Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

DaisyDreaming

Yes we did this with a friend we'd often pick stuff up for each other, lend a £5 here or there, we'd also ate together sometime, So if I made a shepherd's pie or spaghetti bol I'd make enough so my friend and her DC could eat at ours, she'd do the same when she could.

@namechangedForthus I think dome people here are being quite unkind.

I have been in the position your friend is in and its scary but you learn to cope. I also know people like yourself who up until the pandemic and furlough had no idea just how close most people are to going under.

I don't think you have been ignorant or unkind, if you have never been in that position then it is perfectly understandable that you wouldn't know how common it is.

You sound lovely and I am sure your friend knew your offer came from kindness.

OP about 1/4 of the British population lived in poverty before the pandemic (so probably higher now).

I am truly struggling to understand how an adult can be so out of touch with real life. I think you might find this article useful www.bigissue.com/latest/uk-poverty-the-facts-figures-and-effects/

Yes that’s normal.

It’s not uncommon sadly. I had several years where this was the norm - when I think back on it I realise it was so stressful, even though all my bills were paid. I was lucky I had my parents around to help in the odd time we had an emergency (the one I can think of is my fridge breaking, and I couldn’t afford either a new one or to replace the precious food that you rely on to tide you over at the end of the month). I used to do surveys to get nectar points.

I am thankful every day that I’m no longer in that position anymore. With a small child it was so stressful.

I was surprised to read this. When my marriage broke up I had to live very frugally but never actually ran out of money. This is when I started to buy items such as loo paper, on a good offer and buy more than one if I could. Little by little, I managed to be on a better footing and saved every penny I could. I still live by the same principles but now have a small cushion of savings.

Totally normal.

Yep I'm in that situation. Unable to work due to sickness and ESA just about covers bills but there are several days in the month when my bank is empty.

Did you think people use food banks for the fun of it

Normal for me. Single mum 3 children. I work two jobs and claim UC but there is a large portion of every month that I have £0 in my bank. If there’s an emergency it just has to wait. However, there is always food in the cupboard (I have a good stock of long life items and tinned food ‘just in case’). They get free school meals and subsidised clubs. I always fill up the car when I get paid. Often though I have to choose which bills to pay. Rent is my issue too, it’s extortionate.

You sound lovely, but I would be mortified if someone offered to help me out like that. One friend recently said she’d be happy to pay me to do some odd jobs if I needed and I felt so ashamed.

I pay my bills and then I make do with what's left. It isn't much.

You're one of the lucky ones to not know what that's like.

I'm well off now but as a young adult I had many, many days/weeks like that. I'd get paid, set aside what I needed for rent/utilities/essentials/railcard and what was left I lived on. I was paid monthly so quite often by the last week of the month I would get by eating what I had in the cupboards/fridge. I considered myself very fortunate that I earned enough to live on and didn't go hungry (although some meals were very basic). A particular favourite was stir fried frozen veg with garlic topped with an egg or plain yoghurt. I also made a great salad out of tomatoes, tinned sweetcorn and pickled beetroot.

I remember living off a bag of frozen vegetables and a loaf of bread for over a week. I had a few packets of ketchup and some sugar sachets nabbed from mcdonalds, a handful of teabags and scraped together some money to buy a pint of milk and literally nothing else. The next time I had money all I could afford was bread, sausages and apples. It is very real to have no money in your account or purse, and no food in your fridge or cupboards.

Thankfully I'm in a much better place now, and can donate to foodbanks and charities. Please do offer her help though if you can, she might be too embarrassed to ask. Although lots of other people are in the same situation as her she might've said it to make it not seem as bad, but it is. If she won't accept money or food, maybe offer her something for her or her kids. Luxuries are the first thing to go when money's tight so a little gift wouldn't go amiss if you can afford it.

add up the shopping on the way round the supermarket

It's so stressful.

It can happen to anyone.

Are you seriously saying you don't know about the poverty / breadline issues in this country? Do you live under a golden rock?

This is my normal
I've just spent my last £2 on milk. I get paid CB tomorrow, but that will go on the weekly shop, then I'll be left with around £5 to last me until next Tuesday, when I'll do the same again. My bills are always paid and there's always food in the house. But I do often go without a brew so that the milk will last a little longer and I will also skip breakfast or lunch of needed.

“add up the shopping on the way round the supermarket“

There is no panic like the panic when stood in a supermarket realising you’ve made an error and have to choose something to put back. X100 when there’s someone huffing in the queue behind you

I've lived like this.
It's an awfully stressful feeling and you never quite get rid of the fear.
I earn great money now and have good savings but I still check my bank balance before I walk into the supermarket, a hangover habit from the embarrassment of my card declining at the till so many times.

Me and dh were in this position when ds was a baby. Dh lost his job and all we had to live on was jsa. I nearly cried when dh put our last £10 on the wrong electric key. We lived on smart price bread and hot dogs as thats pretty much all we could afford after buying ds milk and nappies. A lot of the time we had to borrow money off the inlaws for more food and If anything broke we couldn't replace it. I wouldn't ever like to be that poor again

Also trying to think of a plausible reason for doing this I usually go with ‘oops, I’ve brought the wrong card, I’ll have to put some bits back as there’s not much in this account’

sadly that's not a new thing either.
I remember my mum asking around the allotments for free veg.

eggs with mustard sauce and whatever veg for a week before payday.

Are you In the UK? If so how could you not no this is normal for many off people hence we have so many food banks.

This is probably common for the majority of the population.

3 – 4 days each WEEK? I would have thought it might be the case for 3 – 4 days a month, but not per week.

I always knew some had far less than me, never been in this situation, surprised it’s so common.
Make sure I do give by direct debit to food bank every month