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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Ilovecaviar · 02/07/2021 15:53

Great topic, some interesting opinions!

If you don’t drink alcohol and the soft drinks available are always water or tonic water or sparkling water instead of a mocktail or ‘fancier’ soft drink or at least fizzy pop then I can see why you bring your own.

It is bad hosting to not be providing a proper range of alternatives, whether you drink them or not.

I don’t drink wine but I do spirits, so would that be looked down upon also?

I would want JD and diet cola…. No matter what the food was 😆

Original poster
yummytum · 02/07/2021 16:01

@Mymapuddlington

I still don’t get why you would even ask when all you want is people to say you’re right and you don’t care about what anyone else, including your husband and his family, think.

Because thE whole point of a thread is a discussion and on reflection, my original take still stands

I don't have to agree with you Hmm

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 02/07/2021 16:08

My DH is teetotal but all of our friends know that so would always have a non alcoholic option. I'd only feel comfortable taking a bottle of fizzy drink if it was a naice one though - something like a Belvoir elderflower, not a bottle of Diet Coke or 7Up.

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JennieLee · 02/07/2021 16:14

There is an obesity crisis which isn't being helped by feeling the need to all eat/drink the same. The sooner we all stop think od what our individual bodies.... need the better

This is a really odd statement. For most of human history people have ate communally, because the effort involved in making fire/generating heat meant it would be very wasteful for people to try and cook their own separate portions of food. Prior to fridges, freezers, microwaves, globalisation, the growth of supermarkets etc, the majority of food eaten would have been fairly locally produced and relatively lacking in variety. Low wages also meant that being able to eat a variety of food was simply not possible for most people. You ate what was cheap and what you could afford, and if you didn't fancy that you probably went without.

Malnutrition and under-nourishment were problems. But obesity was very rare - a problem for the rich

Now that ready meals, fast food and fizzy drink are being marketed everywhere - and people are being encouraged to eat what they fancy, whenver they fancy it,, many people experience illness and disability because of over-eating.

NovemberRain2 · 02/07/2021 16:23

I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think it odd that you couldn't survive a meal without your fizzy drink. And if it is something common like diet coke or lemonade, then I'd probably have some in anyway (not least for mixers!).

Is there a reason you can't risk drinking water or juice if your fizzy drink is not available on a particular evening?

Crockof · 02/07/2021 16:39

@NovemberRain2

I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think it odd that you couldn't survive a meal without your fizzy drink. And if it is something common like diet coke or lemonade, then I'd probably have some in anyway (not least for mixers!).

Is there a reason you can't risk drinking water or juice if your fizzy drink is not available on a particular evening?

Now this is interesting

Coke is OK for mixers, so add alcohol and its no longer a childish drink , its an acceptable drink to have.

Its not about 'not risking' it could you be any more patronising? it's the fact that a meal with friends is meant to be a pleasurable experience which is made more so by drinking something you like.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 02/07/2021 16:47

I would find it weird it an adult drank fizzy drinks - outside sparkling wine or water- at the dinner table

So if you don't drink alcohol the only thing you are allowed to have is water? That's a weird attitude when there are so many soft/fizzy drinks on offer. I will usually have a diet coke if I am not having wine, but might also have elderflower, for example. What on earth is "weird" about that? Water is boring, I can have that at home.

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 16:54

I would suggest that the popularity of Coca Cola globally indicates that the abnormality lies with those finding it strange that it might be consumed at the dinner table.

It really IS that popular, and it really IS consumed the world over even at dinner tables. Who'd a thunk it?

Arsebucket · 02/07/2021 16:55

I would find it weird it an adult drank fizzy drinks - outside sparkling wine or water- at the dinner table

Why? 😂

Omg, it of all the things to find odd.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 02/07/2021 16:59

@NovemberRain2

I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think it odd that you couldn't survive a meal without your fizzy drink. And if it is something common like diet coke or lemonade, then I'd probably have some in anyway (not least for mixers!).

Is there a reason you can't risk drinking water or juice if your fizzy drink is not available on a particular evening?

At what point will posters actually get that insisting on your choice, is at least equal to OPs bringing of her choice?

And juice? Pure sugar.

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 17:01

The Queen herself keeps a bottle of Fizzy Vimto in her handbag.
Obviously this is kept under wraps, and it might offend other drinks providers.
She's also got little packet of fruit pastilles in there but if word ever got out about that, I'd be killed instantl...

thud

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 17:01
VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 17:03

[quote JennieLee][/quote]
All round to yours tonight Jennie? ;-)

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?
MargosKaftan · 02/07/2021 17:17

@Crockof - I would also think it odd that someone had a drink like vodka and coke with a meal. Wine and beer are pretty much the only alcoholic drinks that "go" with a meal.

But then its not as odd as the people who have a cup of tea with a meal other than breakfast or a sandwich...

NigellaSeed · 02/07/2021 17:18

I don't drink, people who know me well would buy in some non alcoholic champagne - but if I went to a dinner party id bring a bottle of elderflower. Anyone could have some. Id also bring a bottle of wine for the host.

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 17:21

Eek Vertical! ! How many Mumsnetters are coming?

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 17:24

@JennieLee

Eek Vertical! ! How many Mumsnetters are coming?
Hundreds and we are all bringing fizzy drinks!

(and Jaffa Cakes for dessert)

We'll make a proper hostess of you yet.

Don't forget paper napkins. We aren't uncivilised!

NigellaSeed · 02/07/2021 17:24

@Lesartisansetlessansculottes

Yes. You are being rude and weird. You take what is on offer. We all do that.
That's ridiculous. " If you are a tee totaller - you either drink that wine or you get tap water, don't you dare bring a bottle of schleur with you, you rude weirdo! "
JennieLee · 02/07/2021 17:31

But will you all take your shoes off?

Thanks for sorting out the drinks. But I need a full shopping list now. Plus instructions as to whether to plate everything up, or just leave the carrier bags out so you can all cook your own healthy meals.

I need to know who is gluten free, who is vegan, who is the sort of vegetarian who fancies a bit of barbecued pork sausage?

Also if your dear little children start smearing ketchup on the walls, am I allowed to stop them expressing their creativity?

Would it be better if you just bought your own take aways?

Also am I supposed to put sanpro in the downstairs loo? And if men are invited do I need those special beakers?

NovemberRain2 · 02/07/2021 17:37

@crockof yes, I could definitely be more patronising but I won't.

It probably is a bit irrational to think it's weird to bring a fizzy drink but not wine. But if I go to someone's house, I would take a bottle of wine even if I wasn't drinking alcohol. If they didn't then have any soft drinks I liked, water would be absolutely fine. I don't need to have fizzy drinks or my preferred drink of choice at every meal.

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 17:37

I am a man!!

thisplaceisweird · 02/07/2021 17:38

Fine! I always tell guests "this is what I'm doing... If you want anything else, feel free to bring it!" Sometimes it's a fizzy we never have in, or it's an extra pudding e..g fruit salad or ice cream when I'm doing something v indulgent. Not a problem at all, Im happy doing what I want and they have the option to cater for their own additional preferences

NovemberRain2 · 02/07/2021 17:39

Fizzy drinks have a lot of sugar too! Or aspartame.

But most people will have soft drinks. Like I said, I wouldn't be offended but I would think it odd.

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 17:40

Congratulations on your transition Vertical! Brave and stunning.

NovemberRain2 · 02/07/2021 17:41

[quote MargosKaftan]@Crockof - I would also think it odd that someone had a drink like vodka and coke with a meal. Wine and beer are pretty much the only alcoholic drinks that "go" with a meal.

But then its not as odd as the people who have a cup of tea with a meal other than breakfast or a sandwich... [/quote]
Pre and post dinner cocktails?