Miss Mrs Ms

[DinosaurDiana]

I know we’ve had this discussion before, and I said that I wish we had one title for women like men. I was told we do - Ms, but I’m not that fond of it. To me it says left on the shelf female, but I’ll no doubt be told that that is my own prejudice !! It’s actually from having older, unmarried teachers at school.
However, I am going to use it on unofficial things like my Tesco and Next account to change my own attitude.

🤷‍♀️

@Katefoster

I love being a Mrs, I always correct people when they call me Miss. I do think it's weird that men don't have that problem tho

“Weird” is an odd word to use. Men don’t have this problem because the history of this “tradition” is that women were not beings in their own right. They were literally belongings, owned first by their fathers and then their husbands. Whether a woman was owned by a husband was important, hence the change in title. As men were the only ones with any standing, it made no difference whether they were married or not, hence no change in title. Nothing has changed for men despite all the hard work undertaken by women to be seen as valid humans. Marital rape was legal in the U.K. until 2003. Shocking.

That in 2021 women are “proud to be a Mrs” or take their husband’s name with zero thought at all is quite telling as to the societal expectations handed down from all that time ago, and how hard it is to shake them off.

That in 2021 women are “proud to be a Mrs” or take their husband’s name with zero thought at all is quite telling as to the societal expectations handed down from all that time ago, and how hard it is to shake them off.

Amen!

Sometimes I wonder about the use of “proud”. I personally am pleased to be married to my husband and I’m certainly not ashamed. But am I proud to signal to people I’m married? No, because it’s entirely commonplace and very little reflection on my personal attributes and absolutely none on my achievements in life.

And if it is something to be proud of why isn’t there an option for men to wear it as a label?

@NavigatingAdolescence

And if it is something to be proud of why isn’t there an option for men to wear it as a label?

I don’t really care quite frankly. I’m a Mrs and I took my dh’s surname.

What others do isn’t my concern. But I would want the option of Mrs, any other title isn’t really me.

Why don’t people complain about the inequality of women getting an engagement ring but not men?

Why don’t people complain about the inequality of women getting an engagement ring but not men?

Lots of people do. And it’s not uncommon now for men to get an engagement gift. I bought my DH a watch when we decided to get married and I got earrings instead of a ring.

@Hopdathelf for you maybe. But for me, having a 23 year long happy marriage IS something I’m proud of.

Who the hell has the right to say what others should and shouldn’t be proud of?

@Hopdathelf

Why don’t people complain about the inequality of women getting an engagement ring but not men?

Lots of people do. And it’s not uncommon now for men to get an engagement gift. I bought my DH a watch when we decided to get married and I got earrings instead of a ring.

My husband didn't get an engagement ring but my god he chose a blingy wedding ring

He's not normally one for ostentatious jewellery either!

It’s definitely not an achievement just to have got married though. Virtually anyone could do that, as evidenced by the number of shitty spouses moaned about on MN every day of the week.

@Hopdathelf that’s not for to judge though. Being proud of something is a personal thing. Live and let live.

No, I absolutely can judge. It would be wrong of me to express my judgement to people in real life or to treat people differently but I absolutely am entitled to have an opinion on what others do and say.

I usually use Miss, I've been married so technically not a Miss but I hate titles, I don't understand why when you get asked about sex assigned at birth or identifying what way, the title part still exists, feels very regressive and anti - woman

@Wriggleon

I usually use Miss, I've been married so technically not a Miss but I hate titles, I don't understand why when you get asked about sex assigned at birth or identifying what way, the title part still exists, feels very regressive and anti - woman

There is no “technically”. I’ve been married nearly 20 years and I use Miss every time Ms is not an option. Sky hasn’t fallen in yet.

Navigating, I've been using Miss despite having being married for 15 years, I am not worried

Marital rape was legal in the U.K. until 2003. Shocking.
1992. The 2003 Sexual Offences Act updated previous laws. (For England & Wales, at least, less sure of NI and Scotland.)

Why don’t people complain about the inequality of women getting an engagement ring but not men?

I always saw this as inequality to women, why do they need a visual display to the outside world that they are now taken, but the man does not. Just as she later needs to announce it in her title before her own name, but the man does not.

Not to mention all of the other issues like gender pay gap, how most caring roles fall to women and women’s careers are typically the ones effected by maternity leave and later child care and not to mention all of the unpaid domestic work most women do, above and beyond their partner
So even without the cost of an engagement ring shes dramatically worse off financially from their relationship.

Obviously that’s not the case in all relationships, but statistically it is in many(most) - particularly those that are more traditional. Which incidentally are the ones more likely to place value on the woman getting an engagement ring. So I always saw it as quite fair that he showed some sacrifice / promise on his part too.

I'm a proud Ms and an unmarried teacher (Divorced actually) was taken off the shelf, but put myself back up on it as I'm much happier here. I didn't change my name when I got married so have always been a Ms as soon as I realised Mrs means "belongs to" Mr.

To just say I don’t have traditional gender roles in my relationship
And I didn’t get an engagement ring

I’m just saying I can see why other people do and I wouldnt describe it as inequality that he has to pay for it

@EBearhug

Marital rape was legal in the U.K. until 2003. Shocking. 1992. The 2003 Sexual Offences Act updated previous laws. (For England & Wales, at least, less sure of NI and Scotland.)

2003 is the first time it was clearly outlawed in legislation. Judges between 1992 and 2003 could consider it a crime but equally they didn’t have to.

I'm married and use Miss as I don't see why I have to change my title when my husband.

However before I was married I went by Ms as I didn't see why anyone should know my marital status. So I did change it but in my own contrary way.

There are lots of online forms (e.g. DBS) which demand a previous surname from you and won't let you move on if you use Ms as a title. They are obviously assuming divorcee with 'Ms'.

@CircleofWillis - with those silly on line forms just type in “Not-Applicable”.

I use a mixture of titles but mainly use Ms. I haven’t changed my name, don’t always wear my wedding ring etc. I just think that for most purposes my marital status is irrelevant. I don’t have a single official document with my married name on it after 21 years of marriage.

Not all online forms allow N/A. I tried to send some John Lewis flowers last week and a title was required. Considering they were to cheer up a friend who had just finalised her divorce and was in a quandary about name/title change I had to go elsewhere rather than rub salt in the wound.

Such a hilair Fred.

Left on the shelf.

Out and proud Mrs.

Words spoken by actual women. (One assumes).

I'm a Mrs but look young so get miss /ms a lot.