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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 02/07/2021 07:17

I didn't realise pop was something that hindered you from being wise Grin

Crockof · 02/07/2021 07:18

BlueCowWonders so it's wiser to drink alcohol with its addictive properties, wiser to drink alcohol which causes more deaths a year in the UK than drugs?

Crockof · 02/07/2021 07:19

I don't know why but I've found the responses on this thread irrationally annoying and I don't even drink coke!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
saraclara · 02/07/2021 07:20

What with this and the 'what time do you turn up for dinner' thread, I see that MN is having a particularly snobby and up itself day.

saraclara · 02/07/2021 07:21

@Crockof

I don't know why but I've found the responses on this thread irrationally annoying and I don't even drink coke!
Same here! I don't drink any fizzy drinks! But the shaming of those that do, appalls me.
Mandalay246 · 02/07/2021 07:22

There are some really strange posts on here! I would have thought it perfectly normal to take something you would like to drink OP, especially as you are taking enough for others to share. Some posters seem to live in very hidebound worlds.

Dozycuntlaters · 02/07/2021 07:29

Wouldn't bother me at all. I only go round friends houses for dinner if they are people who I know well and feel comfortable with. There are some very strange people on MN, with very odd standards. I think I must live in another planet sometimes when I read certain replies on here, mind boggling.

Travielkapelka · 02/07/2021 07:37

I commented earlier that I found it weird to bring your own soft drinks. However, I find it weirder that people don’t buy in a selection for a dinner party and I never knew Coke was looked down on as a dinner drink. As well as wine - red pink and white, I’ll always have some beers, gin, maybe some fizz and a selection of bottled still water, bottled sparkling, some diet cokes and probably a nice juice. It’s weirder to me that people don’t do that!

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 02/07/2021 07:39

So many people on this thread are odd.

It really seems as though some people who would consider themselves absolutely amazing hosts and consummate throwers of dinner parties, rather than buying a soft drink option or accepting it being bought for them, would prefer their guests:

A) Force themselves to drink alcohol even if they don't like/can't tolerate it
B) Happily accepted being given warm tap water by a begrudging host in punishment for not drinking the specially selected and perfectly paired wine

That doesn't make you a good host in my eyes and wouldn't make for an enjoyable experience on the part of your guests.

ChocOrange1 · 02/07/2021 07:46

@Findahouse21

It's a bit why taking wine is viewed as offensive - you're suggesting the host won't have a drink you like and so hasn't thought of your needs. I wouldn't think it through that much and wouldn't be too bothered. But I imagine it is the reason that you have offended some
I've never heard of bringing a bottle of wine being offensive. The opposite, actually
Crockof · 02/07/2021 07:46

Agree with both halfshrunk and kapelka

Great Hosting isn't about showing off how refined you are but making sure your guests are happy.

Crockof · 02/07/2021 07:48

ChocOrange I missed that post. Wine offensive Grin

Thank fuck my friends aren't so precious.

saraclara · 02/07/2021 07:50

Yep. A good host makes sure that their guests are happy, comfortable, and enjoy their evening.
A dinner with friends isn't an episode of Masterchef.

And FFS, the OP is about eating with family. That should absolutely be about warmth and cheerfulness. Not snobbiness.

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 02/07/2021 07:50

I wouldn't care, but I would expect you to be happy to share it, just like any other drinks or food someone might bring along to a dinner party.

I've never heard of it being rude to bring a bottle of wine along. That seems ridiculous to me.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/07/2021 07:52

I'm wondering if you've been to mine for dinner, because I've been known to offer tonic water to people who've asked for fizzy pop, because we don't drink it so never used to have any in.

We now do buy it if we have guests and then what doesn't get drunk usually ends up cluttering the fridge up before it goes down the sink.

But I really wouldn't mind someone bringing their own, because it would save me having to remember to get some, most of which would get wasted, if I could think 'yummytum likes diet coke, but always brings her own'.

Mookie81 · 02/07/2021 07:53

@PurpleRainDancer

You ‘put it in the fridge’ OP. You sound a bit obsessive Hmm
How is it obsessive to want a cold drink? Hmm
SmileyClare · 02/07/2021 07:55

It's also about being a good guest though. It's a little fussy to bring your special fizzy to everyone's house. You've made the assumption that you won't enjoy their meal without washing it all down with Pepsi.

There was a contestant on Come Dine with me who turned up at each meal with his plastic carrier bag containing his fizzy coke and his own bottle of ketchup. He couldn't face any meal without! Most of the other guests laughed at his quirk but it was a bit odd.

Hairymoohead · 02/07/2021 07:56

@Crockof

I don't know why but I've found the responses on this thread irrationally annoying and I don't even drink coke!
I feel the same - the irony of wine drinkers judging Coke drinkers, as the youth would say what the actual fuck? Neither are what anyone would call healthy drinks. Ever think that some people are just horrible hosts - invite people round and get their kicks from being mean and picky about their guest's social failings. Jeez!
WeAreTheWeirdosMister · 02/07/2021 08:49

I might start doing this, I often go to my mums and MILS and they have diet versions of everything which I don't like the taste of Grin

NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost · 02/07/2021 08:53

It’s not about the fact it’s Coca Cola or whatever

Imagine the reverse.. I’m invitted somewhere and I’m not sure they’ll have wine with the meal so I always bring my own bottle of wine because I enjoy it

What would people think? Normal? Alcoholic? Pretentious? Stuck in their ways (a good meal has to have alcohol?)
I doubt most people will not find it weird tbh.

JennieLee · 02/07/2021 08:58

Quite a few contributors are people who don't drink alcohol. But a lot of us prefer water or soft drinks that aren't heavily caffeinated/carbonated.

When I went to dinner with people who drank heavily I'd sometimes not buy wine - as they had plenty. But would tend to then take the sort of soft drink that seems 'like' wine. Fentimans - that sort of stuff. Which I thought other people who were not going to want to drink so much might enjoy.]

I suppose it's hard to evaluate the health risks of moderate drinking against that of regular consumption of sweetened caffeinated drinks. But obesity/diabetes/tooth decay/increased risk of heart disease are high of the list.

As many people profoundly wish they weren't overweight reducing the consumption of sweetened drinks is a good way to start.

Malin52 · 02/07/2021 09:22

For those of you who think it's poor hosting to not have soft drinks in what the hell do you buy?
Some people don't want sugar
Some people don't drink 'diet things'
Some people only want orange things or Vimto or lemonade
Some only want speciality sparkling water
Some only want red bull.

I'm not stocking my house with litres of stuff that won't get touched. In which case I need the guest to tell me or bring their own preferably.

At least with alcohol drinkers you usually get it right 99% of times if you have red and white wine and some beers (and gin).

I once stocked up with ginger beer and a posh rose lemonade for a pregnant friend. She scrutinised the ingredients, rejected them and sat grimly with some tap water. Then drank the wine anyway...

burnoutbabe · 02/07/2021 09:23

I'd probably take a bottle of shloer if I was attending (or say to the host -I am not drinking much these days, shall I bring along some shloer, so they can provide if desired)

I probably wouldn't ever take a bottle of Diet Coke as that doesn't seem a dinner party drink (maybe for a bbq)

Crockof · 02/07/2021 09:34

@burnoutbabe

I'd probably take a bottle of shloer if I was attending (or say to the host -I am not drinking much these days, shall I bring along some shloer, so they can provide if desired)

I probably wouldn't ever take a bottle of Diet Coke as that doesn't seem a dinner party drink (maybe for a bbq)

But why, I mean this is the epitome of snobbery. A fizzy sugar filled drink in a glass bottle is acceptable but a fizzy sugar filled in a plastic isn't. Would it be OK if coke was in those individual bottles?
DifferentHair · 02/07/2021 09:34

I wouldn't be offended but I'd honestly think it was a bit eccentric and childish.

It's one dinner! if you're staying for a week I can see bringing your preferred food and drink ...maybe, depending on how well you knew the hosts. But for one meal I'd just have a glass of water if I didn't like the other options.