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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
Lovewinemorethanhusband · 01/07/2021 22:31

Wouldn't bother me at all, my husbands a snob when it comes to fizzy and doesn't drink alcohol either so if a barbecue or something he'll buy cans that he likes to take with us and I take 2 bottles of wine as I'm fully aware I'll drink 1 and then will leave the other there !. If people are your friends they'll get it, I always take food for my youngest as well as she has allergies and it makes me feel safer knowing what she's eating

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2021 22:31

Honest to God the fuss some people make over nothing.

I wouldn't give a tiny mouse sized fart if you brought your own drink OP, in fact if I knew you liked a certain drink I'd make sure I got some in for you.

Even more so if you were my daughter in law!

BrownEyedGirl80 · 01/07/2021 22:35

Is it pepsi max?

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YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 01/07/2021 22:35

I would privately & momentarily think you had the tastebuds of a child but I would ask you if you need to chill the bottle, needed ice and slice and whether you wanted a tumbler or a hi-ball.

I would also point you towards the other ‘mixers’ on offer & tell you to help yourself if and when yours ran out.

And that would be the last time I thought about your choice (other than offering a refill).

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 22:36

@BrownEyedGirl80

Is it pepsi max?
Who's this Max fella?
vagmons · 01/07/2021 22:36

Woah. This is insane. I suspect many of the people frothing about someone bringing soft drinks are the same ones who feel really uncomfortable around non-drinkers because of their own unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Which - let’s not forget - is an actual poison.

Crack on OP. My DH always makes sure I have something lovely to drink when we go for dinner. Which I think is thoughtful and kind.

Ylvamoon · 01/07/2021 22:36

OP do what you feel comfortable with.

But you would be surprised if you come to my house for a dinner party. Firstly, there is probably no space in the fridge for your bottle... so it will have to go to the utility room fridge guarded by the snappy doggy! So retrieving it would be dangerous.
Secondly I like some beer / wine but I always have a soft drink option in addition to (fizzy) water. So this could be anything from coke to fanta or just apple juice with fizzy water!
So yep I would think you are a bit rude (If it looks like you are not interested in sharing) and I would be slightly offended by your odd behaviour.

BrilliantBetty · 01/07/2021 22:37

Do you think people are odd to bring their preferred wine?

Tricky one. Not odd in the slightest but the host may well have chosen the wine specifically to compliment the food so it would be 'odd' if the guest demanded the wine they had brought, rather than accepting the wine offered by the host (chosen specifically). And wine is often a gift to the host in these situations so would potentially be put to one side for another time. If I brought a bottle of wine to a dinner party I would not necessarily expect it to be opened that evening.

If it was a very casual thing then wheyhey anything goes Smile

Regularsizedrudy · 01/07/2021 22:39

I wouldn’t care but I would probably wonder if you had some picky eating issue going on. Diet Coke and wkd? It’s all a bit 14 year old at the park type vibe. A second host would have a non alcoholic option so it kind of seems like your preemptively turning your nose up at that.

CarnationCat · 01/07/2021 22:39

Not rude at all. You're taking it for yourself and others to share. Just like taking a bottle of wine. I would in no way be offended.

Regularsizedrudy · 01/07/2021 22:39

Decent *

FredAstairesChair · 01/07/2021 22:41

IfI were the host, the first time this happened I would say 'Oh you should have said before, I'd have got you some X (whatever it was)'

The second time I'd have just bought it.

Then you could always say 'oh don't worry, I'll bring my own' if you preferred.
Nothing offensive about it.

UserX · 01/07/2021 22:48

putting it in the fridge whilst telling the host they can have some if they like is a bit forward. If I was hosting a dinner I wouldn’t want anyone messing with my fridge in the run up and certainly not telling me what I could have.

It’s not the drink, it’s your delivery as you’ve described it above that’s rude and presumptuous.

SarahAndQuack · 01/07/2021 22:49

Rude.

Same as bringing your own wine then saying you're going to drink it is rude. Same as pouring salt on without tasting/asking for ketchup.

It's different if you're allergic to something, but if not, it's just basic manners to try eating and drinking what the host provides.

Travielkapelka · 01/07/2021 22:54

I would find it really odd but then I’ve never heard of people bringing their own drinks to a dinner. Sure, a bottle of wine as a gift but not a drink that’s they’ve brought for them to drink

PepsiMax91 · 01/07/2021 22:56

HRTFT but in my own family

Fyi we don't have a kettle i threw it out when i sick of cleaning it during covid I only kept it for sproadic visitors beforehand

Mum - only drinks full fat coca cola or coffee
Dad - lemonade any type really (booze / juice / water)
My nan is a LITERALLY diet coke only woman
Sister is an energy can drinker (monster and all that shite)
BIL - water or beer
Brother - booze, redbull (specifically the brand)
SIL - shes basically 90% alcohol but her mixer would be diet pepsi flat. Yes we used to buy a bottle open it and leave it so it went flat

All the cousins friends kiddos ect dont matter I know what they all drink but..

I like Pepsi max, my partner likes pepsi max

Therefore we buy pepsi max. We have the basic squash / milk / orange juice / water always in anyway

If we are hosting any type of evening/ dinner/ bbq then i will try my hardest to get everyones choices of pop but sometimes I forget and tbh so much of it goes to waste because of people's different preferences

These days im a sturdy 'throwing a bbq ill give you the food the fun the booze - if you want mixers its pepsi max only or bring your own & take it home!'

I think i could only feel greatful someones saved me cash or a last minute trip to the expensive co op because actually Id rather drink -insert name-

Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat · 01/07/2021 23:00

What YellowandGreenToBeSeen said really.

In years of dinner parties thus far, I haven't encountered anyone bringing a bottle of Coke with them, but obviously it wouldn't be an issue.

I suppose it would cross my mind that someone who only drinks Coke with dinner might be less keen on the kind of food I'd usually serve!

I'd be a bit surprised if someone turned up with a 2 litre bottle of Coke to a dinner party, but not offended. Offence would be silly.

EmmaOvary · 01/07/2021 23:04

Personally I find it odd to drink sugary fizzy drinks with meals. And if you're invited to dinner, choosing to drink that is a bit insulting to your host, but that might just be because I'm french and it is a big no-no, wine or water only. Otherwise the thinking is, you're ruining the taste of the food.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 23:05

@EmmaOvary

Personally I find it odd to drink sugary fizzy drinks with meals. And if you're invited to dinner, choosing to drink that is a bit insulting to your host, but that might just be because I'm french and it is a big no-no, wine or water only. Otherwise the thinking is, you're ruining the taste of the food.
Yes that is traditional thinking...

but why should grape juice be ok with food, but orange juice not be?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 01/07/2021 23:08

I'm quite glad I don't know any posh people now. Around here it's perfectly acceptable to bring your own drink be it alcoholic or non alcoholic. It's actually expected that you bring your own alcohol.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 23:10

Substance over style. Friendship over facades...

EmmaOvary · 01/07/2021 23:13

@VerticalHorizon Grape...juice...? Oh! clutches French pearls and faints dead away

Staffy1 · 01/07/2021 23:15

I wouldn’t think anything of it. Don’t know why anyone would think it was in any way rude or strange at all.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 23:15

[quote EmmaOvary]**@VerticalHorizon* Grape...juice...? Oh! clutches French pearls and faints dead away*[/quote]
Of course, ultimately this is the truth. I being a devil, but there is truth to it.

saraclara · 01/07/2021 23:16

The weird thing is that OP has to take her bottle of fizzy to her MIL's. Surely by now, MIL should know what OP likes to drink, and have it in for her.

My DDs' partners drink stuff that I don't, and wouldn't normally buy. But I make sure I have some in when they're coming over. I want them to enjoy their time here, enjoy their meals, and feel at home.