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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Killahangilion · 01/07/2021 20:12

I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest.

However, DH doesn’t drink alcohol anymore and I only drink a small amount very rarely, as wine often gives me migraines as do those awful artificial sweeteners you get in some soft drinks.

Therefore, we tend to go overboard on good quality soft drinks when hosting and have lots of options available including DH’s amazing alcoholic and non alcoholic cocktails.

I love ice cold Tonic water on its own and have it quite often, so YABU on that one. 😁

Happycow37 · 01/07/2021 20:16

Me and my sister take a bottle of fizzy juice if we’re going visiting. Not everyone has fizzy juice and I won’t drink tap water. A lot of people also don’t keep their beverages in the fridge and I won’t drink anything unless it’s ice cold. I also do not drink alcohol with food.

I don’t think it’s weird at all, it means more of whatever there is for everyone else. I prefer a fizzy drink with food and I’ll drink water at other times and I would find it weird if people were judging me for this, like your husband and the posters who are judging you. It’s none of their business really is it?

Malin52 · 01/07/2021 20:17

No it's totally fine. We don't have any soft drinks in the house other than water (loads of wine and every spirit you could ever want though!) so I would expect you to bring those if you wanted them.

Isnt the done thing to 'bring a bottle'? If you aren't drinking then what ever you'd like to drink is perfect.

I'd be murderous if a friend pitched up and asked for a coke or something when I offered them a drink. I'm expecting you to drink wine or gin so That would be like a asking for a specialist cognac or something in this house!

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MrsCremuel · 01/07/2021 20:17

If you were taking a bottle as a gift for the table, as in a contribution I wouldn’t think it strange but it does seem a bit odd in that it’s just for you and they can have a bit.

Standrewsschool · 01/07/2021 20:17

I think it would be a little strange to take something for your personal consumption (allergies aside) and not with the intention of sharing it out. Don’t most people provide a soft drink nowadays, due to there usually being a designated driver? Soft drinks, wine, chocolate etc should all be handed to the host.

Couldn’t you just contact the host before the event and mention you won’t be drinking alcohol, and ask if they can have a soft drink in?

bumblenbean · 01/07/2021 20:17

Some of the responses are weirdly condescending and a tad snobby. ‘Juvenile drink’ ‘most adults don’t drink fizzy drinks’ ‘can’t you go a night without it’. The whole point of a dinner with friends is for everyone to enjoy themselves. Not everyone drinks alcohol and why should they ‘just drink tap water’? Surely you’d want your guests to enjoy themselves and if they’re happy to bring their own so you don’t have to cater for it, what’s the issue?

I could understand if OP was rocking up with a single can of coke or something to a posh dinner party but I just cannot see the issue in bringing a sharing bottle and explaining that it’s what you like with your meal.

Colouringaddict · 01/07/2021 20:17

I would always try to cater to guests, but I wouldn’t be offended if they turned up with a bottle of fizzy drink.

I don’t like diet drinks or water, my MIL rarely has non diet drinks in, as it’s only me and one other that drink it, so I always take cans or bottles to hers. Happy to leave there what I don’t drink.

I’ve just finished a can of cream soda with my dinner, in a mason jar….. with a straw

starfishmummy · 01/07/2021 20:18

Certain family members know I don't drink. They dont cater. Tbh I'd prefer a (decaff) coffee anytime, even with a meal (I know) and ds is the same. But we get told we can't have one because it's too near mealtime, or too late in the day or there's a "y" in the day. This is from the same person who is constantly quaffing lucozade or luminous blue sports drinks!!

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 01/07/2021 20:19

@bumblenbean

Some of the responses are weirdly condescending and a tad snobby. ‘Juvenile drink’ ‘most adults don’t drink fizzy drinks’ ‘can’t you go a night without it’. The whole point of a dinner with friends is for everyone to enjoy themselves. Not everyone drinks alcohol and why should they ‘just drink tap water’? Surely you’d want your guests to enjoy themselves and if they’re happy to bring their own so you don’t have to cater for it, what’s the issue?

I could understand if OP was rocking up with a single can of coke or something to a posh dinner party but I just cannot see the issue in bringing a sharing bottle and explaining that it’s what you like with your meal.

It's similar to that odd thread about the wedding dietary requirements where the general view seemed to be "here's a lettuce leaf, take it and be grateful"
caringcarer · 01/07/2021 20:20

I would not mind at all but always have cans of diet lemonade, diet coke, diet tropical and Fanta Zero in fridge. Plus lots of bottles of water still and sparkling.

Foxhasbigsocks · 01/07/2021 20:20

I think it’s a bit rude.

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:20

@hopeishere

When you say fizzy / fizz do you mean pop?

It's a bit odd.

Fuck me it's MN bingo tonight.
BoysTownGang · 01/07/2021 20:21

I’ve taken my own soft drink on several occasions, Op - we often go to DPs very elderly parents for tea, and they drink either tea, coffee or wine. I usually take a can of Coke or Orange with me as after 5 cups of tea😵‍💫 I like a cold drink! The tap water round here is vile.
To whichever poster mentioned someone who keeps Diet Coke in their car, have you thought that maybe that person is like me (menopausal and hot all the time, not a good traveller or just likes to have a drink with them?)
No one should be labelled weird, addicted or suchlike just for looking after their own needs - rather bring your own drink than sit through a meal feeling uncomfortable.

claralara42 · 01/07/2021 20:23

A good hosts first duty is to make their guests comfortable. If you want a specific drink, it's completely fine to bring your own.

VodkaSlimline · 01/07/2021 20:25

Rude and weird. Either gratefully accept your host's hospitality, whatever that may be, or don't go. I wouldn't invite you back!

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:25

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

I would take a couple of really nice bottles of soft drink as a gift plus one chilled as this signals you want to drink it.

In relation to your husbands comments why on earth can't you take a drink to your own mother in law's house ? It's hardly the same as going as a guest to a dinner party.

Ahhh snobbery, really nice bottles are OK but Fanta etc are juvenile/weird
tealappeal · 01/07/2021 20:26

Dare I say it, but I suspect it's mainly the social climbers saying this is unacceptable..where the right impression matters above making your guests feel comfortable. Even if OP insisted on taking a bottle of her own urine to my dinner party, I'd make her feel comfortable and embrace the eccentricity.

Peach01 · 01/07/2021 20:26

I wouldn't bat an eye lid. I would rather someone felt happy, had a drink they enjoyed making their evening more comfortable, rather than sitting there wishing they had something else. Of all the things to find offensive, weird or rude, this isn't one of them.

Wolfiefan · 01/07/2021 20:27

I think it’s weird if you’re turning up with a jumbo sized bottle of coke. (Plus my fridge is rammed. It wouldn’t fit in there!) Surely there are other things you can drink? And no. I don’t mean alcohol. But I can’t imagine hosting and not having at least a couple of options for soft drinks.

BarefootHippieChick · 01/07/2021 20:27

@lovelybitofsquirrell

I find mn an odd place sometimes. I wouldn't give it a second thought if you turned up with a bottle of Fanta at my house.

Exactly this. Seriously, some very odd people on this thread, and mumsnet in general.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 01/07/2021 20:28

@Peach01

I wouldn't bat an eye lid. I would rather someone felt happy, had a drink they enjoyed making their evening more comfortable, rather than sitting there wishing they had something else. Of all the things to find offensive, weird or rude, this isn't one of them.

Exactly this.

KingdomScrolls · 01/07/2021 20:28

I'd think it a bit odd because most people don't drink cola etc with a meal at home. Having said that we always have a bottle of cola, lemonade, still and sparkling water, cordial, fruit juice often some pressé etc. I rarely drink tea or coffee at home so we have plenty of soft drinks.

Is it diet Coke? I've known several people who are pretty much addicted to it, drank little else and always had it with them.

mikejardine · 01/07/2021 20:29

I would be silently offended if an adult with no unusual, specific needs brought something so basic, for their own consumption

So many of you are so weird! so many comments like the above, you are all TERRIBLE hosts! As long as your guests are happy and everyone enjoys themselves, why would you give this any headspace at all?! I want my guests to enjoy themselves and would never take offence at something so........ inoffensive frankly!

Op yanbu and your DH is way overthinking this

Crockof · 01/07/2021 20:29

@VodkaSlimline

Rude and weird. Either gratefully accept your host's hospitality, whatever that may be, or don't go. I wouldn't invite you back!
You wouldn't invite back a good friend who is great company because they brought a bottle of fanta/coke? I dont think it's op that is rude.
DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 01/07/2021 20:30

If find it odd that so many posters use the word 'Cola'.

Do you not buy branded drinks?

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