What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

Because for a lot of people it is clear that they really care about animals and it's part of their IDENTITY but they wouldn't contribute to a fundraiser for women's aid. I'm talking about what I've observed. Not talking about what I suspect. They show that animals come first.
It's their prerogative to care more about animals than they do about people of course.

Good thread!
My sister. She is very selfish, controlling, dominating and as tight as a duck's arse! Think the most stand out for me was when she was quite happy for her student son to sleep in his car rather than pay for student accommodation. They had come into a big inheritance too, so no money worries.

@PearlNextDoor I actually do a lot of voluntary work with a women's charity (DV) but I don't post anything about it on my social media because 1) I respect the confidentiality and security of the women I help 2) I'm not a gossip and 3) I don't want to be a target for some of the men, they can be damn nasty.

But I will share a photo of a lost local dog from time to time.

So you sitting in judgement of social media may know nothing what they are doing behind the scenes and support they may be giving without feeling the need to shout about it on sodding FB.

Agree also with PP that it's not one or the other, people can support and care for more than one cause you know?

Can I add my sister in law to this?

She moved to another county before DH and I married. All fine. Over the years contact was sporadic, she visited parents but had little interest in her nephews. DH tried to facilitate a relationship.

MIL died not long after she retired. At this point things were pretty shit for us. DH had been made redundant and had found another job but it was a two hour commute daily. Our DS has endless health issues etc. We decided to move closer to DHs work.

What followed was a ranting phone call from SIL telling DH we couldn’t move because if we did who would look after FIL (who needed no looking after anyway I add) and that she wouldn’t be coming back as it was such a lovely village she lived in.
I think that was the lightbulb for DH.

Final straw was when SIL insisted FIL remain at home on Christmas Day rather than come to us (he was in our bubble) as she wanted to visit at some point over the holiday and didn’t want to risk catching Covid from him if he’d been here. None of us had Covid. SIL is young, healthy and has no children. FIL remained on his own all Christmas at her behest and she finally graced him with her presence the day before New Year’s Eve, stayed overnight and buggered off again.

Pure selfishness. Christmas was a lightbulb
Moment for many of our family after that one.

One of the school mums who raided the school toy giveaway during Covid like a locust despite admitting she doesn't need the financial help like other parents might do - similarly she accepted food parcels then made fun of people who got there after they'd all been given out. Never spoken to her since and i made my own food parcel for two of the parents she laughed at and dropped them on their doorstep anonymously purely because I felt bad about not calling her out on it at the time.

I realised at that point that my 30 year relationship with him was just a facade to placate my lovely Aunt.

Sorry for this and the upset it caused, especially your children.

I was shocked when my aunt kicked off when her surviving parent died. She got really nasty. It didn't matter to her that one of my parents (her sibling) had a life limiting disease. Oh no. Let's bitch about money and possessions and how much she's owed and from when. Because that's what you need for months on end when you've got an end stage diagnosis.

In the past, her surviving parent, and sometimes my parents would run round after her and her endless cycles of pretty much self inflicted problems over the years.

That's as well as both my parents holding down jobs to pay for their own house and help surviving parent pay for theirs and raise their own kids, deal with their own problems etc etc etc. Just to hear, 'very nice too' in retrospect from aunt.

How long was she sitting on all that resentment ? A lifetime ?

So it was all a big put on until her surviving parent died.

She then decided to move away and leave no forwarding address. Yep, I got the unspoken, 'up yours' as well.

@Batsy but how would you be a Godmother if you're Pagan?

@PearlNextDoor

Because for a lot of people it is clear that they really care about animals and it's part of their IDENTITY but they wouldn't contribute to a fundraiser for women's aid. I'm talking about what I've observed. Not talking about what I suspect. They show that animals come first. It's their prerogative to care more about animals than they do about people of course.

I've spent a lot, a lot, of years, working with animal rights activists and having animal rights activists friends and without failure, every single one of them was employed in an area that helped humans or did voluntary work/ fundraising/ campaigning of some sort that helped humans. I believe this is because people who are into animal rights don't make the distinction between animals and humans that other people do. That is why they are concerned about animal suffering as well as human suffering and injustice. Given the decades I have spent in this area in three of the different countries of the UK I confident that my experiences are typical and yours atypical.

I'm atheist. Godmother to two catholic children. I promised to help in their philosophical upbringing, not to indoctrinate them ;) Their mother knows who I am/we are, and is happy with that, so that's all that matters

With all respect, that's not all that matters to people who are sincere in their faith and see a Godmother as fulfilling a religious function.
I get that a lot of people have watered down baptism to ' I'll just get someone I think is quite a nice person to be a godparent' but that isn't what a godparent actually is. To use modern lingo, that is essentially culturally appropriating another culture's practices for your own purposes.
No-one should be offended with if a religious person wants to maintain the integrity of a religious ceremony (rather than watering it down to meaningless pomp and platitudes) by reserving the roles being committed to within that ceremony to adherents of the religion.

I'm neither Catholic or CofE, so it doesn't matter to me, but I do think it's quite insensitive of people (and it's been happening for quite some time now, with some members of the clergy also apparently brushing it away - presumably to avoid offending irregular churchgoers when they do want to attend) to take a very specific role, with a lot of importance to certain faith groups, and then re-assign it beyond recognition - even taking offence when people question this.

It would be like me calling myself a Muezzin - even though I'm not a Muslim and have never been to a mosque myself, let alone taking on the responsibility of calling others to pray there - on the basis that I'm community-minded and like to acknowledge and encourage diversity.

Husband and I visited friends that had moved to another country. They spoke down to the locals and treated the waiters in the restaurant with such rudeness. We were embarrassed to be with them and have since distanced ourselves from them.

When my mum told me (in vino veritas) that after her abusive childhood she doesn't believe she's capable of loving anyone.

It explained my childhood. Utter rejection the second we showed an independent personality - the risk of us rejecting her made her reject us first.

It was a genuine relief. I mean, that means it definitely wasn't anything I did, as the eldest. I see her very differently now. I can pity her instead of feeling the anger/guilt/effort. I see myself differently now too. If it wasn't my fault then maybe I am actually loveable.

[quote Batsy]@ohfuckitall

Actually.. yes i can/could. My being Pagan is entirely my choice, but i was raised in the Christian Church, have read the bible, attended church for most of my life pre late teens when i converted. I know more about the Christian Faith than most 'special occasion' attendees.

The fact was, she KNEW i was Pagan when she asked me, i asked her several times if she was ok, we talked in depth about it. Then the week before i got a phonecall telling me i was no longer welcome because her in-laws would object to my private faith... i wasn't even invited to it at all.. i was told categorically, i wasn't welcome full stop.

But sure, its fine to treat someone like that.[/quote]
Were you expecting her to make an insult of a religious ceremony that had real meaning to her baby's actual relatives to save your feelings? She misjudged her in-laws feelings, once she realised she prioritised them, as the baby's relatives at a religious ceremony of a faith they hold dear. How could you have expected her to do anything else? What she supposed to start a family rift at the start of her child's life to spare you?

Normally I would have said, she could have still invited you to the ceremony, but given what your reaction reveals, I suspect she made the right call.

Years ago my cousin left some bags of ladies clothing at my mums house for storage as he said he had bought them to sell on his market stall and didnt have enough room to store them.

It wasnt until he was arrested for breaking into a warehouse that my mum realised that he had been storing his stolen property in her house in case his flat was raided.

My last lover. I learned how badly he had treated another woman in terms of playing her. She told me she was on antidepressants. Since then he's done disrespectful things to me and others. I used to think he was my soulmate. He seemed so wonderful. But when I saw him refuse to accept his behaviour I just couldn't stand him. I feel protective over the other woman now and I am more angry at the way he treated her than me.

I loose respect for liars very quickly.

@PearlNextDoor ridiculous

You can care about more than one thing at a time 🙄

That said I will always prioritize animals over people 😂

There you go. You admit it. So im hardly ridiculous to observe what you happily admit. Some people care abouut animals very publicly on fb but literally do not care about women's charities at all. Their prerogative.

@5zeds

I'm atheist. Godmother to two catholic children. I promised to help in their philosophical upbringing, not to indoctrinate them ;) Their mother knows who I am/we are, and is happy with that, so that's all that matters.

@Doodlebug71 I’m sure you are, but regardless you must presumably understand that religions have rules that must be adhered to I order for you to practice them. You can’t just be a good/nice/loved person to perform the role of a godparent. How would you “renounce the devil” etc if you didn’t believe??? A priest could not knowingly accept you and play acting for the day is awful.

Irish here. Very few people are actual practicing Catholic's but plenty are godparents. Unless you're a fundamentalist the original meaning behind the ceremony is long gone, it's just tradition now.

@PearlNextDoor

There you go. You admit it. So im hardly ridiculous to observe what you happily admit. Some people care abouut animals very publicly on fb but literally do not care about women's charities at all. Their prerogative.

What do you mean they wouldn't contribute to a fundraiser for a woman's aid? Are you saying they did this on principle or just that they didn't give to a fundraiser you or someone else did?

Because I like everyone else, have a lot of calls on my money. The fact I give to one cause doesn't really reflect which I think is most important. I just can't give to them all. I can't even give to each appeal from the charities/ causes I do support most.

If someone gave to a sightsaver appeal but not leprosy appeal would you conclude they only care about blind people but not people with leprosy?

Mine, or anybody else's. I knew these women quite well at one point. Observations werent made overnight but over a few years.

Their choice who to care about, but yes I judge rich safe women who do not seem to give a rat's ass about women in danger who have nowhere to go and no money when they get there. But who publicise how much they care about puppies....

Right, each to their own. They are who they want to be Im sure.

I suspect you just don't give a shit about animals. My observation is that people who don't give a shit about animals get very angry about people who do. And they normally trump it up in the moral superiority you are.

I've never really heard anyone express this anger and judgement at someone for giving to one cause for humans but not another. Its only people who give to animals that this approbrium is aimed at.

BTW, the phrase 'each to their own' is normally used when you genuinely accept difference. Not when you judge people for their difference.

@ohfuckitall

I'm atheist. Godmother to two catholic children. I promised to help in their philosophical upbringing, not to indoctrinate them ;) Their mother knows who I am/we are, and is happy with that, so that's all that matters

With all respect, that's not all that matters to people who are sincere in their faith and see a Godmother as fulfilling a religious function.
I get that a lot of people have watered down baptism to ' I'll just get someone I think is quite a nice person to be a godparent' but that isn't what a godparent actually is. To use modern lingo, that is essentially culturally appropriating another culture's practices for your own purposes.
No-one should be offended with if a religious person wants to maintain the integrity of a religious ceremony (rather than watering it down to meaningless pomp and platitudes) by reserving the roles being committed to within that ceremony to adherents of the religion.

I absolutely agree ohfuckitall I've been to religious ceremonies as a guest of friends whose faith I don't share, but I wouldn't take on an "official" role. There's a big difference, in my opinion, between going to something that is important to someone you care about to offer your personal support to them as individuals and taking on an active role in something you don't believe. I couldn't help parents in bringing up their child in a faith I don't share and wouldn't stand up in public and make a promise that I had no intention of keeping. Aside from it reflecting badly on my own integrity I think it is very disrespectful to people who genuinely follow that faith. I don't really understand why people who aren't religious want a Christening and godparents to be honest. Have a naming ceremony, choose some non religious supporters or name some guardians etc, but if you're not religious,why not leave religion out of it? I'd probably be a bit hurt if I didn't get invited to an important life event of friends because I'm the "wrong" religion, but I certainly wouldn't expect a leading role in someone else's religious ceremony.

When I started work at my current job in a primary school one of the TA's were slagging off a boy.who she did one to one with.She said some awful things and I've never spoken to her since then (2.5 yrs ago) Kids can be annoying at times and I know that but she was so cold about it i was disgusted.

my dad. unhappily married to his 3rd wife, cant stand her kids (adults) who are all ages & levels of f'ed up
I did everything for him, had him stay for weeks on end, supported him thru thick and thin
And then one of the step fuck ups became woke. He was chosen to suddenly think they are the new messiah and thinks covid is all a big scam to get paedophiles out of the swamp and something about Trump saving the world with a dash of being a fucking leader of the secret government of the world

Alrighty then

Wow, yes, it's a huge moral failing that I care more about vulnerable people than I care about animals.