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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Shelddd · 01/07/2021 20:53

I don't have them in my house so if someone brought it to drink for themselves then that's great for them, I wouldn't care. I also think same for food though, if they are really picky or have certain dietary requirements then sure bring your own food.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 20:54

@SallySycamore

I'd only drink water (or sparkling water) with dinner as a general rule — a barbecue, or something like a burger out is a bit different, but I just can't imagine wanting to drink lemonade with beef casserole, or coke with roast lamb.
You can't. They probably could. People drink wine with food - it's only a drink when all is said and done. Society has made the wine to be celebrated, and fizzy drinks to be looked down on.
MayIDestroyYou · 01/07/2021 20:55

@mikejardine

I would be silently offended if an adult with no unusual, specific needs brought something so basic, for their own consumption

So many of you are so weird! so many comments like the above, you are all TERRIBLE hosts! As long as your guests are happy and everyone enjoys themselves, why would you give this any headspace at all?! I want my guests to enjoy themselves and would never take offence at something so........ inoffensive frankly!

Op yanbu and your DH is way overthinking this

You clearly didn't read my second paragraph.

But I'm still puzzling over fizzy juice.

I Really Don't Care.

Grin

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Pinkypink · 01/07/2021 20:55

My apologies to all the ketchup loving posters who I have wrongly judged and offended.

Baystard · 01/07/2021 20:56

crockof thanks, yes I did read the thread.

Respectfully, as a host, if I don't have cheap fizzy pop in the house it's because we don't drink it, therefore a guest turning up with 2 litres (which she stated could be bought for £1) would still be a bit odd. My comment about taking it to share was that if it is 'nice' drink that other guests are likely to enjoy then that's fine, but cheap fizzy pop isn't comparable to bringing wine.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/07/2021 20:56

Were I hosting, wouldn’t be the least offended if you brought your preferred soft drink. Might be a little put out if that’s all you brought, though. Bottle of wine/flowers would be nice too, to say thanks for the effort.

Funnily enough though, wouldn’t be the least offended if you came completely empty handed (ie minus the fizzy).
Doesn’t make sense, I know Grin

lazylinguist · 01/07/2021 20:56

I don't have fizzy drinks in my house normally but would buy something for visitors for a meal

I must confess it wouldn't necessarily occur to me to buy soft drinks for adult guests who might not be drinking alcohol (driving or for other reasons). I don't have fizzy drinks in the house and only tend to buy them for kids' parties etc. I don't like sweet fizzy drinks myself, and my adult family members and close friends don't seem to drink them either, so if I were at someone's house for dinner and was driving, I'd just have water. So YANBU I guess, OP, if fizzy drinks are the only soft drinks you like.

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 01/07/2021 20:56

Do you not drink water OP? I don't drink alcohol either (or especially like tea or coffee for that matter which is the other drink sometimes offered with dinner).

But I just ask for a glass of tap water when asked what I'd like to drink - easy enough for the host. I think I'd feel a bit embarrassed or childish/teenager- like needing to have fizzy pop or other soft drinks with my meal. I don't think it's rude however, especially since you offer the drink to others - perhaps just a little odd or unusual.

BarefootHippieChick · 01/07/2021 20:57

pinkypink wait until your kids leave home and start rebelling and buying coke by the bucket load 😆

DK123 · 01/07/2021 20:57

It's lost on me why anyone thinks there's anything wrong with taking a soft drink in case all that's on offer is alcohol and you get palmed off with tap water. Everyone else enjoying the wine and you have to shut up and graciously drink the tap water because that's all there is? I don't think so. How on earth is it rude to take something for yourself in case there's nothing else you can have available?

claralara42 · 01/07/2021 20:58

but cheap fizzy pop isn't comparable to bringing wine

Yes, it is. But is expensive fizzy pop comparable?

dyslek · 01/07/2021 20:59

Its a little bit excentric, but not offensive.

SallySycamore · 01/07/2021 20:59

But I think what we're saying DK is a lot of us happily drink only tap water with dinner through choice!

I'd much prefer a dinner with water and no wine than one with coke and no water. Or wine and no water.

speakout · 01/07/2021 21:00

I'd find it odd TBH.
If you are not a drinker then perfectly fine to bring a bottle of fancy lemonade or other non alcoholic drink to share, but strange to bring a 2 litre bottle of fizzy stuff.
Hosts should be supplying just soft drinks anyway got non drinkers of those that want one glass of wine or whatever. I always keep a range of lemonade, coke, fruit juices, squash fizzy and still mineral water.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/07/2021 21:00

Your MIL is family. Surely you can drink what you like with family even if that means taking it yourself?

Otherwise, I'd accept water - tap or bottled- rather than turn up with a bottle of fizzy whatever.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:01

My ketchup has matured over a period of week, stored in a wooden kitchen cabinet (oak, no less). Once opened, a delicate decanter via squeeze method is used. One should use sparingly in close proximity to peas, but with chips, an ample serving is permissible within a working class household.

Ketchup in sachet form is really only acceptable when it's matured for a longer period, typically in drawer with other essential condiments, or when dining out with a can of Tizer.

Fennellathewitch · 01/07/2021 21:01

Get together, in our house a guest can bring anything they like! Usually all turn up with lots of booze of their choice, soft drinks, more food etc.
Even though there is lots on offer.
I don't feel it's a slur as a host, I want them to enjoy the night and the company. I would be offended if a crack pipe came out, but a bottle of coke HmmReally...

Fistful · 01/07/2021 21:03

It’s pretty juvenile, like bringing a bottle of ketchup to a dinner party and covering your food in it. As well as rude if you don’t bring something for your host.

MajesticWhine · 01/07/2021 21:04

It's a bit odd. I have a friend who brings her own biscuits or cakes when she comes for tea. My assumption is mine are not good enough. It's eccentric and a bit rude but she's still my friend.

lazylinguist · 01/07/2021 21:04

We always have still or sparkling water, fruit juice, cordial, a range of tonics, so I understand wanting something other than wine. But bringing pop, as an adult, is really peculiar.

This is so arbitrary though. Cordial is just a posh name for squash, which is sweet fruit-flavoured drink. Does it suddenly become peculiar because it's fizzy? In fact, if you mixed your cordial with your sparkling water, it would effectively be 'pop'. I don't drink any of that stuff anyway, but quibbling about which sweetened drinks are ok or peculiar is just snobbery really.

Donkydinky · 01/07/2021 21:04

I would understand if you were teetotal or recovering from addiction.

Otherwise, it's surely in that grey area where it's not exactly well bred, but it's not necessarily making anyone uncomfortable (unless you're insulting a hostess who has thought carefully about what hospitality to offer you). So whether or not it's rude is down to how much you care about having good manners as defined by keeping a set of rules, rather than good manners as defined by thoughtfulness for others.

I would say it's definitely pushy but if everyone knew you and your heart was in the right place generally, I'd accept it as idiosyncratic. If you were generally obnoxious, it would be more evidence of this. If you were a recovering addict, all rules go out the window.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 01/07/2021 21:06

I don’t drink alcohol or soft drinks containing sugar so will often take a drink I do enjoy. I take plenty and make it clear anyone is welcome to help themselves. This is in addition to a bottle of wine which can either be opened there and then and shared, or kept for the host to enjoy at a later date. And I almost always bring flowers for the host. I must say this is for more casual things, if it were a dinner party I would probably still take soft drinks but only for prior or after the meal. If the table were set with water jugs and glasses I would obviously happily drink water with my meal.
I must say that I have never had anyone seem remotely offended by this.

Snugglepumpkin · 01/07/2021 21:07

If it was the first time you'd visited I'd just clock what you'd chosen & the next time make sure I had some ready for you.

I don't drink alcohol (or sweet or fizzy drinks for that matter) so I bring drinks I like with me anywhere I go too.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 01/07/2021 21:07

I can't get over some of these comments. Just drink tap water? I drink mostly tap water with ice myself, but I wouldn't expect a guest to! Bring what you want and like, I couldn't care less.
As for the people saying OP must be addicted to fizzy drinks, so fucking what? This is MN, where lots of people drink a bottle of wine a night... that's ok though, it's a naice middle class addiction Wink

Blueroses99 · 01/07/2021 21:07

I might have water with my meal, but if that’s all on offer for the whole evening, it’s a bit boring! Hosts should have something non-alcoholic available.