Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

Believe me the number of posters who love to post how much they earn is depressing (and tacky).
It's a thread asking to tell about if they earn over 50k so the op can try to get to that level. There's the same judginess on people who earn a lot of money as people are saying here.

My life.. it's fine day to day, but only gets hard when someone says something like"lets get a coffee" or it's someone's birthday. I hate wasting money on other people when my kids need something. My parents are not at all understanding if you say you can't give them a birthday gift or come out for a meal. But they will happily lecture on excessive spending that we apparently do. Yeah the gas bill is so frivolous.

It's a hard lesson to your kids when they don't get anything they want for their birthdays, no holidays, no treats, but we survive. My clothes have holes but I can sew! It's my DS' 6th birthday on the weekend, I dread these things when I'd like to splash on him, he deserves it, but we can't.

"I often hide from the wheelie clean lady when she comes to collect her £3 every other Monday.. because I simply don't have it! She gets it in the end. I make sure I reserve it out of our next wages. And I like m
The wheelie bin to be cheap but don't particularly want to clean it myself."

I find this so strange. Why have a cleaner if you don't even have £3. Leave it dirty or clean it yourself.

(I'm also staggered that this is what she charges you, I hope she does all your neighbours' bins at the same time).

@Gwenhwyfar

"I often hide from the wheelie clean lady when she comes to collect her £3 every other Monday.. because I simply don't have it! She gets it in the end. I make sure I reserve it out of our next wages. And I like m The wheelie bin to be cheap but don't particularly want to clean it myself."

I find this so strange. Why have a cleaner if you don't even have £3. Leave it dirty or clean it yourself.

(I'm also staggered that this is what she charges you, I hope she does all your neighbours' bins at the same time).

@Gwenhwyfar it's not so strange.. I work a lot of hours.. and have family responsibilities to juggle. It's hard enough keeping the house in some kind of order without scrubbing a smelly wheelie bin. I don't mind paying the £3.. doesn't seem excessive to me.. I just don't always have it when she calls even though we budget quite carefully

"doesn't seem excessive to me.."

Well, no, it's peanuts. I'm surprised that's the price.
Do you just mean you have a cash flow issue when you don't have the £3 eg you don't have the change, or your money's gone into savings or other things or do you really sometimes not even have £3 but still have the luxury of a cleaner?

"My life.. it's fine day to day, but only gets hard when someone says something like"lets get a coffee" or it's someone's birthday. "

Can you be honest and say you can't afford it? I'm sure most friends would be happy to buy you the coffee.

@Gwenhwyfar

"doesn't seem excessive to me.."

Well, no, it's peanuts. I'm surprised that's the price.
Do you just mean you have a cash flow issue when you don't have the £3 eg you don't have the change, or your money's gone into savings or other things or do you really sometimes not even have £3 but still have the luxury of a cleaner?

@Gwenhwyfar I don't have a cleaner?! God I wish.... this is just a service thematic cleans and sterilises the WHEELIE BIN and puts a bag in it. And sometimes, post mid-month (with all bills paid) I really don't have £3 no.

*cleans and sterilises (autocorrect gone mad)

The wheelie bin service is a bit weird. It's really dishonest and disrespectful to employ this service which let's face it is an optional luxury and then hide from the service provider so as not to pay for it on time.

@Snog

The wheelie bin service is a bit weird. It's really dishonest and disrespectful to employ this service which let's face it is an optional luxury and then hide from the service provider so as not to pay for it on time.

Lol at "optional luxury". Heaven forbid that I should get my nails done or treat myself to a facial and then be a few days late with the council tax as a result...

I pay her. Sometimes I am not home from work when she calls. She just collects double next time. But on two occasions I just haven't answered the door (ie "hidden") because I didn't have the £3, like the lady who avoided the window cleaner. What heinous criminals we are, allowing ourselves a small luxury to make life a bit nicer/easier despite not having plenty of disposable income

I'm not against anyone choosing to spend their money on luxury items, but if you then don't pay for them or have them and then choose to make someone wait a week for their money without their consent I don't think that's ok.
I don't think it's ok if you are rich or if you are poor, it's just a bad way to treat other people.

@Snog

I'm not against anyone choosing to spend their money on luxury items, but if you then don't pay for them or have them and then choose to make someone wait a week for their money without their consent I don't think that's ok. I don't think it's ok if you are rich or if you are poor, it's just a bad way to treat other people.

I think it's part and parcel of the service .. they don't necessarily expect everyone to be in when they call for payment. Why would everyone? It's only the same as if I was out. I'm not going to torture myself over it. I don't treat people badly. I pay my bills. Twice the wheelie bin cleaning service have collected £6 instead of £3 because I didn't answer the door because I'd run out of money. I settled up the following weeks

Do lot of other folk never use the expression "oh I'll get that when I get paid?" Or heard lots of other people say it?

People say it because they can't afford to spend money again until pay day. It IS normal.. I'm sure of it!

@Gwenhwyfar can you really not wrap your head around all this?

It's embarrassing/stigmatising to say you can't afford to eg go for a coffee out. You don't want people thinking you're angling for a hand out, you also don't want them thinking you don't want to spend time with them. It's really tricky

You must lead a sheltered and somewhat charmed life if you begrudge someone their bin cleaned!

I've lived like this and it's bloody miserable. I remember a time I stole a toilet roll from my works toilet because we couldn't afford to replenish ours that day.

I don't think it's necessarily normal but it happens. We now are a bit better off but not immensely. I do have a little in savings though (hundreds, not thousands yet) for emergencies but we still have days where we can't really spend anything. But even those days there is money, it's just allocated to bills.

@YanTanTethera123

I too remember writing cheques and hoping they’d take 4 or 5 days to clear because otherwise they’d bounce. For the first 25 years of marriage this was life; buying the cheapest food possible, being very frugal was the norm, clothes for Christmas and birthdays from my parents etc. Ironically my parents were well off but never offered help (and if I’d asked I would have got short shrift) Luckily now we’re comfortable but I will never forget those years, I don’t think my DCs ever realised how hard it was. I remember doing agency nights on top of working full time as a nurse, just to be able to buy a new duvet cover when our only double one fell apart at the seams, or the DCs new shoes. Unexpected expenses were a nightmare.

Yes, this was my experience too. We are much better off now but I still fear not having enough.

I think once you've experienced that it's very very hard to shake the need to keep an eye on things and spend carefully.

My ex is not from a wealthy family but has never experienced this kind of poverty. His family always had enough money for treats after bills etc were paid, he joined the army at 17 which while the pay at entry isn't great it's good for a 17 year old and they get subsidised accommodation and food, free uniform inc shoes/boots so when they get their pay packet it's basically just spends

When we first married (we didn't live together first as we weren't living in same county) he drove me nuts with his lax attitude to spending and he did actually leave us short one month and his response was "we'll just use the overdraft"

Turns out he didn't know that overdrafts cost! He knew nothing about how banks worked, interest rates, he had a credit card he didn't know if he didn't pay it off in full monthly he was charged interest and a late fee on etc he was clueless. His parents are lovely but they really failed him on this score.

I ended up sitting down with him with paper bank statements (this was over 25 years ago) and literally with a highlighter pen showing him he'd paid hundreds in overdraft costs in the year prior to our wedding. Did same with his credit card statements (which he opened but apparently didn't read!). He also tried to make out I was the spendthrift because I liked going into town of a Saturday with a friend, she drove we didn't and we'd get any shopping we needed (clothes but also household items like lightbulbs or Tupperware type things) then we'd have a McDonald's and then do the supermarket shop (she'd be getting hers too) and she'd drop me home. Again I was able to show him on the bank statements that I wasn't spending nearly as much as he was on rugby tickets, computer games, nights out etc

We negotiated a budget which was also a new concept to him, which included saving some and having a set amount for personal expenditure.

Occasionally he'd moan that it was too strict, but then I'd remind him he was the one that wanted to save for a holiday, or wanted a rugby season ticket or whatever.

In the course of the budget conversation he asked me why I was so stressed about the money because as he saw it, there wasn't a problem as he had such a secure job. I explained how hard I'd had it at times before we met and indeed even when we were first together which he wasn't aware of. I also pointed out that while on paper his job was secure it also had risks - he was due to be deployed shortly after the budget discussion to a very volatile part of the world. His last deployment one of his unit had not returned, he'd died. He hated discussing such things - which I get - but it's necessary too. I had to bug the life out of him to do a will when we had dd.

Certainly is my reality. Though for the last week or so of a month.

No she she meant she wanted to help her friend because 'she and her kids are lovely and she wanted to help them

Sadly it is for many. Your friend has her prior right though and has her bills paid and a good back up in the freezer. I’d applaud her.

• priorities

@ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands

* I pay her. Sometimes I am not home from work when she calls. She just collects double next time. But on two occasions I just haven't answered the door (ie "hidden") because I didn't have the £3, like the lady who avoided the window cleaner. What heinous criminals we are, allowing ourselves a small luxury to make life a bit nicer/easier despite not having plenty of disposable income*

Someone who is cleaning wheelie bins for a living for £3 a go won’t be having the facial and manicures that you occasionally treat yourself with

@ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands

Do lot of other folk never use the expression "oh I'll get that when I get paid?" Or heard lots of other people say it?

People say it because they can't afford to spend money again until pay day. It IS normal.. I'm sure of it!

But I’ve said that. And it’s not because no spare money It’s because I save every month And put a lot in to pension

So sometimes a new clothes purchase for example must wait until pay day because I’m not prepared to reduce savings and pensions

And I think that is also the case for quite a few people

[quote Marmitemarinaded]@ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands

* I pay her. Sometimes I am not home from work when she calls. She just collects double next time. But on two occasions I just haven't answered the door (ie "hidden") because I didn't have the £3, like the lady who avoided the window cleaner. What heinous criminals we are, allowing ourselves a small luxury to make life a bit nicer/easier despite not having plenty of disposable income*

Someone who is cleaning wheelie bins for a living for £3 a go won’t be having the facial and manicures that you occasionally treat yourself with[/quote]
@Marmitemarinaded I don't have facials or manicures!! The idea is laughable. My one "luxury" is paying £3 a fortnight for the wheelie bin to be cleaned! I'm getting married in 8 weeks (a small register office wedding, don't worry.. I haven't funded it through unpaid bills!) and am having £1.50 stick on nails from Primark, to go with my (beautiful) £135 ASOS dress. I'm more then delighted with this.

I was just using "facials and manicures" examples of something that "poor folk" (I didn't see myself as "poor" unless I read this thread) might save up to occasionally treat ourselves with.. but that clearly, "some people on Mumsnet" would disapprove of if it meant doing some "creative juggling" with the finances that month in order to afford it. We should just be going without.

This thread has been on my mind all week. It's been an eye-opener re (some) people's attitudes. I always lived like this.. always from childhood.. so I guess this is normal to me and I feel a sense of pride at "getting everything paid for" (which I do.. the majority of the time).. and SOMETIMES the creative juggling is called for. My dad put that in my head.. "never a borrower or a lender be" he said. So other than my "needs must" car loan, I have no debt, no store cards, no credit cards. I might run out of money monthly but I live to my means. I'm not jealous of people's six figure salaries... I'm sure it makes life easier but ultimately, money doesn't buy happiness. What does amaze and sadden me, since reading this thread, is the judgey disapproval of some (not all.. and certainly not the OP) who don't experience this.. probably never have.. and yet judge those of us that do.. and who run out of money in the bank before payday. It seems like some of you REALLY have no idea... 

As for my wheelie clean lady... on her flyer she PROMOTES the fact that it's "no problem if you're not in as they will be calling back".. so I don't think I'm doing much harm to her business or personal finances for not having had the £3 on two occasions. Moreover, I bet she CAN too, afford a facial or two if she wants one.. their firm recently won a local business award and is thriving. And good on her..

I think your problem @Marmitemarinaded is that you can't imagine that £3 per bin is anything other than peanuts .. and she's doing the equivalent of being a shoe shine boy of yesteryear... She isn't.. she's bridged a gap in the market... because shockingly nearly all my neighbours and others on my council estate use her... because yes even poor people like clean bins and relish the opportunity not to clean them themselves.. and her and her husband (it's a family business) are doing very well for themselves.. no thanks to me obviously!

*didn't see myself as "poor" UNTIL I read this thread (typo)