Feeling guilty about blabbing friend’s private life to DP

[Nyorkie500]

I’m very chatty and often a bit of a blabber mouth.

My friend told me about a one night stand she had (she wanted more and he didn’t).. I was mentioning my friend to DP and accidentally mentioned this to him.

Now I feel really guilty about blabbing about it (he hasn’t met this friend yet) and she didn’t say it’s too secret but I guess it is obvious that it’s private..

Don’t know why I feel soo extremely guilty though.. I wish I was better at not over sharing what people have told me.

Am I a bad friend? :(

I tell my DH everything and I would expect my friends to do the same. If I tell a friend something private, I fully expect her to tell her partner/DH if I come up in conversation. I don’t mind that.

Is this a new relationship if they haven't met yet?

Talk to your DP about how you're feeling guilty for telling him this and how in hindsight it was probably something you shouldn't have shared and ask him to please keep what you said to himself.

You're not a bad friend and only you know what your friend is like and how private she is and whether she would mind this being shared. In future though to save any worry only share the sorts of things that- if the shoe was on the other foot- you'd be happy for your friends to talk to with their partners about.

Thanks.
Yep even DP said I probably shouldn’t have told him. I just feel extremely guilty almost out of empathy and embarrassed for mentioning it now :/

Just wanted to see if others would have said this kinda thing to their DP.

Only known my friend a few months. Known DP a while longer.

I was a blabber mouth when I was younger. I’m the soul of discretion now and really became one in my early 30s. The school gates is where I learned to STFU in a jiffy and say little. If it isn’t relevant, don’t say it. That’s pretty much how I feel about the spoken word.

I talk to DH about everything.

Except stuff that is my friends’ private information. Because I’m not a complete arsehole.

This probably doesn’t quite fall into that category. But it’s really indiscreet, and I feel like friends deserve better from friends.

You sound as if you know you haven’t quite done the right thing, so fair play for recognising it.

Continence.
I so appreciate discretion. I'm always a bit shocked when someone talks about things a third party has disclosed to them, it feels like talking to a child, like they have just revealed that they have very little integrity. It really stands out to me.
DP and I don't discuss things our friends have told us separately, wouldn't dream of it.

I discuss everything with Dh. I prefer it that way. I can be discreet and not mention things to him, but my friends need to be specific and say 'this is to go no further', which they very occasionally do, and then it doesn't.

I tell my DH everything, but I know I can trust him implicitly. I’ve known him for years, and he’s just not a blabbermouth.

The only exception would be if someone actually asked me to keep something just to myself. I’d not say anything then.

My late Husband would not have wanted to hear any tittle tattle like this, especially about random people. So I never used to babble on about gossipy stuff.

I feel like this falls in to the category of "friends dating and relationship experiences" rather than "friends darkest secrets" so I wouldn't worry. A ONS with someone she hoped to date isn't really shocking is it, unless there is a lot more to the story like it was with her married boss etc.

Just keep it in mind for next time.

I would be incandescent if someone passed on something I had told them in confidence. Especially when the reason they had done so was not because I or someone else was in danger, or because I or someone else needed help, but because they were verbally incontinent or enjoyed the excitement of spilling a secret. They would no longer be my friend and I would never trust them again.

For goodness sakes, there was no reason for you to tell your husband what your friend did. I doubt he'd have wanted to know anyway but now he does.

Women get a lot of stick for gossiping and pillow talk, far more than men; when I hear things like this I understand why. It makes me feel ashamed.

By all means talk about innocuous or funny things and talk about yourself to your husband but your friend told you something quite personal. She should not have to tell you it was confidential, it obviously was!

Hopefully your husband will behave towards her as if he never heard anything.

It's never too late to change habits of a lifetime op. From now on keep it zipped. If you find a confidence too burdening, talk to a counsellor.

If she had said don’t tell anyone then that would be bad. If she didn’t specifically say then it’s a get out clause. If I’m told not to tell a soul and the person isn’t in danger then I don’t tell anyone including DH. I can think of one secret I have kept for 40 years.

I wouldn’t share information with DH. She trusted and told you, not him.
Why did you feel the need to share it?

@ScatteredMama82

I tell my DH everything and I would expect my friends to do the same. If I tell a friend something private, I fully expect her to tell her partner/DH if I come up in conversation. I don’t mind that.

And hopefully your friends know this so they can make an informed choice on whether to tell you anything

I’d have told my dh, but then I’m 100% confident that he’d keep any such thing to himself.

Am I a bad friend?
Yes.
I never discuss personal information like that.
I'm not keeping secrets because it's not my information to share.
Why do you think it is ok to be a blabbermouth?

If I found out, you wouldn't be my friend for much longer. I'm mates with you, not your husband. I don't understand why you feel the need to tell him. You're just a nasty gossip monger.

Tell your friend(s) that you just can't keep anything to yourself and not to tell you anything.

I would be angry and disappointed in you, OP - I certainly wouldn't tell you anything not in the public domain ever again.

I don't understand men/women who have to tell their partners everything but there seem to be a few. As long as all friends know that everything is shared, potentially with multiple people as you have no control over whom your partner shares this information with. Bit pathetic but there you go, takes all sorts.

God lord, some judgey pants on here! OP IME most people assume that people share stuff with their partners / husbands / wives in a different way to other people. It’s NOT the same as gossiping with a friend (unless you know your dh is a blabbermouth). I would assume that most people talk with their other halves.

Massive over reactions on here!

I tell my husband everything (I wouldn’t if someone expressly asked me not to, but it’s never happened) and when I tell friends things I assume they will tell their partners. So I wouldn’t worry about it personally.

Bit pathetic but there you go, takes all sorts.

Miaow! Someone’s salty.

It's really eye-opening and yes, I would be very wary. Talking of general trivia is one thing but OP's example isn't that and she knows it hence the thread.

It is a bit pathetic but, as long as you're upfront that anything said can and will be passed on to anybody else (because you don't have control of what other people choose to pass on) then that's fine. There are clearly people that are okay with this so, birds of a feather and all that. Just be straight about it so that we all know where we stand. Not difficult, is it?

Jeez why do so many of you feel compelled to tell your partners everything like it is some kind of automatic right? No, I absolutely wouldn’t tell DH private information about a friend, I respect their privacy and boundaries.