Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

I grew up in a household like that. Yes it was kind of stressful to me but then I'm a stresshead. My mum was quite cool about it as it was just the way it was.

@Pebbledashery

Respectfully, you sound lovely but a bit ignorant. This is probably common for the majority of the population.

I’m autistic I think maybe that is why I’m coming across as ignorant I don’t mean to

I've been like that in the past, sometimes even with decent money coming in because I didn't manage it really carefully. Imagine how easy it becomes to have that happen, the smaller your income is. There is a large percentage of people who have zero savings. Can't remember but it'll be googleable.

@DisgruntledPelican

You can be lovely and also poor, OP

Yes I totally understand that I mean she is lovely and that I don’t think I would have offended her by offering to get anything she needed at the shop

Patronising much? Thank your lucky stars you don't know this.

And you have no one else you can call, no parents or friends to bail you out. It's not a funny sitcom or song it's real life for millions.

Yes

@GlitchStitch

Haven't you heard of people in poverty, using food banks etc? Why are you so shocked?

Because I thought that it was probably something occasional but to hear that every week for years someone can just have zero in the bank for half the week just shocked me and I felt awful for her as it must be so worrying in case unexpected bills come in

I've gone days with 1p in the bank and nothing but a tin of beans in the cupboard.

But that is actually very normal. Some bills had to take a raincheck and every month I would try to re budget. Life is hard, my life isn't like that now but up until a few months ago it was

@Eviethyme

I've gone days with 1p in the bank and nothing but a tin of beans in the cupboard.

But that is actually very normal. Some bills had to take a raincheck and every month I would try to re budget. Life is hard, my life isn't like that now but up until a few months ago it was

That sounds so difficult

Happens to me often.

I didn’t mean to offend or be patronising I’m just trying to understand I didn’t realise this was how it is for so many people and I felt awful for my friend

I've been ok for a few years but used to be permanently in my overdraft when I was newly divorced.

Normal, though I'd be surprised if the majority of posters on here have no savings - mumsnet has a rather well heeled demographic.

It’s very normal. DH and I work in ok paying jobs, sometimes there too much month left at the end of the paycheque.

I've definitely been there during a few stages of my life. I've had zero in the bank (and also had less than zero and got to the limit of my overdraft) many times. I've had times when I've had to chose which bill to pay, and had to feed myself on very little money (at one point, while training, I couldn't afford butter for my toast - I had to take a packed lunch into my placement and all I could afford was dry toast, toast felt less embarrassing than dry bread, and when people asked why I was eating dry toast I'd say I didn't like butter. Was humiliating. But at least I had toast). I've pawned things to pay for emergencies. I know that there's millions of people now living like that and feel really fortunate that I don't anymore.

In all honesty. Seeing a thread like this is quite upsetting. It's not a place I would ever want to go to again. People just live like this, it's a fact of life.. The fact you don't know people live like this suggest you've had a good life and don't know what poverty is. I know it wasn't your intention, and I still think you are a lovely and caring person but opening this up for discussion brings back many bad memories for people who have been in this position for whatever reason.

I used to live on £20 a week after all my bills were paid. That had to pay for all food, toiletries, entertainment. No savings at all. I had absolutely no money for luxuries, I broke my glasses and couldn't afford new ones so I had to wear the same pair of contact lenses for 6 months and ended up with infections in both eyes.

Yep. Same here. I often have nothing. Bills are covered, but I personally am penniless.

Hi @namechangedForthus sorry about some of the comments you’re getting as I know you’re coming from a really good place. Sometimes it can be a shock to know how other people live/get by/manage. It can be a real eye opener. The world is an unfair place x

Does she work? Does she have a partner? Are you sure the situation is as clear as you make out - ie if she doesn't work does her partner control access to money?

@Pebbledashery

In all honesty. Seeing a thread like this is quite upsetting. It's not a place I would ever want to go to again. People just live like this, it's a fact of life.. The fact you don't know people live like this suggest you've had a good life and don't know what poverty is. I know it wasn't your intention, and I still think you are a lovely and caring person but opening this up for discussion brings back many bad memories for people who have been in this position for whatever reason.

I’m so so sorry I really didn’t want to upset anyone I was just trying to find out is this how it is for people and to just understand it more and I really didn’t want to trigger anyone or upset anyone

Been there for much of my adult life. For what it's worth OP, I would have been touched not offended by that offer, wouldn't have taken you up on it but would gave thought you were lovely to offer.

I think a lot of people have perpetual debt on cards loans etc. That's very very common.

I didnt realise it was rude to offer help. I have bailed my friend out a few times thinking I was being helpful.

@namechangedForthus It's OK. I am sure she knows you meant well.

It's not a nice position to be on the receiving end of this though, no matter how well meant.

I agree with PP , you are lucky to have never been in that position , as a child even though both my parents works really hard and long hours ( esp Ddad )they were often over drawn by about £100 by the end of the month , that was in the 1980 so £100 was a lot of money .
they managed to pull themselves out of the overdraft with sheer hard work and determination and I will NEVER forget the day that my dad told me at the end of the month they still had £1.20 left in the bank . he was ecstatic

I swore I would never get into debt but life is not that easy and I ended up about £2.500 into my overdraft , I remembered how my dad felt when he cleared our debt and I wanted that feeling so I got two part time bar jobs along side my full time job , it nearly killed me but after 18 months I got to enjoy that feeling too