Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

You seem kind of sweet but I am shocked at your ignorance OP. I appreciate you didn't mean to but really, I'm gobsmacked that anyone can fail to realise that poverty exists.

I've lived like this; landed on my feet in a good job by chance after being made redundant, wouldn't ever want to go back there as it is incredibly stressful. I'm glad I had that period in my life though, it has made me very frugal with what we have now to try to ensure if the worst happens we won't go back there.

For years I used to give a work colleague money near end of month. She always paid me back, I never disclosed it to anyone else. It’s a hidden poverty, people presume because you’re working you are financially ok. Really common phenomenon and obviously people are not keen to openly discuss. It is a grind and the debilitating effects are cumulative as it wears people down

I’m sure I heard someone say that nearly everyone is only three pay cheques between being ok and being homeless.
I’m thinking if a documentary in the 1980s??
Ring any bells with anyone?

I definitely think it's more normal than not but I think most of us are lucky in that it will be for a limited time. This was us when the kids were in childcare fulltime. It lasted about 3 or 4 years. Now my friends who have only had kids in the last few years are going through this. I think with the cost of renting/buying nowadays it's pretty much a given and OP I think you sound lovely, it's just a topic that gets people a bit on edge sometimes x

After my divorce I had ten pound to live on each week. That was for makeup, cleaning products, going out (one drink) and anything that cropped up. Very grim. I got a second job in a bar to save a little for emergencies and clothes.

"Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs*"
*
I am a lone parent, and work as a support worker in the nhs, this is 100% reality for us, and a lot, if not most, people. I earn more than minimum wage, so there are those who have less than we do. Without tax credits etc we couldn't afford to live, and I budget carefully so that I can manage to save about £50 a month. Like your friend I always have food staples in the cupboard, and stuff in the freezer, but plenty of people don't, which is why food bank use has gone up so much.

If you have never been that short of money that you've lived 'hand to mouth' you have lived a very fortunate life indeed.

I don't think 3 - 4 days a week with zero is very common, no matter how much posters are falling over themselves to insist it is. Most of the pp examples are nothing near that much time - "being down to the last tenner" or "too many days until the next pay" isn't the same as half the month with nothing, with is what 3 or 4 days a week works out to.

I grew up very poor so certainly understand it's a possibility and understand regularly having time with no money, or food, but I'd be shocked by that too OP. There's a weird thing on MN where people want to normalise insane things about poor people. And lots of people describing being in that position "years ago" or "for a year"... Being skint when you're a student and then "working hard" and now owning a lovely house is not the same as chronic long term poverty. Literally having nothing and no prospects is a world away from that.

Some people are really skint, but others just have cashflow problems ie they have money or assets but it's elsewhere than in their current account.

This has turned into a weird thread with everyone berating the op for being surprised. There's lot of reasons the op could be surprised - the way her friend dresses, the things she knows she does, the house she lives in. Being surprised at hearing someone is in poverty is not the same as being unaware poverty exists. Some of you really need to stop being so pleased with yourselves for being so empathic to us poor little poor people

I remember crying over a pan of pasta, I'd forgot to turn it off and it turned to mush. I had nothing else and I mean nothing. I ate it 🤢

@namechangedForthus

I can’t imagine the stress on a weekly basis of just having all your money gone on bills and then nothing left for over half the week. It’s really made me think

Forgot to say, I'm regularly overdrawn too, only for a few days at a time until my tax credits come in, or I get maintenance from my ex (and again, plenty of line parents don't get this).

Yes it's stressful, but to a certain extent you just get used to it and get on with it.

I think what seems 'normal' to you varies hugely depending on whether you have children and where you are in the country. I'm single with no children and my annual salary is a bit less than full time minimum wage (I work term time). Where I live that's enough to rent a two-up two-down and still be able to afford occasional treats, and that's the norm for my friendship group. On the same salary in London you'd just about be able to rent a box room in a student houseshare in the cheapest areas - there are literally parking spots that cost almost 80% of my monthly rent! With living costs like that ir's not surprising a lot of people struggle, especially people with children or who can't work full time.

I genuinely don’t think op meant any harm in asking this,or expressing her surprise. She’s honest in saying she’s not encountered this or experienced it. None of that makes her a princess or really fortunate. Op,isn’t Marie Antoinette unaware and giddy. A great deal of people have no idea or experience of being really completely skint. That doesn’t render them bad or ignorant it just means they don’t know,or assume if you have a job you’re ok

Some of the posts on this thread are like the mumsnet equivalent of the four yorkshiremen.

Myself, ex dp & 3 kids lived off £37 a week (including nappies etc) after bills for over 6 months. It's doable, the kids didn't realise what was going on, I just skipped a lot of meals. I don't like to talk about it as feel ashamed we lived like that, but haven't been in that position since luckily.

I ended up with malnutrition because I wasn’t eating well enough when I was living like that. No money from day to day, scraping rent together, walking everywhere because public transport was a luxury I couldn’t afford. I’ll never understand how people can be in a situation like that and not be entitled to any help from the government, but it happens. It sucks.

I am more amazed that someone can be shocked that families often live from paycheck to paycheck. Is it normal to have had so cushioned and sheltered a life? I guess it is for lots of people - lucky them.

We are comfortable now but were on the bones of our arses when we were first married and when we had a young family. Those are tough times for many.

As said by @Pebbledashery ...

Respectfully, you sound lovely but a bit ignorant. This is probably common for the majority of the population.

.... especially those of us 'existing' on benefits

I think one of the issues is that sometimes people can’t afford to work F/T. When DD was young and I found myself a single parent, the full time nursery costs were the same as my take home pay if I worked full time, and the Govt help only covered a small portion. I had to go part time, essentially just working during the free nursery hours, as I was better off (though still poor). My career took a hit but there was no way around it as I didn’t have family who could provide free childcare (my mum was still in FT work herself and not yet at retirement age).

When I was a single mum living in London I lived in my overdraft. My salary took me out of it for the day I got paid and after the bills and rent went out I was back in the red. I had no savings and frequently ran out of money before the end of the month. It was a nightmare situation, but I definitely wouldn't say I was unique in living like that amongst people I knew, especially other single parents.

I'm in this position most of the time. Because of various health issues, I'm on benefits. I get benefits fortnightly so, depending on what bills/outgoings I have per fortnight I am brassic for anywhere from 5-10 days every fortnight. That does mean that bills have been paid, shopping has been done, etc, but I have no money for emergencies if they arise. For example, I got a very quick referral to a dermatologist last week but I had to call the hospital and rearrange the appointment for this week because I couldn't afford the transport to get to the hospital until yesterday. It's just the way it is. It gets me down sometimes but it's my life and my life isn't all bad. In many ways, I'm very lucky so I just accept that money isn't something that I'll ever get to roll in!

This is reality for us but we see this as doing well for ourselves

We are at a stage where wages go in, it goes out on bills, food, rent, car, maybe the odd clothes need replacing for the child, then there is immediately nothing or if we are lucky £20 left

We just figure if we can feed, clothe and keep a roof over our heads without having to borrow money or sell something then we are doing good

Wierd to think otherwise really, this is the reality of life, all fed and happy, the money has done it's job, you don't need luxuries- they are called luxuries because you can't often afford them

Bloody hell , I grew up with money and have never been anywhere near poor but I know a lot of people live like this . Haven't you ever heard the expression hand to mouth ? Have you seen how much rents are and how much minimum wage is ? I'd say after Covid it's more common that ever!