Page 17 | Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

Crockof · 02/07/2021 09:35

@NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost

It’s not about the fact it’s Coca Cola or whatever

Imagine the reverse.. I’m invitted somewhere and I’m not sure they’ll have wine with the meal so I always bring my own bottle of wine because I enjoy it

What would people think? Normal? Alcoholic? Pretentious? Stuck in their ways (a good meal has to have alcohol?)
I doubt most people will not find it weird tbh.

People bring wine all the time to dinner parties.

Crockof · 02/07/2021 09:37

I suppose it's hard to evaluate the health risks of moderate drinking against that of regular consumption of sweetened caffeinated drinks. But obesity/diabetes/tooth decay/increased risk of heart disease are high of the list

It's not. And why are you measuring moderate alcohol against regular fizzy drinking?

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 09:41

I think I'd offer a choice of two soft drinks. There's always fruit juice in the house anyway. So maybe a good lemonade - the kind made with actual lemons - or something like San Pellegrino. I regard Shloer as rather like Blue Nun. It's rather sweet and a bit chemical - there's a lot more choice in non-alcoholic stuff now. Currently on Sainsburys alcohol free Pilsner for the football!

cantgetmyheadroundit · 02/07/2021 09:53

[quote bongbigboobingbongbing]@cantgetmyheadroundit OP asked for my opinion so I'm giving it? That's how discussion forums work [/quote]
Well yes, I'm aware of that. What I mean is, why do you care so much what other people drink with their meal?

Vanityfairest · 02/07/2021 10:07

I wouldn’t take my own soft drinks to peoples houses, I usually take beers, wine, Prosecco or something for the host (depending on what they like) if I’m not drinking I will have water or whatever soft drink I’m offered. I wouldn’t be offended if you brought it to mine I suppose. I would rather you had a nice time and have the things you like. I would remember for next time though so you wouldn’t need to bring it again.

When I’m hosting I do try to have a mix of alcohol and soft drink options, one of my friends drinks Pepsi max, the other Diet Coke so I always make sure I’ve got those in, I do try to pay attention to what my friends drink, harder I guess if it’s someone you aren’t used to having over.

Crolisd · 02/07/2021 10:09

I think the problem people are having here is that it’s not particularly sophisticated to turn up to a dinner party with some fizzy pop. Who cares?!

I’m feeling very lucky to have friends who wouldn’t give a monkeys if I turned up with a can of monster and bag of crisps if that’s what I fancied (although in fairness I have never tested this theory out) - we are just there to enjoy each other’s company which is even more relevant given the last year!

moreofthisagain · 02/07/2021 10:31

People bring wine all the time to dinner parties

But they bring wine as a contribution to the table, to share, or as a thank you to the hosts. You don't bring wine just for your own personal consumption. I wouldn't even expect that the wine I brought would be opened at the dinner, and would leave it for the hosts to enjoy later if it wasn't.

Crolisd · 02/07/2021 10:49

@moreofthisagain

People bring wine all the time to dinner parties

But they bring wine as a contribution to the table, to share, or as a thank you to the hosts. You don't bring wine just for your own personal consumption. I wouldn't even expect that the wine I brought would be opened at the dinner, and would leave it for the hosts to enjoy later if it wasn't.

But so is OP. She’s bringing a large bottle that can be shared. Presumably if the host offers another similar fizzy drink then she’ll have that it she wants to ensure there will be a fizzy drink available (just as you would with your wine)

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 11:09

Being extremely old I can remember having to say grace at primary school before lunch.

'For what I am about to receive may the Lord make me truly thankful.'

It probably had an effect on me. The underlying message is that to be given food and drink is a blessing which is not to be taken for granted. When you go out to a meal one of the things you do is receive the food and drink, which somebody has kindly provided for you. It may not be exactly to your taste - but unless you have allergies and/or ethical/religious reasons for refusing a particular dish or beverage - the 'graceful' and mature thing to do is appreciate the hospitality that's been offered.

SpacePug · 02/07/2021 11:25

I think it's okay, my friend brings cans of pepsi Max every single time I hang out with her at my house. Could be a coffee in the garden or takeaway & drinks on Friday night but she always brings her own cans of pepsi Max (as well as drinking tea/coffee/alcohol I offer). Pepsi Max is a basically all she drinks at home

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 11:27

@JennieLee

Being extremely old I can remember having to say grace at primary school before lunch.

'For what I am about to receive may the Lord make me truly thankful.'

It probably had an effect on me. The underlying message is that to be given food and drink is a blessing which is not to be taken for granted. When you go out to a meal one of the things you do is receive the food and drink, which somebody has kindly provided for you. It may not be exactly to your taste - but unless you have allergies and/or ethical/religious reasons for refusing a particular dish or beverage - the 'graceful' and mature thing to do is appreciate the hospitality that's been offered.

I think that's still valid today. But it's also graceful for others to contribute and bring a simply drink of their choice to the table to share also. Is that not the very definition of grace? To freely share and enjoy the pleasures of dining together in friendship rather than than bickering, or feeling offended?

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 11:32

Oh yes, you give too.

But I suppose the kind of giving that implies what you are about to receive is inadequate, is better avoided.

VerticalHorizon · 02/07/2021 11:35

In the case of a simple drink, I don't think it's about inadequacy, I think it's about feeling comfortable enough amongst friends that you can bring the drink, and also, being mindful that the host might not always have it, you're helping out.

I think it would be a stretch to feel it was a measure of inadequacy for someone to bring a very inexpensive bottle of pop!

catfeets · 02/07/2021 12:02

I don't think you're rude at all. I don't like wine, beer or water so that leaves me struggling a lot of the time with having something to drink at other people's houses.
I also don't like coffee, tea or (most) fruit juice.
Surely taking something with me is less weird than saying no to everything they offer. Or pretending I'm not thirsty which I did a lot when I was younger.

I don't eat out a lot at other people's houses so probably the reason no one has told me it's weird (ex husband was the same so his family were used to it). I usually just drop into conversation that I'll bring a couple of bottles of X with me.

PerveenMistry · 02/07/2021 12:35

@yummytum

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

Yes. One accepts what the host offers; it's rude to imply the hospitality is inadequate by bringing your own food or drink.

Surely you can get by through one meal without your preferred beverage?

Original poster

yummytum · 02/07/2021 12:40

@JennieLee

Being extremely old I can remember having to say grace at primary school before lunch.

'For what I am about to receive may the Lord make me truly thankful.'

It probably had an effect on me. The underlying message is that to be given food and drink is a blessing which is not to be taken for granted. When you go out to a meal one of the things you do is receive the food and drink, which somebody has kindly provided for you. It may not be exactly to your taste - but unless you have allergies and/or ethical/religious reasons for refusing a particular dish or beverage - the 'graceful' and mature thing to do is appreciate the hospitality that's been offered.

Well, that sounds like a load of waffle to me. A glass of a fizzy drink whilst enjoying all the lovely food that's been prepared isn't not accepting what I've been offered and graciously having it

OP posts:

Mymapuddlington · 02/07/2021 13:01

OP - am I rude to do this?!
Mumsnet - it’s a bit weird
OP - no it’s not, I’m right, you’re wrong.

What’s the point in asking for opinions if you don’t want to hear them?! It’s weird, you take fizzy pop everywhere like an addict, you can’t manage one meal with whatever the host has, your husband has said it makes people feel uncomfortable and you completely disregarded his feelings and his parents feelings because like a child you need your ‘fizzy’ it’s ridiculous.

DrCoconut · 02/07/2021 13:04

I've always known it as rude to turn up empty handed? You should always arrange to take a bottle, pudding or something. I've got to admit that as a non alcohol drinker it wouldn't always occur to me to buy alcohol for a dinner or barbecue. It's just not on my radar the same as buying vegan burgers just wouldn't feature if you are all serious carnivores.

Original poster

yummytum · 02/07/2021 13:08

@Mymapuddlington

OP - am I rude to do this?! Mumsnet - it’s a bit weird OP - no it’s not, I’m right, you’re wrong.

What’s the point in asking for opinions if you don’t want to hear them?! It’s weird, you take fizzy pop everywhere like an addict, you can’t manage one meal with whatever the host has, your husband has said it makes people feel uncomfortable and you completely disregarded his feelings and his parents feelings because like a child you need your ‘fizzy’ it’s ridiculous.

Except, it's a real mixture of replies in reality most posters haven't said it's odd

OP posts:

CafetiereOrEspressino · 02/07/2021 13:13

"Except, it's a real mixture of replies in reality hmm most posters haven't said it's odd"

I think you are just interpreting what you want to interpret OP. The point is a significant amount of people think it is odd, so why would you want to commit social faux pas?

Original poster

yummytum · 02/07/2021 13:15

@CafetiereOrEspressino Because most people haven't said it's odd/weird/whatever else. And the people who say it's fine speak the most sense - Because they'd want their guest to be comfortable!

I wouldn't dream of wanting someone to leave something they really want with their meal if it's what they like. As a host, you want your guest to be happy, no? Seems very silly to turn your nose up and judge over a bottle of drink

OP posts:

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 13:20

Just musing on the significance of names here.

yummytum doesn't sound terribly grown up somehow. I think sometimes - especially when trying to help young children learn how to behave - it's useful to be able to do the grown up stuff, and show a bit of flexibility. Not at a family picnic or barbecue, as others have said. But when socialising with people you know a little less well.

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 02/07/2021 13:21

And the people who say it's fine speak the most sense

And people who think it's a bit childish/clunky/whatever (like your DH) are just plain wrong then, I assume?

So why even both with the thread?

CafetiereOrEspressino · 02/07/2021 13:22

sorry but also a lot of other people did say it is weird, and implies you might not be happy with what is being offered.

Perhaps the lessons for you here OP, is that if you are potentially causing a situation that could offend your host, the right thing to do is not to be stubborn and defensive for the sake of your satisfaction with a fizzy drink; but to take what is offered, and sacrifice one of your meals. i wouldnt take the risk basically. But each to their own...

DonLewis · 02/07/2021 13:28

As a host, I'd be thrilled if you bought what you wanted to drink. I'd also probably make a mental note of it and make sure I had some in for next time.

I couldn't give two hoots about what you bring. If I've invited you for dinner it's you I want to see. Imagine being so uptight about someone who loves drinking fanta limon bought some fanta limon and then drank it.

Total non issue.

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

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