Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

All the time. My bank is at minus £2000 permanently. As soon as I get paid, I pay the rent and council tax and the overdraft is back to maxed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I know you didn't. Like I said earlier. Your heart is in the right place x

@Codoftherings

Hi *@namechangedForthus* sorry about some of the comments you’re getting as I know you’re coming from a really good place. Sometimes it can be a shock to know how other people live/get by/manage. It can be a real eye opener. The world is an unfair place x

This.

@namechangedForthus

I can’t imagine the stress on a weekly basis of just having all your money gone on bills and then nothing left for over half the week. It’s really made me think

Your friend you described is actually in a better position than a lot of people. Some people stress about having enough to have 'full' freezers and food cupboards and well dressed kids.

I'm not for a minute saying she's lucky and I sympathise but it's unfortunately better than many people in the uk just now

@Auntycorruption

Does she work? Does she have a partner? Are you sure the situation is as clear as you make out - ie if she doesn't work does her partner control access to money?

Yes she is married and her husband works and she has a small part time job. But she said rent is expensive that’s the main issue but she doesn’t seem upset she wasn’t looking for sympathy but o do feel bad for her I just had no idea this is how it is for people literally no idea. Yes I appreciate how privilege I am and I can be in my own world and not know these things. I just started this thread to find out if this is really that common as she said to me ‘lots of people are the same!’

@IncessantNameChanger

I think a lot of people have perpetual debt on cards loans etc. That's very very common.

I didnt realise it was rude to offer help. I have bailed my friend out a few times thinking I was being helpful.

I'd have loved help when I was in that situation, you are a good friend. I was too embarrassed to ask though.

Yep we’re always in that position numerous times a month, as long as my bills like rent, gas and electric etc are paid and I have food in the house I consider myself lucky as I know there are people that struggle to do that much.
We heavily budget so that we can have the basics but when you have not much coming in it’s normal to have days/weeks where the bank has £0 in.

Very naive of you to not realise this is a reality for many people. Lovely people have debt and struggle financially as well as ‘obviously poor’ people.

This was my norm for many years.

It’s a vicious cycle as when an emergency does arise you borrow from a credit card or payday loan and then you are in even more trouble as you are then in minus most days and constantly trying to keep your head above water.

@EleanorOlephantisjustfine

Very naive of you to not realise this is a reality for many people. Lovely people have debt and struggle financially as well as ‘obviously poor’ people.

I meant lovely in that she’s lovely I don’t think she would take my offer in the wrong way . Not lovely as in lovely people shouldn’t have money problems if that makes sense ?

Some of these responses are rude and wrong. Statistically only 15 percent of the population have no savings at all. The majority of the population don’t live like this. This doesn’t mean it’s uncommon, but it is not the majority of the population.

Oh and also, this week I'm eating ramen packet noodles for lunch because I'm trying to minimise how far I got into overdraft this month so that I can recover quicker.

Until last month, I was managing to stay just above 0 until payday. I have about £8K in debt.

And I earn above the average UK salary, but this is unfortunately below the average London salary, which is where I live. I live on my own which is where a lot of the money goes, but I need to live alone for my mental health.

yes its normal.

We lived like that for years, and yes the stress takes it toll.

The constant worry, the were the fuck do I find the money for school friends Birthday present, school trip or pay a £s to school so the DC can wear something red, odd socks, PJs etc....let alone the the unexpected Bills although with that you can normally manage to juggle things or cancel a DD to buy time.

I've never been in that situation and I don't think many friends are - but I'm very aware I just wouldn't know unless they told me.

However I am a foodbank volunteer and I would say that many of our foodbank users are in this sort of situation. Managing week to week with food in the house and bills covered but absolutely no wriggle room, so if your car (which you absolutely have to have running for work) and your washing machine stop working at the same time you're absolutely stuffed.

In a way it's even more difficult when families like this are generally managing as they often aren't in touch with the sort of support agencies who routinely refer to the food bank and don't always know how to access support.

Interestingly I have a strong suspicion that families in this situation make up a lot of our donors to food bank too. I know of several who've said to me that when they have a good month they buy for the foodbank. When they have a bad month they might use it.

I've had 99p in my bank account for 2 weeks. I won't have anymore in it until Thursday. When I get paid about 90% of it goes on the first day in bills etc. I have no family I can borrow money from, and my bank cancelled my overdraft about 2 years ago.

Very common, and add in lots of people have zero money regularly and are on prepaid electricity. Are you in a position and have the type of friendship where you can lend her small amounts of money? I often lend a friend money, really ‘small’ amounts when you aren’t broke (£5 here, even was £1.50 once), they always pay it back but helps when something unexpected crops up or money comes in a day later than planned.

Sadly, very common.

Yep, we're in "freezer pot luck" dinner week and I'll use my Clubcard vouchers to buy essentials such as kids lunches. I do make sure I have enough milk, cereal and bread though for these times so the kids can have something before bed if they are still hungry. Am always at the end of my £850 overdraft.
But, I know my bills are paid, mortgage paid and kids are clean and fed. I am much more fortunate than some others and thank my lucky stars.
My best friend however rocked up to school today in her brand new Porsche. She has an aga and only drinks Earl grey. Has cleaners, gardeners the works. But she has had the most awful health these last few years and very nearly died.
She's money rich, I'm healthy rich 🤷‍♀️

We are not there now but 10 or so years ago we would both have been well into our overdrafts a couple of week into the month. If you've never been there OP, you are extremely lucky or just more financially savvy than most.

I have been in this position before and know people who are now. I don't this it is uncommon - unfortunately

Why are people being rude and trying to make the OP feel bad. She's genuinely not experienced this so it was a shock to her. If the thread upsets you, don't read it.

OP I don't think you've been insensitive at all. I remember when I bought my house I had nothing. No room had carpets, I had no fridge, nothing. Bit by bit I got furnished but at the end of one month things were bad. My DP invited some friends round for tea. Lovely, but I had no money. I had to settee dive and go through old bags to try and find enough money to make a very potato heavy cottage pie. It's a long time ago and my situation is nothing like people with children who do it week after week, but it makes you take nothing for granted.

I have never been in this position, but I lnow people who are, or who have been, and yes, for many people, this is normal.
I remember a school friend with two young children telling me she had 6p to last two days (to supplement bread and spread and potatoes she had at home) so she bought an orange as it could be divided between her and her children, could be given out in segments over the day, provided vitamin C and felt like a treat. So much thought put into how to spend 6p that I would not have even thought twice about.

I've experienced both ends of the spectrum, life is far less stressful when you don't have to add up the shopping on the way round the supermarket or panic when the kids come home with a ruined shoe.

Looking back, I spent the first 8 years of my life like this but me and my brother never had a clue! When mum died I read all her letters to my dad asking for money when he moved abroad with work. She spoke of us all eating cheese and crackers or jacket potatoes at the end of the week because we had no money. I'm sure I absolutely loved that though as they were my favourites!!

I'm currently back to struggling, I'm a lone parent, full time student and it's the summer break. I've been trying to get a job but everywhere wants flexibility or weekends or evening work. I'm so worried my kids are going to have a shit summer where I can't even afford an ice cream from the van.

Yes this is normal - people exist in different situations. I had a £3K overdraft until last year - sometimes even being paid (I have a decent job) didn't get me into credit.

I've lived like this, more or less in permanent overdraft, trying to bring up young children. Those days have passed thankfully.

I'm a regular food bank supporter now.