What has someone done to make you see then in a different light

[NeedyNora]

General chat post. Curious.

My cousin and best friend, so close friend since she was born essentially. I was run over, badly damaged leg, skin grafts and everything. Really wanted to see her while I was in hospital, my parents offered to pay for a train ticket but no, she never turned up. About a couple of months later I was out of hospital, still wounded, dressings etc and she was very keen I should go to her graduation ceremony. It just wouldn't be the same if I wasn't there. I went hugely out of my way at personal expense (as a young adult, not much money) for accommodation, restaurant etc. The big day came and I was in my feet a lot, walked a long way as we went from venue to venue across the programme of events. I kept up despite the struggle and the pain I was in. My best friend and cousin... Never even said hello to me, avoided me all night, blanked me when I spoke to her, the works.
So lovely of her. I had no choice but to tag along in pain as I was miles from home. Felt utterly invisible. Her mum wasn't much better. That was when I saw how shallow she really was. It was all me me me really.

My dad... a relative said not a very nice thing about me - well serval unpleasant things to be honest and not once did he say hang on you don't know igiveup21 she's not like that. He told me he has the same worries - which if you knew me and knew me well like he has 40 years it's utter bullshit in what they are saying. So I have seen him a somewhat different light and have distanced myself from him and their toxic behaviour and comments.

@GrassFloppers

Whenever I realise someone's complete self-centredness at the cost of others and it hadn't been that obvious before, I get quite surprised and I mentally ditch them. I will continue to be pleasant if we have to interact e.g. at work or school run but if someone is a taker, I lose respect for them as I find it quite basic.

There are more and more of these sorts of people in existence these days. Or perhaps just because I'm older I've met more.....

Whilst being a Pagan being a godmother might not be appropriate it doesn't mean she couldn't attend the ceremony, if she cares about the family. I'm not a Christian but would still attend a christening invited.

My dh had similar, his friend asked him to be godfather to his daughter then the wife came round a day or two before ceremony and said we don't want you incase you say something controversial to the vicar! DH does have strong views about religion but also has manners and knows when to raise a debate and when not to.

We still went but I really wish we hadn't the whole thing was obviously just for show with no serious commitment to the religion. We didn't see them much after then and they eventually split up and the friend came back to DH apologising for her behaviour.

We had a new boss after a turbulent few years. She sat each employee down and had a chat about things. 18 months later I found out that a close colleague of mine had told the new boss that I had been a very close friend of the previous manager and to not trust me. I was floored that the first meaningful conversation this person had had with their new boss had been to bad mouth me. My new boss had clearly taken this conversation to heart because 18 months later said to me 'but now I see that you're ok'. I found out about this last January and it shook my confidence massively. To the point that it still hasn't recovered and I'm seriously considering leaving my role.

Thought I added a quote there obviously not!

@thefirstmrsrochester

DS (15 years old) started hanging around with a local wrong’un.

Was in my garden one afternoon and heard a bit of a commotion and went into the lane at the back of the houses to find a very drunk man who lives on the other side of the lane collapsed all scratched and bloody in a hedge with all his shopping scattered about.

I tried to get the man up but he was a dead weight and I’m 5ft.

Wrong’un appears, chats away to the wee man as we get him up and gets the house key from him so we can take him into his house, settles the wee man down, chats away whilst putting the shopping away and making him a cup of tea whilst I’m getting the man’s life story. We both sort out the man’s cuts and scrapes then leave him settled.

Turns out the wee man gets drunk and falls into the hedge on a fairly regular basis and the wrong’un has been picking him up, getting him into the house and making sure he’s ok for years.

He is a truly lovely boy.

Love this, and the other stories of misunderstood people. It's so easy to judge; how often do we get it wrong?

2 people I worked with took £200 from a cash machine outside a post office after someone walked away having forgotten it. Could have been her whole life savings - despicable. How much easier to take it into the post office or a police station who would have given it back to her. I wish they had never told me and I never went near them afterwards if possible. I also told people what they had done. It still makes me fume.

@Peakypolly

A great friend told me that it was fine to drop litter as it kept road sweepers in a job. I assumed he was joking, but no, perfectly serious. Unfortunately he died prematurely and is greatly missed by all, but when everyone is saying how wonderful he was in every way, I hate myself for immediately thinking 'but he did have a terrible attitude regarding rubbish'.

Lovely. Like something from an Alan Bennett play.

@StarlingsDarlings

Got rid of their dog. Has really affected my view of them which is a shame.

Same here

Some relatives gave up their dog when their second child came along 4 years ago

They now have 3 children and have just told me they have bought a new puppy

They work and are planning on crating it during the day

It makes me so sad and I don’t think il ever look at them the same again

They claimed to have no money and were reliant on a food bank to feed their child. Later revealed that they'd had hundreds in Euros in their house the whole time but that was "holiday money" so they'd not touched it or thought of using it to feed their child. Never thought of that person in quite the same way again.

MIL stayed with me for two weeks after I had my son, DH had travelled for work and I felt we got on ok even though I had to make her and her husband meals etc and she never even made me a meal or helped out. But she told DH and her other kids I had been rude about her and she heard me talking on the phone to my family calling her names, so much stuff I honestly couldn’t believe my ears when I heard what she had said.
I feel sorry for her that she felt she needed to make lies like that up but totally have no regard for her now.

Grandmother
Didn’t approve of the person I married as different religion and culture. Refused to attend my wedding, bullied my mother and pretty much behaved like I didn’t exist for the rest of her life.
Horrible awful woman who I loved dearly, it was my first lesson in how people can hide their true selves.
20 years on it still irks me.

Could only invite 1 of 3 bridesmaids to my wedding due to Covid restrictions of 15. Literally had 13 guests from 110. 30 family members uninvited.
1 of my bridesmaids who couldn’t come didn’t get in touch with me for 3 months or ask a single question about the wedding when I got in touch with her. Now I’m pregnant and she hasn’t asked how I’m doing at all. Quite glad she wasn’t there in the end.

@RincewindsHat

They claimed to have no money and were reliant on a food bank to feed their child. Later revealed that they'd had hundreds in Euros in their house the whole time but that was "holiday money" so they'd not touched it or thought of using it to feed their child. Never thought of that person in quite the same way again.

This reminds me of an ex-friend. She was in the process of divorce and regularly complained that she did not have money for food/clothes for the DC etc. Quite a few friends helper her out financially and practically. She was upset that she could not afford to take her DC on holiday or even for a weekend away after the difficult year they'd had. She successfully applied for a free self catering long weekend from a charity that mainly supports women in refuges etc. I and another friend agreed to drive her to/from the holiday so that she could spend her train fare on activities for the DC. Then a few weeks later, without batting an eyelid, she mentioned that she had been saving up all year and finally had enough money to pay for a fairly expensive overseas holiday for herself whilst the DC were at their Dad's. She also took herself on a shopping spree in preparation for the trip.

@Batsy When my friend uninvited me from her daughters christening and being God Mother because i'm Pagan and her husbands family were Catholic. you have to be a Confirmed Christian to be a godmother to a Catholic and at least one of the godparents must be a Catholic. They couldn’t have had a pagan.

I've been retraining this year, and had thought I was developing a friendship with another trainee. I was asked to arrange an end of year celebration and mini 'awards' event as part of that. I emailed the group asking for nominations and got a pompous, snotty, rude email back explaining that he didn't want to be treated like a Fresher and objects to organised fun.
I was just doing what I was asked to do, chum.
Off you fuck, twatty.

Clingy school pal back in the day who I continued to see when I was at college so I'd have been about 18 or 19 (she was a year older). If I ever cancelled or had to rearrange our plans she'd go in a huff. One night, I had to cancel as my then boyfriend was taken to hospital after having a fairly serious accident at work (he worked in a shipyard). Her reply to my text? "That's nice" Clearly thought I was making an elaborate excuse not to go out! God knows why but I continued to hang out with her after that for a little while. This was nearly 20 years ago but I'll never ever forget it!

Friends of 40 years. 1 lives v near to me the other long way away. Friend from long way away and DH stayed at other friends house this weekend went to a pub halfway between houses Didn’t invite me or DH Friend from faraway messaging me as to what a supportive friend I am and have been for our whole friendship. She also spent a whole weekend just before lockdown bitching to me about other friends DH and affair

A very rich, multi millionaire family member has a child born days apart from ours. Another relative decided to hold a joint birthday party for both kids. The time came to open gifts…we gave their son a £50 toy store voucher. They gave our son a £10 plastic bit of tat car (I knew the price as I had already bought it from Sainsbury’s haha). I was surprised as this person owns a mansion, in house cinema, homes in Monaco etc etc… just taught me that rich people are the meanest!

Made it very clear that they were okay with child abuse provided it wasn't their child.

Others have been clear that they refuse to believe that could happen in their family. They refuse to check with/communicate with the people who would tell them what happened.

So yeah.. worse thing is, this is a lot more common than I thought/suspected. Turns out there are lots of families out there refusing to believe that their relative could be sexually abusing anyone, never mind children. Therefore, the children must be liars.

Such shitty people :(

A friend going through a rough time after a relationship breakdown. One morning after the school run she came for coffee (bought for her, as we were doing at the time) and was fretting about money to buy groceries to feed her children. We all had a whip round and came up with a couple of hundred pounds.

About an hour later she got up to go and have a tattoo. She had money enough for that, but not to feed her kids.

Another nice animal-related one:
My dad is generally a good bloke but he's always had this unpleasant, petty dislike of cats. You couldn't mention them around him without him going off on one about how horrible they are.

A few years ago, an elderly stray started camping out in my parents' garden and mum started feeding him. Dad grudgingly allowed the cat to stay as long as it continued to live outside.

When I visited that Christmas, I was shocked to find the cat in the house, happily snuggled up on my dad's lap with dad gazing adoringly at him. That cat has since died and Dad now has an equally pampered rescue puss who is his best friend.

Dad tends to be very stuck in his ways so this was a real surprise.

My friend almost hit my son with her car while leaving off in a huff because I had not reacted to her picking on me all the afternoon about my weight, my hair and my son disability.

I have avoided her like the plague ever since

[quote 5zeds]**@Batsy* When my friend uninvited me from her daughters christening and being God Mother because i'm Pagan and her husbands family were Catholic.* you have to be a Confirmed Christian to be a godmother to a Catholic and at least one of the godparents must be a Catholic. They couldn’t have had a pagan.[/quote]
I'm atheist. Godmother to two catholic children. I promised to help in their philosophical upbringing, not to indoctrinate them ;) Their mother knows who I am/we are, and is happy with that, so that's all that

matters.