Is this normal ? Friend told me something and I’m wondering how common this is ?

[namechangedForthus]

Was chatting to a friend today and she mentioned something about it being ‘one of those days’ when I said I was just going to get a few bits from the shop.
After chatting a bit more it turns out that ‘one of those days’ is what she has 3-4 days each WEEK where they have ZERO in their account ?

She shrugged this off as ‘normal’ and ‘real life’ but I was quite shocked.
What if an emergency arises or an unexpected bill? She said they have no savings but that the rent and bills are paid and she always has food staples in and a freezer full so it’s just how it is. She laughed that I was shocked! I said I was more than happy to pick up any bits she needed

Is this really reality for people I would be so worried each week if it was me because of unexpected costs but she seemed resigned to this being how it will always be

She's got a roof over the family's heads, clothes on their backs and food in their stomachs. Hopefully they are a family full of love, laughter and happiness. All we need really. Anything else is truly a bonus. A lot of people strive just to achieve the first sentence.

This!! Stop reading The Daily Telegraph or The Times and get on board with the real lives lived by most of the population who didn't have comfortably off parents available to pay off student loans or contribute massively towards a first home.

As a child this was now life was for us. My mum was a single parent and usually had a few jobs at the same time - she lived from pay packet to pay packet. It was very normal for many people in my area. We lived in a council house in an affluent village. We had a lovely home that was always warm, I had warm clothes, there was always food in the house and I was so loved and well cared for. I didn’t have a clue! But as an adult I look back and realise how stressful it must have been at times for my lovely mum.

I haven’t lived like this as an adult - apart from when I was a student and blew my money on ridiculous things! But that doesn’t really count.

I work in social care in an area with extremely high levels of poverty and deprivation. I feel it’s different to how it was when I was young. In those days very few people had cars, we didn’t have such lavish lifestyles unless you were really rich. Debt / credit cards wasn’t really a thing for most people when I was growing up (provident cheques were though)

@sue20

At least OP is saddened and concerned for her friend. There's no moral high ground in being an old hand at experiencing financial poverty. I find some of these responses unnecessarily hard on OP. I grew up in the 60s in a family very much in hardship but I don't need a medal for it. The diminishing support from present governments is disgraceful. That's where the anger needs to be directed!

^ this

@ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands I loved your post!!

I know so many high earning miserable people!!

Yep!
There are far worse situations to be in.
I know, because I read about them here, and am glad being skint is my only real issue.
I have what I want.
A bed, enough food that I'm fat, and warmth in the winter.

Who do you vote for op?

Are you genuinely shocked this is how many people live op?

When I was raising dd especially after I could no longer work due to disability this was my reality.

When I first split from ex and was on benefits at a time when cm was deducted - even if he didn't pay it - I had several days/weeks when I managed on one small meal a day in order to feed dd.

Even when I was working I had all the bills come out the day after pay day to ensure they were covered. By the last week of the month we were managing on what we already had in food wise pretty much, I'd only buy minimal fresh items like milk.

I'm good at managing a tight budget after decades of practice, but even I can't magic up money if my benefits/wage was cocked up, or an emergency came up like a power cut rendering the freezer contents unsafe or a sudden hike in rail prices meaning I was stuck for fares for work.

For you to be as shocked as you are I can only imagine you have led a fairly...sheltered life!

Which is lovely for you but have you never considered this is why we have food banks and people trying to change the current welfare system etc?

I can't know how your autism affects you so I hope this comes across ok. Could you learn more about people in this kind of situation generally? Would that help you to understand a bit better?

Many of those using food banks are needing to do so regularly for months, years.

People don't generally discuss their personal finances out of personal pride and also it seems to be a bit of a British thing it's considered rude.

But if you were open to it you could discuss general things like benefits, food banks, poverty levels, how these things are being addressed (or not!)

You're not married? Yet you are dependent on your do not only financially but in terms of financial management. I would urge you if at all possible to learn to manage your own finances and if possible to earn more. If earning more is not possible then you at least need to safeguard yourself for when - not if - your relationship ends. It won't necessarily end as a result of you splitting up, at some point one of you will die and in all likelihood he'll die first because women tend to live longer so you need to have certain protections in place.

Do you have dc? If so even more need to have protections in place.

You never know what's around the corner.

At 29 I was married, working, decent pay, healthy

By 35 I was divorced, disabled, unemployed

Life can turn on you without warning.

yup happens everyw eek here for me, once rent bills and a tiny bit of food bought nothing left at all

Is this for real? How can someone live in such a bubble?

I went to private school
Grew up very privileged
For a professional job in the city
Married a wealthy man
Moved from London to very affluent SE commuting town
My children go to private school

So whilst I know this exists from the papers and from threads like this, I have no personal experience of it and have not encountered it in friends or family or colleagues.

This happened to me for the first time in a long time last week. Luckily on Mondays the child tax credits go in and DS2's DLA also went in.

I’m a teacher and DH works in education and we (before I went back full time) had this every month for 4 years. It’s grating and scary.

It annoys me that some posters are claiming it's like reading poverty top trumps. How insensitive?

Posters are talking about their experiences, why does that rub you up the wrong way?

I see the experiences on here vary quite a bit. My experience was rough for me, but my DC where fed and clothed(ebay/ charity shop), had swimming lessons each week (in my eyes essential) went to cubs and scouts.

The mortgage was paid, and Bill's were paid. food was in the cupboard.

no one apart from my BF knew. my BF was in a different position to us though, after leaving twat of a husband, moved from a massive beautiful house to renting a little house that had everything she and DC needed, but was left in terrible dept due to exdh, who also wouldn't pay maintenance half the time. She also had those awful pre pay meters in the house too which I think make life 10x worse.

But we didn't play top trumps, we both just muddled along helping each other out any way we could.

Why is talking about this, on a thread about not having savings playing top trumps?

This is incredibly normal, and sadly I would say it’s is more common than less. We live in Britain, we portray to the rest of the world and here at home that our economy is strong and so that means household economies/finances are. It’s just simply a lie, most live this way, paycheck to paycheck 😟 over 1million food bank users tells the story far better than and government statistic or narrative. So many People in this ‘rich’ country are living on the breadline

@sue20

At least OP is saddened and concerned for her friend. There's no moral high ground in being an old hand at experiencing financial poverty. I find some of these responses unnecessarily hard on OP. I grew up in the 60s in a family very much in hardship but I don't need a medal for it. The diminishing support from present governments is disgraceful. That's where the anger needs to be directed!

I too feel some of the responses are unnecessarily hard on the OP. I was brought up in a single parent family (Mum and Dad separated in the 50s, which in those times was not usual - I was the only child in my class to have no father at home). Money was tight; I was always well-fed, but had hardly any clothes, one pair of shoes (plimsolls), no toys, no books, etc, etc. I could go on and on about how deprived my childhood (and early marriage) days were. Luckily, over the years our lives improved and for many years now we have a very comfortable life with savings and no money worries. However, despite all that, I too was surprised that lots of hard-working people, in this day and age, have regular days when they don't have a penny to call their own. It's the Government people should be angry with and I hope people bear this in mind on polling day!

Unfortunately I have been in this position more often than not, as a parent. Have become a total pro at counting every penny & making it work at least twice. I know all the tricks from buying 80% of my food on yellow labels, to changing baby's nappy in the Tesco changing room as you got free nappies, to selling things & doing surveys for pennies & so much more. Every time we think we are going to get out of it, something comes along to push us back down. And the older the DC get, the harder it is - DS1 is now 12 & adult sized, at senior school, so his food/clothes/trips so much more expensive than for babies

This is normal for us for the week leading up to payday. But we have no debt, the bills are paid, and there is food.

It's what happens when you pay an extortionate amount of rent each month and why it's never been possible for us to save for a mortgage.

People don't generally discuss their personal finances out of personal pride and also it seems to be a bit of a British thing it's considered rude.

Just another rule weve been conditioned to put on ourselves that benefits no one but the employers and the aristocratic rich

@Blueskyemily

Some of the posts on this thread are like the mumsnet equivalent of the four yorkshiremen.

😂 😂😂

I also, like others, feel some of the critical comments are unfair to the OP. How do we define what 'common' is? This thread has opened my eyes to the problems people face. But are some (not all obviously as anyone could find themselves suddenly jobless etc etc and facing same problems) brought on by people's desire to live a lifestyle they can't afford? All we have to do is look around at the expensive cars on the roads, people with expensive phone contracts and people on luxury holidays. These are very common too. It seems we now live in a culture where it's common to be in debt which is then bound to have repercussions when the emergency arises and we have no backup.

My parents, despite having not that much money as we grew up, never would've bought beyond their means and I have carried on the same principles, despite being a lot better off than they were.

I lived like this for years. No money in my purse and less than a pound in the bank.
It was mostly due to having to give up work when I had my kids and then relying on a man who put drink and gambling before his family.

If we went to the park and I was thirsty I couldn't even go in a shop and buy myself a bottle of water.
I used to be so worried about needing calpol or something and not even having a couple of quid to go buy some.

I remember once sitting on a park bench in the freezing cold crying because I had been on my way home and seen the window cleaner and didn't have £6 to give him so turned aroundand just walked about in the rain.
I could have just told him I didn't have any cash and he would have been fine about it but I think it was the last straw and I just couldn't face it. I felt so humiliated.

I finally got rid of the man and am now a single parent on UC and working part time but I am so much better off. It took me so long to get rid of the fear in my stomach everytime I used my bank card and had to check my bank balance obsessively to reassure myself there was money in there.
I didn't even know I was being financially abused and controlled until a CA advisor gave me a card for a domestic abuse helpline, I thought it was crazy.
I'm just sad I put myself through it for so long but felt so trapped and weighed down by it all I couldn't see a way out.

I don't think you are being offensive or goady OP. I wouldn't have talked to anybody about it. I'm sure no one knew how bad it was for me. I always made sure the kids had food and were well dressed, there was just nothing left over.
There are many different reasons why people end up in that situation.

Sorry I’m just catching up with the replies now I’m realised it’s not uncommon at all for people to have to live like this.
I honestly didn’t mean to come across negatively and yes I can see how I may appear ignorant but I’m not although I would say I do live in a bit of a bubble (rl hasn’t served me well so at a point I withdrew a lot and this is probably a contributing factor to not being up to date with many things, plus I don’t talk to people that much and certainly not about issues like this it’s usually the weather/the children/school etc )

Anyway, I do appreciate all these responses it’s helpful, it’s hard to think so many people struggle I had no idea it was such an issue. Again, probably too wrapped up in my own day to day things

I have been looking at local food banks. They do seem very active which I hadn’t realised plus there are a few ones run bu different places showing there’s locally a high need

If you want to help a hood starting place is donating to or volunteering at a good bank. That might be better than offering to pick bits up for your friend if she's embarrassed to accept

OP thank you for this thread. It opened my eyes. I will be donating to the food bank thanks to your thread, so thank you very much.

I didn’t know either and that’s because people don’t tell you their private finances. How would we know?

'I think this says a lot about modern day “poverty”.
A window cleaner - hardly a necessity.'

That's what you took from her story? Really? The woman didn't have SIX QUID to spare and you're moaning that she was spending on the wrong things. So heartless