you tonight, so that you can rest. I've got you, so just go and be. Rest. That's it. [/quote]
Blessings and thanks.

This man is unspeakable. But on a small island … Hi cat died recently. So he decided to take mine.

There is a stray needing a home anyway;

Someone tried to make out a fox had got him but that made no sense; he had come home once in a terrible state, then given me the slip.

They all KNOW but are under the thumb.

JUST HURTS SO MUCH and I am ill just now
Sleeping with the door open in a howling gale

I think family are contacting the Gardaí

You wonderful women. Thank you, @SheldonesqueTheBstard and @2018SoFarSoGreat. Your words brought me huge comfort and I managed to sleep better than I have done in many, many months. This thread is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for manning it so ably and with such kindness.

Someone will always be here for you @peachgreen

I may not be able to answer you (shifts) but know if you post I will squirrel the worries away on my person so that sleep may come easier to you.

We carry ourselves better when we carry eachother.

May you find something joyous in your part of the world today and may it bring a smile to you x🌻

@2018SoFarSoGreat thankyou

Me again. So today I is when I may get evicted back to the street. Am terrified. Found some possible help but they've told me I must let landlord in soon and I am absolutely terrified. I need to rest at least but it's like my mind is doing cartwheels in my skull.

I just can't have a man in my bedroom. I just can't. Not to mention threat of covid and then throwing my stuff away. Just because they can.

They're going to do it. Evict me. There's nothing that can prevent that. I'm never going to be able to afford to have a roof over my head again and can't help but feel tricked all those years ago when I was told help would always be available to me as I'd been on the street.

My rambling is me trying to get.it.out.

Why do people think it's ok to ask why I have PTSD and say isn't it just a bit of anxiety?!

Anyway. Thankyou. Don't know if I'll be back, device is really bad as well.

Oh @Becca19962014. It just gets worse for you. Is he coming in to fix something? Is so, Is there anyway you could manage to leave to let him in? Stay outside, or take a short walk while he does what is needed? I know that sounds impossible, but what if we committed to being here for you, with you., while it gets done? We want to help!

I'm sending you love and strength and courage, for what it's worth. My heart hurts for you 💔

No he's coming to review how badly I've fucked up his home (due to hoarding) with a view to throw me out. My physical health is really bad, mentally there's no words really. Even if charity pauses it tomorrow it will happen. I simply cannot cope with dealing with hoarding which us a massive thing to do on top of EVERYTHING else.

They've decided covid is a joke after getting it and being fine and I've spent days since they screamed at me trying to access help but can't.

I mentioned my toilet a few weeks ago. Well that guy told landlord my situation and they've said I'm an "extreme fire risk" and now they're demanding access to assess how much I've ruined their home. They've no idea how horrific it is for them to know. Really bad, can't sleep more than a couple of hours bad. NHSdirect phoning GP trying fo get me help bad. I've a thread in feminism about the housing person I was told to email who just sent me the most odd email ever back. All of the helplines are gridlocked.

It's impossible.

I've also made the mistake of buying everyone's Christmas presents in advance to sent ASAP so that's even more "junk".

I'm so weak and filthy and worthless and now they not only know that but are making fun of it and me.

I've no chance even with this charity, no one gets just how hard it is. The charity that helps people in my situation I can't even get through to. I don't even have a bin to get rid of stuff I can bare to part with.

Being told to shut the fuck up by landlord and that I'm going to murder everyone in a fire is devastating. I've posted on social media begging for help and this stranger has offered but what if they aren't genuine? I've given them my address. I'm so stupid.

Been sick from terror too (as a diabetic that's really bad).

Thread in feminism www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4357047-Can-someone-please-explain-this-to-me

Not really to with situation but been mentioned.

Basically so desperate I'm giving strangers my address online putting me in danger. Formal channels can't help.

Still up.
Keeping an eye out for any worries, even if I'm not actively saying so.

Hoping that makes sense!!

Thank you @Becca19962014. You are a good soul, helping others when you have so much on your mind. Well done 🌺

@2018SoFarSoGreat I try to be. Honest. I did pop back a few times just in case. In the end I lay in bed praying for people on here (I hope that doesn't offend anyone, it's not intended to!)

No news re eviction yet. They were supposed to be stopped from coming but it doesn't look like it's worked, as due any minute and I'm terrfied. Had a seizure this morning so the last thing I need is them in here when I need to go to bed.

The help decided to help landlord instead.
Though I've not been removed today I will anyday.

I hope they see sense, or that you can get through to one of the charities to help you, @Becca19962014. What a worry this is!

That's the thing. They were the last possible charity that could help.
Now everyone is helping my landlord. It's the worst feeling everyone knowing one my closet kept secrets and, worse, making fun of them.

I'm so terrified.

I'll be up. Not necessarily posting due to internet issues, but if anyone wants to post any worries, I can watch the beggars for you. Got some nasty beggars to terrorise yours!

Take care everyone

Remember even if no one replies here there are people that care.

Still up and around!

Try to get some sleep @Becca19962014, I'll hold the fort for the rest of the night. You get some shut eye. Go on. Cozy in. Let all the worries just skip my way.

I’m still awake. I posted here before about getting divorced from my abusive husband. Then I was frightened he would try snd take DS away and he hasn’t tried to do that he has stopped seeing him at all.

But the divorce is still rumbling on and DS and I are in horrible temporary accommodation while he lives in our house. I am broken by it all now and just so worried that I am going to lose my job because I can’t cope with everything that is going on.

I came on here to dump some worries, but I see so many of you have worse worries than me. My heart goes out to you @peachgreen and @Becca19962014. No useful advice, but I am praying hard for you to get past this.

My own worry for many years has been my DD, 20. She has had a hard time . In the last 5 years, she has had a chronic illness, had to take a gap year, entered uni only for the pandemic to hit, been at home again for a year ( she does not study in the UK), been dumped by her long term boyfriend... done badly at uni ( no wonder wt all this going on)... I wish I could turn back the clock to when she was 10 years old and happy, without all these adult issues to grapple with. I just want to shoulder her burden, but I can't. I know she has to get through this herself, but it keeps me up all night.