Feeling guilty about blabbing friend’s private life to DP

[Nyorkie500]

I’m very chatty and often a bit of a blabber mouth.

My friend told me about a one night stand she had (she wanted more and he didn’t).. I was mentioning my friend to DP and accidentally mentioned this to him.

Now I feel really guilty about blabbing about it (he hasn’t met this friend yet) and she didn’t say it’s too secret but I guess it is obvious that it’s private..

Don’t know why I feel soo extremely guilty though.. I wish I was better at not over sharing what people have told me.

Am I a bad friend? :(

This thread has been a real eye opener to me.

I trust my dp and don't have any secrets from him. But if a friend told me something that seemed private, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to then tell dp. Similarly, if I was talking to a friend, I would have assumed that anything I was telling them was strictly between the two of us. Judging by this thread, half of them would go straight home and repeat whatever I had said to their dp.

This thread has put me right off having personal conversations with friends.

I’m another one that assumes people share everything with their partners.I know that information I pass onto DP will not go any further , there’s no danger of being passed on. So it’s the same as if I hadn’t stared it.
He will share with me too and I accept that it doesn’t go any further.

@metalkprettyoneday

I’m another one that assumes people share everything with their partners.I know that information I pass onto DP will not go any further , there’s no danger of being passed on. So it’s the same as if I hadn’t stared it. He will share with me too and I accept that it doesn’t go any further.

That's not the point though. I know my DH wouldn't share anything either, but it's disrespectful to gossip about friends. It isn't my information to share.

It has nothing to do with ‘trusting’ your DP/DH. It is because your friend did not choose to disclose whatever it was to them, and/or he is a total stranger to your friend. When you blabber things told you in private to your significant other, it really isn’t a sign of the openness and honesty of your relationship, it’s a sign you’re prizing the cheap thrill of ‘Ooh, did I tell you Debbie shagged that Kevin from Accounts?’ over your friendship and confidentiality.

The idea of it makes me feel embarrassed for my own sex. I have a vision of an ill educated chatty airhead sharing shallow gossip with a yawning husband reading the newspaper while she dusts around him. Hardly a woman of stature who commands respect.

Nail on head - embarrassing for all who do it.

@notacooldad

So those of you that are sharing a friends private info because you ' tell the your partners everything " do you recount every single bit of the conversation that you e had eg, what they had for tea that evening, that they went to the park with their sister, how their work day has been, what shoes they bought in the sale? Or are you just gossiping about the 'interesting' stuff that has fuck all to do with him. anyway?

Yawn, are you really that disingenuous or you cannot comprehend the concept of an adult conversation?

what they had for tea that evening is that what people tell YOU in confidence, really? 😂 Do you really cannot understand the difference and can only speak in this form to your partner:
"so Karen said, then Susan said, but Karen did this, and Karen did that, so I said, and Susan found out that and Karen said that it's a secret..."
and everybody else's head explodes in boredom.

Meanwhile, normal couple can just.. talk, and either mention or joke and refer to something told by a friend,

Some posters really need to grow up, but it must be exhausting to listen to their gossips.

The idea of it makes me feel embarrassed for my own sex. I have a vision of an ill educated chatty airhead sharing shallow gossip with a yawning husband reading the newspaper while she dusts around him. Hardly a woman of stature who commands respect

If you can't comprehend that not everybody is like that, it says more about you than them.

@Cloudninenine

Also worth pointing out to the posters in a fever of ecstasy over berating the OP - her friend didn’t say this was private information she wasn’t to pass on. I know it’s convenient to ignore that so you can have a go, but it is relevant and it does change things!

Why should it need to be stated that you shouldn't share certain things? That's what common sense is for.

Can you picture a smug and gloating woman boasting about "knowing a secret, but I can't tell you, because I am so important me" to their partner desperately trying to read their paper in peace, and thinking "am I supposed to actually care"? 😂

onlyhereforthecake
Yawn, are you really that disingenuous or you cannot comprehend the concept of an adult conversation?
The point I'm making is that people are claiming they tell their partners 'EVERYTHING' that they've been talking to their friend about. They dont. They just tell the salacious stuff. The stuff that has nothing to do with him.

It’s fully clear the point you were making, @notacooldad.

A nerve touched, I think.

It’s fully clear the point you were making, @notacooldad*(

A nerve touched, I think
Which nerve would that be then?

LOL, I’m fully agreeing with you! I mean you clearly touched a nerve with your bang on post.

LOL, I’m fully agreeing with you! I mean you clearly touched a nerve with your bang on post.
Oh I see, sorry I misunderstood!

This thread has put me right off having personal conversations with friends.

Yep. There was a thread like this before, and it seems like the vast majority just had to tell their DP their friends' personal stuff, because they were clearly one entity, and anyone who didn't couldn't possibly be in a happy relationship.

It completely changed how I share any of my worries. Which isn't great because now I bottle things up more than is healthy. But if I wanted people's partners to know, I'd tell them myself. And how these posters can't understand that, I don't know. I don't care if their partner wouldn't pass it on. I don't want HIM to know my stuff, FFS.

@onlyhereforthecake

The idea of it makes me feel embarrassed for my own sex. I have a vision of an ill educated chatty airhead sharing shallow gossip with a yawning husband reading the newspaper while she dusts around him. Hardly a woman of stature who commands respect

If you can't comprehend that not everybody is like that, it says more about you than them.

I can comprehend it. I was brought up in a family where nothing was confidential, gossip and nosiness was the norm. I hated it and vowed not to be the same myself. It's an awful thing to know you cannot even tell your mother something private because she will discuss it with her relatives and it will be blown out of all proportion.

Of course I have come across it since - at work for example, which was awkward when I was a young person with little confidence. As I got older I just didn't engage. I always taught my children to keep confidences (obviously there will be exceptions to that but we don't generally encounter them), and I think they are pretty good about it but I don't police them. People have to learn for themselves.

My husband honestly wouldn't have wanted to know personal things about my friends and acquaintances and he was not a gossip.

We're imperfect human beings so we make mistakes but, honestly, telling someone else that a friend has (told you) had a reckless sexual encounter is just plain wrong; (I do know that she may have also confided in other people, that often happens).

Well, you broke her trust so it's not good.
You need to work on not sharing other people's information.

I’m very chatty and often a bit of a blabber mouth.

You say that as if it's something innate in you that you can't help. You're wrong. You don't have to be a blabbermouth. Clearly gossiping about other people's lives isn't a new thing for you. You've disrespected your friends consistently over time.

You need to stop.

I like the sound of your partner. Learn from him.

So you haven't known the friend long. So you don't fully know her situation. How would you feel if you told a friend something in confidence and she told her partner? That's your answer really.
When they do meet he will have an impression due to the story he was told.

Agree with others this thread is putting me off ever telling a friend anything!
"Being a blabbermouth " all teehee as if it's funny.
I'd die if I thought my friends told their husbands private stuff of mine. And be really angry and disappointed.

Blabbermouths , ask yourselves this ...

Would the friend still have told you XYZ story if the husband was on the sofa next to you listening in ? Probably not? Yes well. It goes no further and that's that

@TerribleCustomerCervix

DH and I share this kind of thing.

And we’re definitely not alone - I remember speaking to my SIL about this and she said when someone says “ok keep this to yourself…” she nods and her internal voice says “…except for Dave.”

I expect that anything I tell a friend could be shared with their DP or DH. Just means that the stuff I don’t want people to know I keep to myself.

Christ. Your SIL should at least have the decency and integrity to tell those confiding in her that she’s going to tell Dave, instead of nodding, encouraging the confidence, getting the newsworthy info and then blabbing. What an untrustworthy bitch and what an utterly shit friend.

I despise the ‘I tell DH everything’ brigade. For one, it makes them seem utterly insipid and pathetic. Secondly, it makes them disloyal and shit friends. Thirdly, it’s clearly just not true. They’re obviously not sharing the colour, size and consistency of their every shit with him, so they are capable of filtering what they say. Fourthly, he’s probably not that interested in half of what they blab anywsy, but they don’t pick up the cues, making them fairly crap partners too.

But the cavalier attitude to their friends and their privacy is actually repulsive.
I ended a long-standing friendship over this once. A friend told her DH something I had told her in confidence. And she did it in front of me, laughingly disregarding my discomfort with “oh come on, it’s only DH, he won’t tell anyone”. Missing the point that he may or may not actually tell anyone, I didn’t want him to know this information about me. I walked out of her house that night and haven’t spoken to her since.

@SweatyBetty20

If I found out, you wouldn't be my friend for much longer. I'm mates with you, not your husband. I don't understand why you feel the need to tell him. You're just a nasty gossip monger.

Seriously? The poster already said she feels terrible, what on earth do you get out of making her feel worse? Do you just carry on your day as normal knowing you’ve made someone feel like sh** ? Op you’re not nasty, you feel guilty and you didn’t do it on purpose. Woman who kick woman when they’re down are the nasty ones.

If I told a friend a secret, I'd totally expect them to tell their DH but nobody else. All my friends would say the same. Sorry if that's wrong!

Op you’re not nasty, you feel guilty and you didn’t do it on purpose
Dont be ridiculous! Op is a fully grown adult. She knows what words are coming out of her mouth. She says she is a 'blabber mouth'. It was done on purpose otherwise the op is incredibly dim.
How can you ' accudently' say
my friend had a one night stand why would you even want to gossip about a friend to a third party. In this case the OP partner hasn't even met her given knowledge about the friend that the friend doesn't know he has. Awful!