What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

My ex became a conspiracy theorist. It first started with Brexit when he became alarmingly right wing and it got progressively worse. Apparently the Earth is flat, vaccines don’t work, climate change isn’t real, man never went to the moon. He’s even got a Qanon tattoo now

I swear he seemed perfectly normal when I met him

I'm atheist. Godmother to two catholic children. I promised to help in their philosophical upbringing, not to indoctrinate them ;) Their mother knows who I am/we are, and is happy with that, so that's all that matters.

@Doodlebug71 I’m sure you are, but regardless you must presumably understand that religions have rules that must be adhered to I order for you to practice them. You can’t just be a good/nice/loved person to perform the role of a godparent. How would you “renounce the devil” etc if you didn’t believe??? A priest could not knowingly accept you and play acting for the day is awful.

A friend recently got a new boyfriend and in general conversation spoke about this guy. By the third sentenced she was telling me how well off this guys parents were, that they'd bought him a house and the words "and I need somewhere to stay"..
I always say "nobody falls in love quick than someone who needs somewhere to live".. she hasn't worked for best part of 8 years - saying that she actually hasn't had a proper job since leaving uni and we are mid 30's. She did once tell me though she had managed to save £7,000 in benefits.
What an achievement!! Not.

@Arsebucket

People judge me for being so cold and uncaring towards my father, but they have no idea of the so called life I’ve had with him.

No judgement here xxx

Just to add I'm not judging anyone on Benefits, I just mean in my opinion, she didn't necessarily need as much as she was getting if she was managing to save most of it. She was living at home with her mum, rent free, paid towards no bills, no food, depended on everyone else for lifts etc.
Even on nights out she'd snog some random get them to buy a drink and literally laugh at them as she walked away. I thought maybe she'd grown up since then but the comment about the new boyfriend just did it for me.

My MIL was terminally ill with bone and lung cancer and we (her son and I) lived o/s.

MIL sent a letter (we used to write a newsy letter to each other each week) saying what an awful person I was for sending SIL a rude and unpleasant email, how could I do that to her daughter, how she was disappointed in me, how I had upset SIL so much etc.

I immediately called MIL and asked what email and had she read it for herself as I hadn't emailed SIL since the previous March (this was in October) and I would like a copy of it to read and establish how this could have looked like it came from me.

Apparently it was so awful that SIL deleted it without showing MIL, rushed over crying to MIL's and MIL took her word that it was true.

''why would she lie about that''? I was told.

I ended up in tears on the phone as there was nothing I could say that could convince MIL that I hadn't emailed SIL in the months leading up to that day. Eventually, I hung up and showed DH the letter when he got home.

From memory he flew in to see her, MIL had moved into SIL's home as her health deteriorated further and at no time was he left alone with his Mum to discuss what had happened. She was absolutely convinced that I had sent that email and nothing could convince her otherwise.

Over the coming months, when DH had returned home, the telephone line to the house was continued engaged so he couldn't speak to his mum and she died early the following year. She remained very coherent up until the final days.

SIL helped herself to her bank account (I have mentioned this in another thread) for a month after MIL died and now cousins and a remaining Aunty have all been told similar stories about me.

For the life of me I have never understood the desperation of my SIL to do something like that, so close to MIL's life ending. What did she benefit from that? DH always told me to be careful of her, but I took her as I found her. I doubt I will get understanding or closure on that period of time and goings on and apart from one or two members of DH's family, we have nothing to do with any of them now.

My brother. Once visited me and we were walking through my local park. He suddenly bent down and picked something up. We were behind two young girls about 15 or16 tops and my dbro was acting quite weird to say the least, seemed be very honed into their conversation. Later transpires that one of them had dropped their mobile and thats what he'd picked up. I was gobsmacked he could be so rotten, especially a young person's phone which is often the be all and end all to them. He said when l voiced my condemnation that straight away he'd regretted it but it had 'gone too far' by then. Never saw him in same light again, DH said he didn't want him in house again as he was a thief. He handed it in a few days later, but damage was done lm afraid

I came on to say the people who I was friendly with but not close to, but who when I had my breakdown came and sat with me, took me grocery shopping, helping me use an atm! (I'd literally forgotten how), who listened when I was having panic attacks. Forever grateful to them

A relative who I'd not been especially close to previously was the only person home when my marriage hit explosion point. She not only calmed me, she gave me excellent advice that not only helped me handle the situation emotionally, but also meant I didn't get quite as screwed financially as I could have been. We grew very close after that.

The boss I was warned and warned about, was called "dragon lady" by other colleagues. When I collapsed at work twice, first time ectopic pregnancy/mc and then an ovarian torsion which I feared was another ectopic. Always treated me fairly and with great kindness, even saying to me not to return to work yet if I wasn't emotionally ready even though dr had signed me off - I wasn't even through probationary period and I'd been off sick for weeks (had to have 2 surgeries at that point). Then I made a huge cock up one day - think hitting the wrong key and losing all client account records! But I went straight to her, told her what I'd done and she wasn't happy, but she didn't tear into me either. Worked for her for 2 years and learned that she wasn't a dragon lady actually, she just hated when people lied or covered up when they cocked up.

On the more negative side...

My ex - well obvious really! Except not. He cheated, but he really didn't seem the type it was like seeing him change into a completely different person and it wasn't just me felt that way. His own family thought he was having a breakdown his actions (not just the cheating) were so out of character. His friends he'd had since childhood he's also now fallen out with, his own parents barely speak to him and one sibling has cut him off.

An old school friend during the Brexit run up started posting horrifically racist crap on fb! What was really weird about this was included in our wee group at school was another friend who is mixed race. Her best friend since nursery (but who went to a different high school) was Indian. Yet she was spouting all this racist and xenophobic shite! Cut her right off!

People can surprise you - good and bad

Nrtft but will come back and read tomorrow

@NeedyNora

I am talking about £4 too that her DD wanted. Not an expensive dress to wear on one occasion. Surely £4 isn't a waste to see your DD happy even if it does only last 6 months.

I quite agree with you

@Roxy69

2 people I worked with took £200 from a cash machine outside a post office after someone walked away having forgotten it. Could have been her whole life savings - despicable. How much easier to take it into the post office or a police station who would have given it back to her. I wish they had never told me and I never went near them afterwards if possible. I also told people what they had done. It still makes me fume.

How would they have got the money back to the original person (if they’d already left)?. I’m not condoning it but I don’t know how they could have done it.

The UK government especially all the ministers and the prime one. Gaslighting, incompetent and corrupt. Oh they took the credit for the scientists work on vaccines and treatments but not their otherwise collective health and safe advice. Probably will claim the England Euro 2020 football success is due to vaccination too. They did get Brexit done - what ever that means apart from devalued Sterling, increased costs of living and a possible future divided UK. Will they continue to enjoy your electoral support when furlough runs out?

My lovely brother. Would do anything and everything for me in a heart beat and we have always been very close.
I found out he and his current partner had a long term affair and spent months planning their life together behind his partner and her husbands back. Current partner seems nice enough but I can't look at my brother the same

What did you expect her to do giftedfish, give some back to the government? In any case, it sounds like your friend behaved consistently. Not in a way you approved of but what did she do that changed your view of her?

Maybe the thread should be ‘let me be horrible about someone I pretend to be friends with.’

Some of these are pretty unpleasant. That post about the child who was ‘given back’ is awful. As is the person who followed it with ‘what a cunt.’

Adoption breakdowns are not uncommon, unfortunately.

ExMIL. She's a bit rough round the edges and I'd always been a bit scared of her. When I had DS, he and I were both poorly. She moved in for two weeks and syringe/bottle fed him through the night so I could sleep after expressing, then went off to work. We became a lot closer after that and I got to see what a kind-hearted, funny, strong person she is.

How would they have got the money back to the original person (if they’d already left)?. I’m not condoning it but I don’t know how they could have done it.

The person whose money or was could have gone back to the Post Office to see if someone had done the decent thing and handed it in.

After I was raped and some friends totally dropped me. These were women who posted all over social media about charity events for women's aid and rape crisis. I was in a bad way and really needed support.

Witnessing a colleague mistreating their child completely changed my view of them.

When one friend told another (single) friend that they should have a one night stand with a stranger just to get pregnant. I couldn't see how a 30s married mother of 2 could think such a plan was acceptable for either the proposed child or father.

My childminder and their friend sat and gossiped about a much younger local mum and her child throughout an entire coffee date. I didn't see that side of the CM until I saw them with their other friend, to make things worse they both worked with children but were making fun of a child and struggling parent.

Best friends cut me off completely when I had my DS. He's 9 now and I'm still heartbroken.

Woman I spoke to every morning, outside school seemed really nice. One conversation ended abruptly when she said she wouldnt feel comfortable sitting in a room with a black person. All I could say was wow!

@TheMirrorofHerDreams That is absolutely awful and so, so hurtful. Although it must have really hurt you at the time at least you found out what a despicable man he was and were able to walk away instead of spending the next few years helping that waste of space.

Taking money from cash machine, all she had to do was give her telephone number to shop, person will comeback. Probably have receipt or proof from bank. Their is always a way. Hole in the wall have cameras too

Cash machines suck the money back in so person cant have gone far

A work former colleague who I really admired, she is a feminist and fights for the inclusion of our most vulnerable members of society (refugees, people in poverty and those with learning difficulties etc) Our manager returned from mat leave after a year off and came straight back to work four days a week, after a couple of weeks said colleague started complaining about our manger “not being as productive as she was before having her baby” I pointed out that it had only been a couple of weeks, she’s just getting into to swing of things and she should cut her some slack (plus what she was complaining about were minor and didn’t impact work productivity) The colleague wasn’t having any of it, said it didn’t matter, the manager needs to quit if she can’t can’t handle work and baby. I argued that wasn’t very feminist of the colleague but she didn’t change her mind and even took it a Senior Manager?! I was so shocked this out spoken feminist was so sexist and so quick to throw our Manager under the bus. I distanced myself very quickly.

Fast forward three years later, former colleague (I have left) now has a 5 month old daughter and is constantly posting on IG about the inequalities women face returning to work, the price of childcare costs, pregnant and screwed etc. And I just think you absolute hypocrite!! You were part of the problem! My blood boils so I have muted her page.

@GhostsInSnow

My 'uncle'. I use the term loosely.

My paternal Aunt and he were my godparents, been in my life every step. Christmases, birthdays etc. Aunt called me most weeks, doted on my children etc. Aunt sadly developed cancer and died aged 57. Uncle ghosted us then eventually cut the whole family off and never contacted us again. My children, who loved him to bits, were devastated and couldn't understand why.

I realised at that point that my 30 year relationship with him was just a facade to placate my lovely Aunt.

I'm not sure someone would have 'faked it' for so long, maybe something happened when she died?

@endofjune. I know this must have been upsetting for you, but having lost my husband a couple of years ago, I know first hand how lonely it can get. It’s well known that men who have had a good marriage, crave it again after losing a partner. It may seem very soon to others, but maybe he just wanted the companionship he lost. When my dad died, my mum was well supported by his best friend, who was widowed. A few months after my dad died, their friendship turned into a relationship and they ended up having 30 happy years together. I wasn’t too happy to begin with, but I tried not to judge, beyond making sure he wasn’t taking advantage of her vulnerability at the time. I’m glad I didn’t interfere, because now I understand what it is to lose a partner and to crave that kind of relationship again.

New girl started at work. I took her under my wing and we quickly became friends. I supported her when she was going through a tough time with one of our supervisors and helped her out with tasks she was given at work. I liked her. She was confident but seemed to be so caring.
Our friendship grew. We met for drinks outside of work, went to music concerts together and a few years into our friendship she invited me to her wedding and also her hen do.
All hens were asked to contribute towards costs of the hen do. I had no problem with this. A number of activities were planned including afternoon tea. I'm vegan and offered to bring my own food for afternoon tea just to make life easier. I was told there was no need as I would be catered for. Fast forward to afternoon tea and there was no a single thing I could eat. Friend pretty much ignored me and just enjoyed her afternoon tea with the rest of the hens (I didn't know any of them and had never met them before). It was her mother who realised there was nothing I could eat and offered to make me a peanut butter sandwich.

A year after the wedding and I was given a temporary supervisor position at work. I wanted to work towards promotion, so thought this would be a great step for me. Unfortunately, I was set up to fail. Of my thirteen staff, only three were operationally fit. I had no one to complete the work and I recieved no support from my managers. I was basically thrown in at the deep end and everyday felt like I was treading water, trying not to drown.
Amongst this chaos my friend was turning 30. She invited me to her 30th birthday party which I said I would attend. Unfortunately, a frustrating element of my job means that work are able to cancel days off and there is nothing we can do about it unless we find someone else to work the shift. Friend is in the same job and is very aware of this. Low and behold, my day off got cancelled for the day of her 30th birthday party. I immediately told her and said I would try my hardest to find someone to cover the shift. She then continuously put pressure on me to get cover. I tried, asked around so many colleagues, even offered to buy them a bottle of their favourite tipple, but unfortunately no one could cover. I texted my friend on her birthday wishing her a happy day and apologising that I was unable to make it as I could not get the cover. She never even replied.

With all the pressure I was under at work I got so stressed I developed a nasty kidney infection and ended up signed off sick with stress. She never once contacted me to ask how I was.

I don't bother with her now but we are still "friends" on Facebook and it makes me sigh when I see her posts about friendship or where she is portraying herself as a good samaritan.