Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

[yummytum]

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

Because most people haven't said it's odd/weird/whatever else

Tbh, I think many posters here, and the people inviting you for dinner are being polite/generous about bringing your Coke to a dinner party and not being judgemental.

No good host is going to do anything other than welcome you warmly and pour your fizzy.

You've got a range of opinions, OP. There's no need to be stubborn that you're 'right' - most people have sufficiently well-developed social skills to ensure that you're never made to feel uncomfortable about your insistence on drinking Coke through a dinner party.

You've got a range of opinions, OP. There's no need to be stubborn that you're 'right' - most people have sufficiently well-developed social skills to ensure that you're never made to feel uncomfortable about your insistence on drinking Coke through a dinner party.

Have a day off well developed social skills so someone doesn't feel uncomfortable that you CLEARLY think they're bonkers for bringing a drink

@JennieLee

Just musing on the significance of names here.

yummytum doesn't sound terribly grown up somehow. I think sometimes - especially when trying to help young children learn how to behave - it's useful to be able to do the grown up stuff, and show a bit of flexibility. Not at a family picnic or barbecue, as others have said. But when socialising with people you know a little less well.

Oh my Are you for real? 😂 picking at my username now?!

As it goes, DC can't attend any 'dinner parties' because he's severely disabled and we get childcare unless it's mother in law's house. Don't be so ridiculous

I am reminded of a 'night before the wedding' event at some venue in the country.

There were loads of us and we were doing a bring and share supper, so loads of different dishes. Someone in the bride's family was overseeing the general warming up and setting out, and it was going to be around 8pm before things were done. Most of us were enjoying hanging round chatting - and nibbling on crisps and nuts etc.

But then another member of the bride's family whisked in with a plate of food wrapped up in clingfilm and microwaved it for 'Uncle G'. Because Uncle G had to have his supper at 7 and it had to be foods that he liked. There are reasons why Uncle G is not flexible. But entertaining is generally a bit easier if people go with the flow, rather than saying 'Here is my special drink, which I am putting in the fridge for myself - though somebody else can have some if they want'. One or two 'fussy' or 'inflexible' people can be accomodated.

But Mumsnet is full of people saying Oh god, my eldest won't eat this and my daughter won't have that and my son's gone vegan.' There's someting a bit 'Me, me, me' about it all.

I think good mates and close family will tolerate such behaviour. But it's not, in iteself, hugely endearing.

It's not odd at all OP

Hosts should ensure their guests are happy
What's the point in inviting people to dinner for them not to enjoy it?
It's like another thread on here about if you were invited to dinner at 7 pm what time would you turn up and the majority said later than 7! why if the host has invited you for 7 would you be late the host maybe has a set time everything needs to be organised for and people trickling in half an hour later is probably going to be annoying but no not on mumsnet apparently turning up at the correct time is rude wtf?
Everything seems to be rude on here

@JennieLee

I am reminded of a 'night before the wedding' event at some venue in the country.

There were loads of us and we were doing a bring and share supper, so loads of different dishes. Someone in the bride's family was overseeing the general warming up and setting out, and it was going to be around 8pm before things were done. Most of us were enjoying hanging round chatting - and nibbling on crisps and nuts etc.

But then another member of the bride's family whisked in with a plate of food wrapped up in clingfilm and microwaved it for 'Uncle G'. Because Uncle G had to have his supper at 7 and it had to be foods that he liked. There are reasons why Uncle G is not flexible. But entertaining is generally a bit easier if people go with the flow, rather than saying 'Here is my special drink, which I am putting in the fridge for myself - though somebody else can have some if they want'. One or two 'fussy' or 'inflexible' people can be accomodated.

But Mumsnet is full of people saying Oh god, my eldest won't eat this and my daughter won't have that and my son's gone vegan.' There's someting a bit 'Me, me, me' about it all.

I think good mates and close family will tolerate such behaviour. But it's not, in iteself, hugely endearing.

There is a huge difference there. A good comparison would be the Uncle bringing a drink he likes with him and offering it to anyone else too - There to take if you like. Strange you'd include that comparison too, since it includes set times he just HAS TO HAVE HIS STUFF

I’m shocked at how many people have said they offer alcoholic drinks but don’t have fizzy drinks when guests are over! Not everyone likes to drink you know!

@Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat

i dont think the OP, who, in response to you just said "Have a day off" , has the level of social skills you are describing so it is all a bit pointless to continue the discussion tbh...i'll be off :D

Cafetiere

@CafetiereOrEspressino You sound like a real, genuine snob

@Malin52

For those of you who think it's poor hosting to not have soft drinks in what the hell do you buy? Some people don't want sugar Some people don't drink 'diet things' Some people only want orange things or Vimto or lemonade Some only want speciality sparkling water Some only want red bull.

I'm not stocking my house with litres of stuff that won't get touched. In which case I need the guest to tell me or bring their own preferably.

At least with alcohol drinkers you usually get it right 99% of times if you have red and white wine and some beers (and gin).

I once stocked up with ginger beer and a posh rose lemonade for a pregnant friend. She scrutinised the ingredients, rejected them and sat grimly with some tap water. Then drank the wine anyway...

"Hey guest, would you like to come over for dinner?.... You would?! Great! So what do you like to drink?"

Sorted.

@DifferentHair

I wouldn't be offended but I'd honestly think it was a bit eccentric and childish.

It's one dinner! if you're staying for a week I can see bringing your preferred food and drink ...maybe, depending on how well you knew the hosts. But for one meal I'd just have a glass of water if I didn't like the other options.

And if you don't like water though?

Honestly I am so over feeling any social pressure where food and drink is concerned. We all know our own bodies best, I don't want to feel pressure to eat certain things just because someone else thinks I should - especially things which aren't terribly healthy. If you don't drink alcohol you shouldn't have to endure an evening drinking tap water or something you don't want to drink especially if unhealthy just to please others and actually if you have any preference alcohol wise or not and take it with you on the basis you are happy to share I don't see what the problem is.

There is an obesity crisis which isn't being helped by feeling the need to all eat/drink the same. The sooner we all stop thinking of whatever we put into our bodies as food and start thinking of it as fuel and what our individual bodies do and don't need the better. I will happily eat chocolate everyday but rarely eat cheese, it's all about compromise. I also drink Diet Coke but very rarely drink alcohol. You do you and I'll do me.

There are some seriously snobby gits on here. OP is uncouth because she won't take the hosts offering of wines (and more specifically, wines that they personally prefer)? And wine is somehow better than carbonated soft drinks?
I'd rather drink a cola than rely on alcohol.

I still don’t get why you would even ask when all you want is people to say you’re right and you don’t care about what anyone else, including your husband and his family, think.

I would find it weird it an adult drank fizzy drinks - outside sparkling wine or water- at the dinner table

Wouldn't have a problem with this.

If I'm driving, I will usually take a few bottles of non-alcohol drinks such as Fever Tree or similar. If the host has something I'd like, then brilliant. If not, I'll have glasses of what I've brought.

Absolutely no difference whatsoever to the OPs scenario. Why should anyone 'make do' when bringing your preferred option is so easy?

If you went to a house that only served Blue Nun wine or pale ale, would you really judge anyone for bringing their own alternative?

I think different people approach dinner parties in different ways. For me and my friends:

Aperitifs: a range of alcoholic or soft drinks.

With dinner: Water (in a jug/bottle of sparkling) and/or wine (same for everybody, or one white and one red). Water is the non-alcoholic option and wine is the alcoholic option. You wouldn't have lemonade instead of water, or beer instead of wine.

After dinner: At the table, tea or coffee. Chatting away from the table later, alcoholic or soft drinks.

If you take wine, it's as a gift for the host. It probably won't be opened while you're there.

It obviously isn't the only way of doing it, but that's how it works with my friends. So yes, for us, you drinking a fizzy drink with the meal would be weird, because we don't do that!

@roarfeckingroarr

I would find it weird it an adult drank fizzy drinks - outside sparkling wine or water- at the dinner table

I think this properly astounds me.

You have a very limited palate!

I sometimes bring bottle(s) of soft drink when I don’t want to drink alcohol, as IME many hosts offer only alcohol or water.

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo because I don't drink sugary fizzy sh*t!

@roarfeckingroarr

You do - you drink sparkling wine 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly? I would welcome you warmly, offer ice and a garnish for your drink (assuming you rejected my choice of soft drinks), and ensure I had some in stock for next time. I would quietly consider you rude, inflexible and somewhat uncouth.

It’s not about alcoholic vs non alcoholic drinks. It’s more akin to bringing your own ketchup because you don’t enjoy meals without it.

@roarfeckingroarr

I would find it weird it an adult drank fizzy drinks - outside sparkling wine or water- at the dinner table

Me too. It's not a grown up thing to do. Who the heck has pop with their food unless it's a McDonald's