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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
RainbowMumzy · 01/07/2021 20:39

I cannot think of one reason why this would bother me and am baffled by everyone saying it's rude. If I was the host I'd simply remember for next time and say "don't worry about bringing your fizzy, I've got a couple of bottles in for you." The same way I would if I had a red wine drinker coming round or a gin drinker coming round.

BarefootHippieChick · 01/07/2021 20:39

crockof me too. Seriously, when we have get togethers everyone just turns up with armfuls of wine, prosecco, vodka, beer, cider, coke...whatever they fancy...no one bats an eyelid, it all goes in the fridge and everyone helps themselves. We have a 'Our house is your house' policy - as a result, our house is usually the chosen party house among our friends 😁

SamW98 · 01/07/2021 20:39

@PurBal

I think this is weird. We always have still or sparkling water, fruit juice, cordial, a range of tonics, so I understand wanting something other than wine. But bringing pop, as an adult, is really peculiar. I wouldn't say anything though.
Personally I find using the word 'pop' as an adult far more peculiar than someone bringing their own soft drink but each to their own

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saraclara · 01/07/2021 20:42

I don't keep fizzy drinks (not out of snobbiness, I just don't drink them) so I'd be relieved if someone who only likes them, brought some the first time. After that, I'd get some in if they were invited for a meal.

I can see why your DH is a tad uncomfortable with you bringing £1 worth of fizzy though. I think if I was either of you, I'd bring fizzy AND a bottle of wine. So that it looks like you've covered all bases and tastes, rather than just your own.

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:42

[quote KingdomScrolls]@Crockof you're conflating two things I said. Most people (I know don't drink cola with dinner).
Aside from that I've known several people addicted specifically to diet Coca-Cola, just wondered if that was OPs beverage of choice[/quote]
You said it was 'odd ' I don't get why coke is odd but wine is fine. And for everyone 'addicted ' to diet coke there are hundreds addicted to alcohol.

It's just weird that people find drinking fizzy (something with no restrictions) odd drinking something which is regulated due to the danger it does, perfectly acceptable.

PurBal · 01/07/2021 20:42

Quite probably because I just don't drink it myself. I usually break juice with water or it would be too sweet for me. We normally only have lime or elderflower cordial, I recently bought orange when a child was visiting. Lots of posters saying they don't like to drink water which I admit has completely blown my mind. I don't drink tea, but I do drink black coffee and we always have herbal teas for non caffeine drinkers. I think we have a massive selection of options but maybe I'm just the weird one.

SallySycamore · 01/07/2021 20:42

I think it's a bit weird, but that's because in my head, coke or Fanta doesn't go with the type of thing I'd serve at a dinner party. Nor would fruit juice.

As an aperitif, or a drink afterwards, yes. But with the actual meal, no.

peboh · 01/07/2021 20:43

Ah fair enough. Honestly I wouldn't worry too much. If your husband is that bothered he can arrange with mil to provide your choice so you don't have to take it yourself then. If he doesn't do that, then he's clearly not as bothered and just being a bit of a tit 😅

saraclara · 01/07/2021 20:43

Personally I find using the word 'pop' as an adult far more peculiar than someone bringing their own soft drink but each to their own

Don't be ridiculous @SamW98. In some parts of the country that's exactly what carbonated drinks are called. By all ages.

Pinkypink · 01/07/2021 20:44

One of my siblings does this. I find it irritating. We generally have water at the meal. It's not a drink I allow my kids to drink so that's also annoying.
I would equate it to serving a nice meal and an adult asking for ketchup. It's quite rude, a bit immature and not especially necessary

Rainallnight · 01/07/2021 20:45

I wouldn’t be offended but I would think it was immature and gauche.

peboh · 01/07/2021 20:45

@Pinkypink

One of my siblings does this. I find it irritating. We generally have water at the meal. It's not a drink I allow my kids to drink so that's also annoying. I would equate it to serving a nice meal and an adult asking for ketchup. It's quite rude, a bit immature and not especially necessary
Why is an adult asking for Ketchup immature? People have preferences. It's as simple as that. If you don't have the same preferences, that's cool but don't judge them for something you decide isn't for you.
Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:46

@saraclara

Personally I find using the word 'pop' as an adult far more peculiar than someone bringing their own soft drink but each to their own

Don't be ridiculous @SamW98. In some parts of the country that's exactly what carbonated drinks are called. By all ages.

Double bingo as hopeishere has already been disdainful about the op using the word Fizzy which is also regional
VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 20:46

It's your MIL, not a formal dinner occasion,
If you can't bring a fizzy drink, then it's a sad state of affairs.

DK123 · 01/07/2021 20:47

I take soft drinks to people's houses if I'm going for dinner because I don't drink and most people have nothing apart from alcohol to go with the dinner. Seems a bit rubbish to sit there drinking tap water for the sake of not bringing something with me. It saves the host the trouble of getting extra things in anyway. I certainly don't see why it should be seen as rude - if anything, it's rude not to have anything but tap water to offer someone if you know they're a non drinker.

Baystard · 01/07/2021 20:47

I'd find this odd if I'm honest.

Bringing some nice non-alcoholic drink that others would enjoy as a treat for a special occasion (as a drinker might with dinner party wine) is, assuming it's intended to be shared, absolutely fine.

Bringing a £1 for 2-litre bottle of something fizzy doesn't sound like it's on a par with bringing wine, it sounds like you have an addiction.

As a dinner party host I certainly don't ask everyone what they drink in advance, I just make sure I have a good selection so that non-drinkers have a choice. I wouldn't assume that they would only drink one single type of non alcoholic drink any more than I'd expect an alcohol drinking guest to only accept one type of wine - if I've matched the wine to the meal I wouldn't expect a guest to turn up with a different wine to drink instead, just because they only like that one type of wine - I'd say that was odd too.

Is it only a specific fizzy drink you take with you OP?

SallySycamore · 01/07/2021 20:47

Perhaps my circle is odd, but we wouldn't usually expect wine we'd taken to be opened — usually the host has sorted wine that goes with what they're cooking, and the wine people take is a gift for them. You don't take your favourite so you can drink it.

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:47

@Pinkypink

One of my siblings does this. I find it irritating. We generally have water at the meal. It's not a drink I allow my kids to drink so that's also annoying. I would equate it to serving a nice meal and an adult asking for ketchup. It's quite rude, a bit immature and not especially necessary
Grin because when you are an adult You Must Conform. And Ketchup is only for children. A nice meal is subjective, you being a judgey host, less so.
claralara42 · 01/07/2021 20:48

It's your MIL, not a formal dinner occasion,. If you can't bring a fizzy drink, then it's a sad state of affairs

I once brought a fancy fizzy drink to MIL's. Everyone immediately guessed I was pregnant Grin

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:49

@Baystard

I'd find this odd if I'm honest.

Bringing some nice non-alcoholic drink that others would enjoy as a treat for a special occasion (as a drinker might with dinner party wine) is, assuming it's intended to be shared, absolutely fine.

Bringing a £1 for 2-litre bottle of something fizzy doesn't sound like it's on a par with bringing wine, it sounds like you have an addiction.

As a dinner party host I certainly don't ask everyone what they drink in advance, I just make sure I have a good selection so that non-drinkers have a choice. I wouldn't assume that they would only drink one single type of non alcoholic drink any more than I'd expect an alcohol drinking guest to only accept one type of wine - if I've matched the wine to the meal I wouldn't expect a guest to turn up with a different wine to drink instead, just because they only like that one type of wine - I'd say that was odd too.

Is it only a specific fizzy drink you take with you OP?

Read the fucking thread. She brings for the host, because she is a guest with manners. Apparently the hosts she visits have none.
VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 20:49

squirts ketchup @Pinkypink**
You're even pinker now!

Personally my friends are my friends. If they want to drink a fizzy drink, I'll let them, what with being friends and all!

SallySycamore · 01/07/2021 20:50

I'd only drink water (or sparkling water) with dinner as a general rule — a barbecue, or something like a burger out is a bit different, but I just can't imagine wanting to drink lemonade with beef casserole, or coke with roast lamb.

Blueskytoday06 · 01/07/2021 20:51

I wouldn't think twice if someone did this. It's a non- issue.

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 20:51

@SallySycamore

Well, Nigella puts Coke on beef..

ChocolateCookies123 · 01/07/2021 20:53

Personally I’d be relieved you’d brought it if you have a particular preference. I also take soft drinks with me to peoples houses sometimes if I’m not drinking, as i have turned up to places in the past and found theres no non-alcoholic stuff. Also, I like to contribute something but if I’m not drinking wine it feels odd to take a bottle of wine with me so I take something non-alcoholic for everyone.