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Original poster

My husband died suddenly today

478 replies

vickibee · 06/07/2021 01:57

And I don’t know what to do. It has not sunk in yet and I only know it happened at work around noon.
I don’t know if there is anyone up to talk to I just feel I need some human contact

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 06/07/2021 18:11

So sorry for your loss vickibee, you and your Son must feel so lost. Concentrate on getting through the next hour, that is long enough for you at the moment. Let everyone help you.Flowers

kazillionaire · 06/07/2021 18:12

I am so sorry for you both, don't worry about your sister getting into trouble with T and T, they would totally overlook this if somehow she did get found out, take care of yourself and your lad xx

nocoolnamesleft · 06/07/2021 18:16

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words. Just one thought: some children who have bereaved actually find it helpful to attend school, as it gives them a refuge of nearer normality. Others, of course, do not. And you know your son best.

CUniverse · 06/07/2021 18:18

So sorry for the sudden loss of your husband, I can't imagine what pain and shock you're going through, your son too. I hope you have people around who are kind to you as you deserve during this time.

lastcall · 06/07/2021 18:37

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

LouLou198 · 06/07/2021 18:40

What a shock for you all, I am so sorry. He sounds like such a lovely man Thanks

Fcuk38 · 06/07/2021 18:42

I lost my husband aged 38- not as suddenly as yours be had a terminal illness so we had 3 months warning. I’ve just very quickly read all your posts and noticed you said you were going to keep your son off for the rest of term. My husband died at a similar time of year and my daughter continued to go in everyday and my son as and when he wanted. Just be mindful that school might actually Be what he needs right now as it’s the one thing that’s in his life that is normal. You will also have a lot of arranging to do, and it might be best if he’s not privy to that. Of course you know your son best and what to do but the thing about school being normal is possibly the one good bit of advice I was ever given post him passing away.

Oh and don’t worry about how you will get things done without him- is widows are friggin warriors you and your Son are going to find strength and courage that you never knew existed and Yes it going to be tough but you will be ok.

sarralim · 06/07/2021 18:44

@vickibee I'm so sorry for your loss. So very, very sorry. Be kind to yourself in this moment. Sending love and thoughts to you and your son Flowers Flowers Flowers

mbosnz · 06/07/2021 18:45

My huge and sincere condolences on your sudden loss, vickibee, and to your son also. It truly is my worst nightmare, and I'm so sad that you are living it.

Your husband sounds a lovely man, who will leave a hole in many lives and hearts, but none so big as in yours and your son's.

Mulhollandmagoo · 06/07/2021 18:54

Sending you and your son lots of love and strength Flowers do whatever you need to just to get through these next few weeks, it sounds like he really was a wonderful man x

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 06/07/2021 18:57

I'm so very sorry for your loss, much love to you and your son Thanks

billy1966 · 06/07/2021 19:02

What an utterly heartbreaking thread OP.

What an enormous, sudden, shocking loss.

I am so very sorry.
Flowers

GAHgamel · 06/07/2021 19:45

@NormaSnorks

So sorry to hear this *@vickibee* Flowers

There will be lots of practical stuff to sort out in the coming weeks and there are lots of useful links already shared.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this already, but if he died at work then you may be able to claim/access 'Death in Service' benefits. Sometimes these include lump sum payments, counselling for family etc. You will need to ask his employer and or any trade union he was part of.

Yep, @vickibee mentioned he did work for the council, so if it's an in-house service he's probably a member of the Local Government Pension scheme which does a death in service lump sum. (It used to be the case that if you'd filled in a form with them to nominate the beneficiaries of that then they didn't need to wait for the estate to be sorted out to pay it out, but I don't know if that's still true). They usually send/email a statement of benefits out every year with details of his pension eligibility etc, so if you can find that it may save you a bit of time jumping through hoops later.

If it's an outsourced service then the pension scheme arrangements may be a bit more complicated, so when you're feeling up to it then you're probably going to need to talk to his work HR department. Although to be honest, I'd hope they'd be taking it on themselves to contact you, given the circumstances.

Happyd · 06/07/2021 19:47

@vickibee I'm so sorry sending you lots of hugs .. be kind to yourself x

HeronLanyon · 06/07/2021 21:46

Your dh sounds such a lovely man - he’ll have been so happy to have been loved by you and your ds and sounds like he showed it and loved you both right back. That’s absolutely huge. Support, and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Manycupsoftea · 06/07/2021 22:09

I'm so sorry for your enormous loss. He sounds like a great, honest all-round good guy with a good heart, an action man. Thoughts with you, your son and family. Hope the city council helps you out with the admin side and you get some rest in the meantime. Flowers

Original poster
vickibee · 07/07/2021 03:10

Sorry for going away from the thread
My friends have rallied round and have been amazing, my home has enough flowers in it to start a florist lol
One of my friends is coming round tonight with pizza and we r going to watch the England game. He was a big footy fan and would have been there cheering on England. John stones is one of our own, he used to play for our team and was born in the village next to us.

People keep saying he has found peace now what does that even mean, I wish I had a faith and truly believed there is a heaven or whatever. The coroner rang and said there was going to be a post moretm but it breaks my heart thinking of him lying on a cold slab. I want him to walk thru the door moaning about the tenants at work. He had only been there since jan 20 but loved his job. RIP my darling I love you for ever 🌸🌸❤️❤️❤️✝️✝️

OP posts:
notawittyname1954 · 07/07/2021 03:18

So sorry. What a complete shock for you and your son. xxx

Dustyblue · 07/07/2021 07:23

Been thinking about you Vicki. You hang in there sweetheart.

I don't know what people mean by that either- think it's just something people say when they don't know what else to say.

Hope you can eat some pizza while you cheer on the team for him.

Strength to you xxx

Mollymalone123 · 07/07/2021 07:30

I’m so very sorry for your loss-I have read what you have written about him and it is clear you loved him very much.He sounded like such a hard working man and a great father setting good examples to his son.I’m glad your friends and family have rallied round.💐💐

TimeIhadaNameChange · 07/07/2021 08:12

So sorry for your loss x

A word of advice re your son, please let him see you cry, don't hold it in thinking you're protecting him. My mum did that after my dad died (I was 6). It was still blatantly obvious she was depressed, all it taught me was that feelings should be suppresses, which isn't a good thing to learn. Far better to talk about him together and cry together.

Hoppinggreen · 07/07/2021 09:42

No need to apologise vickibee
Although people are here to support you please don’t feel you need to post or share information if you don’t feel able or want to.
Of course if you want to talk about your lovely husband I for one would love to hear more about him and your Coliseum Days !!

RampantIvy · 07/07/2021 10:00

John stones is one of our own, he used to play for our team and was born in the village next to us.

You are local to me. I thought I recognised your user name. I hope he and the rest of the team come through tonight.

Sending you hugs and more Flowers

LittleGwyneth · 07/07/2021 10:42

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful person who had a beautiful marriage with you Flowers

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 07/07/2021 11:10

I'm thinking of you a lot @vickibee I can only imagine your heartbreak. I've read all your posts and he sounds like a wonderful man.
I'm glad you have support in real life Flowers