Miss Mrs Ms

[DinosaurDiana]

I know we’ve had this discussion before, and I said that I wish we had one title for women like men. I was told we do - Ms, but I’m not that fond of it. To me it says left on the shelf female, but I’ll no doubt be told that that is my own prejudice !! It’s actually from having older, unmarried teachers at school.
However, I am going to use it on unofficial things like my Tesco and Next account to change my own attitude.

Married and a Mrs. It's just who I am I guess - no big deal. Completely understand if people want their marital status anonymised, why not?

DD goes by 'Mx'. We have had post delivered to them as the Right Reverend, Lord, Brigadier, etc.

I use Mrs. But it really only comes up on forms and letters from the bank so it isn't a huge deal to me.

Honestly, I think Ms would be more appealing if it was easier to pronounce. It's too similar to Miss, and doesn't sound as nice to the ear.

I really don’t get why firms and stuff need this info. If it’s not mandatory I don’t complete it. If they have Mx, I pick that. Otherwise I pick randomly. It’s disgusting the way women are categorised by marital status and men are not.

I'd rather titles weren't a thing everyone was pushed to use anymore. My name is good enough, thanks. It's didn't used to be a thing for everyone until the Victorians decided it was polite to put them on everyone.

And, if it has to be required, I'd rather English titles for women was a full word. Mr. is said as Mister or very rarely Master, but we've 3 abbreviations for Mistress, but no one ever actually says it.

I was Ms before I got married -- at 18. Neither me then nor my two secondary age DDs now who use it when they have to have a title are 'left on a shelf', which is a pretty weird way to categorize women anyway.

Yes I made myself use Ms too and then it became quite normal.

I thought it was important to use it widely before I was married (didn’t change my name) otherwise if I became Ms Myname from Miss Myname on marriage it still signified something… which is not the point. So for a while I tried to make sure I always used it until it became my normal / default.

@Hadenoughofthisbullshit

I’m Ms but very often find it changed to Miss on documents and official things, I always register as Ms. It happens so often that it can’t be a coincidence. I’m starting to wonder why I bother.

Yes, I noticed TSB keeps doing this with our mortgage papers. My husband told our initial consultant it was Ms. We then receive emails from him with Miss. He corrects it then I receive mailed documents with Miss from other people. It’s frustrating and I keep wondering about the accuracy of the documents. I never changed my name when we married BTW, and I’ve used Ms. since I was 19 years old.

This never happened to me in the US. Or any of the other countries I’ve lived. I’ve only experienced this in the UK. Why are people making so many assumptions here? Or feel they have the right to change your name/status for you?

@Prokupatuscrakedatus

German usage: Even in my youth (last century) Fräulein was only used if the woman in question insisted and is no longer a part of any drop down menu. Herr / Frau stopped being linked to marital status some time in the 1980ties, when I became an adult.

The West German interior ministry banned the use of Fräulein by federal government authorities in 1972. In East Germany Frau was explicitly permitted for all adult women in the 1950s. Obviously it took a bit longer for usage to catch up.

I have always been happy using Mrs and adopted my DH's last name but it was made easier because I started a new job 30 years ago. I probably wouldn't have changed my name professionally if I hadn't.

I even use Mrs His Name domestically but and it has never bothered me but I am sure if I were 30 and not 60 it would. My dd certainly wouldn't and is very firmly a Ms.

Divorced lesbian here. The assumptions made in this thread are rather hilarious.

Once upon a time I was married to a man, and changed my title and surname. Wouldn't do any of those things again.

Not bitter or angry at all, I'm actually quite pleased to be divorced. I haven't gotten round to officially changing my name at the bank but use Ms now, in general. I'd rather do away with the title entirely, it is rather pointless.

I’m not allowed to the idea behind Ms, but I hate the sound, we’re not bees! I think we should do away with titles all together and think it’s very disrespectful to use a military title when you’ve never served in the military, even if it is just a joke.

Used Ms from 17 to 45, and now I use Dr. It's an absolute joy.

I have made bookings for Dr George and Mr MyPartner and people are expecting 2 men though. Because only men are doctors 🙄

Also a Ms... what the heck is "on the shelf"?? Really?

Fwiw - am married, was a Mrs but reclaimed my birthname when I realised I loved it far more than any other name & regretted getting sucked into a tradition of assuming a man's name just because we got married. He even laughed at the concept of taking MY name - so why has it been normalised the other way round? Maybe it served a purpose for 'protection'/patriarchal 'ownership' many moons ago... but now? Unless it's someone's choice of course - each to their own

Do a phd and then you can choose dr

I think it is your own prejudice that youre projecting, although its not uncommon tbh. I temped in the prison service and colleagues kept saying youre a bit young arent you? I had to explain that Ms wasnt a term for someone who is divorced. This information blew their minds.

@DontDoThatGeorge that must be infuriating.

I think the French have the best answer.

I use Ms, I have a long term partner but we aren’t married. When we marry I will switch to Mrs. I don’t like Miss because it sounds too young.

I started using Ms when I reverted to my maiden name as well I wasn't Mrs Oldraver, that was my Mum. Plus I didn't think it's anyone's business what my title denotes

I do hope you like whoever picks you up off the shelf OP, that would be much better than staying on the shelf waiting. If only you had a choice in the matter!

In my country we don't bother with this. It's either lady or sir (senhora/senhor), no married/unmarried weirdness

Madam?

I think the Quakers have it. No titles just John Smith or Jane Smith.

"Left on the shelf" - thats so insulting and outdated! My unmarried aunt, when she heard this phrase used jokingly about her snapped "Lots of men have tried to take me off of the shelf; none of them were good enough for me!"

It used to be the case that all women became Mrs after a certain age, even if not married; remember the older servants, like Mrs Patmore, in Downton Abbey? You just got there more quickly if you married. Like in France with Madame. No idea how "Miss" started to linger for older, single women, but it's high time it went the way of "fraulein".

There should be one title for all women, and one for all men. Alternatively, no titles at all.

My feminist awakening came long after marriage so I was already Mrs, and I took on his name, mainly because I wanted us and any children we had to all have the same name (and his name is easier than my maiden name). I don't feel any great need to switch to Ms now, but if I was making those decisions now I think I would feel differently.

@TheFeistyFeminist

My feminist awakening came long after marriage so I was already Mrs, and I took on his name, mainly because I wanted us and any children we had to all have the same name (and his name is easier than my maiden name). I don't feel any great need to switch to Ms now, but if I was making those decisions now I think I would feel differently.

Same here. I'm Mrs Hisname, but I do remember some friends saying they were surprised at the time that I didn't keep my name as I seemed like the sort that wouldn't! (married in 1995) I have 4 daughters. I expect them to keep their own names if they ever get married, and would be surprised (and maybe a little disappointed) if they didn't.

Married and Mrs. Before that I was a Miss.

Ms has never appealed and I don’t have any hang ups about people knowing whether or not I am married.