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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:36

Ting Ting

Dessert is served.

It's Orange Jaffa cakes.

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:38

@VerticalHorizon

Ting Ting

Dessert is served.

It's Orange Jaffa cakes.

Perfect - we'll have some after dinner conversation too, like 'Is it a cake or is it a biscuit?'
SallySycamore · 01/07/2021 21:38

Do you think people are odd to bring their preferred wine?

Yes I would. You take wine as a thank you gift for the host, so you take their choice, not your own.

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Polkadots2021 · 01/07/2021 21:38

I think when any of us get to the point where we're genuinely offended by a mate coming over with a bottle of fizzy pop then we've got bigger problems going on than the actual fizzy pop.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:40

Perfect - we'll have some after dinner conversation too, like 'Is it a cake or is it a biscuit?'

This can only be determined by extensive research.
Another Jaffa dear?

Stumpedasatree · 01/07/2021 21:40

The clue is in the name surely?! Not a Biscuit obvs.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:40

@Polkadots2021

I think when any of us get to the point where we're genuinely offended by a mate coming over with a bottle of fizzy pop then we've got bigger problems going on than the actual fizzy pop.
Hear hear
DragonflyFairy · 01/07/2021 21:41

I am a fizzy drink drinker and don't enjoy alcohol, tap water or tea/coffee and would find 'cordial' (squash to normal people!) boring all evening. However...
If a host and I dont know each other well, I wouldn't take my own drinks, I would take a bottle of wine/flowers as a thank you. I'd then drink whatever soft drinks they have, even if not to my taste. This is normal, polite behaviour.
If the host knows me, I would hope they might provide something to drink that I like. Just as I buy alcohol/hot drinks for my guests who I know drink this. This is also normal, polite behaviour.

Luckily my friends and family are lovely and make sure there are drinks I like, as I do for them and there isnt any of the weird fizzy drink snobbery found here!
(I suppose those of us who drink fizzy drinks, and not alcohol, could judge and sneer at our tipsy, liver killing friends making idiots of themselves...but we don't as we love them and accept everyone has different tastes!)

HelloBunny · 01/07/2021 21:41

I bring my own fizzy water. The host then knows that I don’t want any wine, and I can crack on with my water.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:41

@Stumpedasatree

The clue is in the name surely?! Not a Biscuit obvs.
Why take any chances?

hands jaffa cake over for a second opinion

Baystard · 01/07/2021 21:42

Do you think people are odd to bring their preferred wine?

Yes if they want to drink it instead of what I've provided. No if they brought something they know is nice as a gift to the host.

I always take wine I like for the host because I know it's nice and it would be thoughtless to just lift any old bottle.

strawberrydonuts · 01/07/2021 21:43

I think it depends partly on whose house you are going to... e.g. if it's something like a dinner party with friends who are cooking something nice for you, maybe take something on the posher/ more grown up end of non-alcoholic, not fanta/ coke for example but something you could put alongside wine as a more adult drink.

If just going round to a friend's place for a movie/ takeaway or something then take whatever!

It's all about context. I would find it a bit weird for an adult to be so attached to their Fanta or Sprite that they had to bring it to a dinner party. But I'd probably think the same if someone brought Strongbow. Just bring something appropriate for the event whether alcoholic or not.

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:44

Why take any chances?

hands jaffa cake over for a second opinion

Why, thank you. Don't mind if I do...

LadyDanburysCane · 01/07/2021 21:44

I always take my own soft drinks with me. I have to be careful as I react to artificial sweeteners and these days the vast majority of soft drinks contain them and actually make me very ill.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:46

I think there is a different between bringing a specific wine because it meets your specific delicate tastes, and bringing a form of drink that your host simply may not have.

The former has a slight air of 'because you wine's a bit crap', whilst the latter just says 'cos you tend not to have fizzy drinks'.

It's not helped with wine having a reputation for snobbery.
I'd probably feel the same if someone brought their own specific coffee too. It might be a valid thing, but the 'snobbery' aspect is hard to overlook too.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:48

Say what you like, but Jaffa Cakes and Blue Nun is a winning combination.

Not sure about the Dairy Lee though. Maybe you're supposed to take the foil off first?

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:48

*lea

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:49

@VerticalHoirzon

Now we've had dessert, I hope you have some Mellow Birds for me..If not, don't worry, I've brought my own.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:51

[quote tealappeal]@VerticalHoirzon

Now we've had dessert, I hope you have some Mellow Birds for me..If not, don't worry, I've brought my own.[/quote]
Never mind that, I've got Camp Coffee!!!

MunroBagger · 01/07/2021 21:52

@strawberrydonuts

Posher / more grown up?
Does taking a glass bottle of Coke rather than a plastic bottle count?

TokenGinger · 01/07/2021 21:55

I wouldn't find it rude in the slightest. Though as a host, I would always ask in advance if there's anything in particular guests would like so I can have it available. I'm probably more aware of that though because I'm teetotal myself so want to make sure others have something they'd enjoy.

Fennellathewitch · 01/07/2021 21:56

I'm glad I'm not in some of your social or family circles, must be hard to have fun when you're bums so clenched up, over a fizzy drink.

Doghead · 01/07/2021 21:57

It does seem a little childlike tbh

Crazycrazylady · 01/07/2021 21:58

I wouldn't be offended op as a hostess but even as a Diet Coke addict I'm not sure I'd have the balls to rock on to a dinner party with a bottle under my arm.
My family all get it in for me though so but I definitely wouldn't do someone I didn't know that well .
I'd be embarrassed for some reason that i can't explain.

DuckonaBike · 01/07/2021 22:00

Am I the only person who read the OP and assumed fizzy drink meant champagne? Or at least prosecco? Grin 🥂

I think the only real problem with taking Coke (for example)is that it’s a bit weird to drink it with food, unless you’re a child. Most adults would have wine / beer / water / or maybe a more “adult” soft drink that’s less sweet. So a pernickety host might feel that their carefully chosen food was being slighted. I’d think it was eccentric rather than rude though!