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Original poster

Is it rude to do this when invited for dinner?

624 replies

yummytum · 01/07/2021 18:47

I often bring my own bottle of fizzy drink when going to someone else's house for dinner.

There's been a few situations over the years where I just don't know the host enough to know if they'll have a fizzy.

Anyway, I'm off to MIL's for a dinner tomorrow night and H questioned me in the car, saying 'Oh you're not bringing a bottle of drink are you? People must feel really uncomfortable'.

I said I am! It's what I like to have with my food. He just looked very Hmm

Am I really rude to do this? Is it some unspoken etiquette? If it helps, I don't announce it's for sharing but I do always say 'Got this with me, you're welcome to some' to the person standing by whilst I put it in the fridge

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 01/07/2021 21:08

I think some of the posters have forgotten what it's like to host because of all the restrictions.

And that as a host you provide food and refreshment to meet the requirements of your guests (within reason of course).
Good hosts like to find out if there's anything in particular they enjoy, and not just the food. Just in the same way they ask if there's anything you don't like or even can have.

They don't invite people over give them whatever and the guest to put up and just eat/drink whatever is provided. If they not going to cater to everyone, then it shouldn't be surprising that people will eventually either stop accepting your invites, or turn up with those missing items.

And if you're sitting there silently accepting this, why?

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:09

dID sOmeoNE jUsT hAvE a DiG aT wIne dRinKinG?

HoW vErY DaRE thEY! hic!

JudgeJ · 01/07/2021 21:09

@Blueroses99

I think hosts often forget to cater for nice non-alcoholic drinks. If that’s the case then I think it’s fine to have your preferred drink to hand rather than just water.
That's very true, one's made to feel weird for not wanting alcohol!

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gumball37 · 01/07/2021 21:11

The shit people get upset over amazes me. I have never been offended by a visitor bringing their own drinks, snacks, whatever.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:11

Any household not serving Blue Nun with dinner doesn't deserve guests!

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:12

@VerticalHorizon

Any household not serving Blue Nun with dinner doesn't deserve guests!
Now what would you pair it with..?
Baystard · 01/07/2021 21:13

This is MN, where lots of people drink a bottle of wine a night

I don't really get this, wine isn't a homogenous liquid, there are dozens of very different wines. If I go to a dinner party I don't turn up with my own bottle because I dont like what they're serving (though I bring something nice for the host). I drink the wine being served. Why do non-alcoholic drinkers expect their specific choice of drink to be catered for when wine drinkers don't expect to be able to specify what type of wine they'd like?

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:15

Now what would you pair it with..?

It would have to be Dairy Lea cheese and biscuits I think.

Hairymoohead · 01/07/2021 21:17

No not rude or weird - just what you like to drink - if I knew you had a preference I would buy it beforehand and let you know there was no need to bring it. Some people are bloody weird hosts!

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:17

Sounds like a perfect dinner party at your house @VerticalHorizon. When can I come round? Grin

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:18

What's important. The company of your guests, or the meal you are sharing?
For me, it's the company of guests, and whatever is shared is enjoyed by all because of each other's presence.

It's really hard to begrudge someone wanting a fizzy drink. In fact, I find it impossible to begrudge it.

irregularegular · 01/07/2021 21:18

It's not rude, but it does feel a bit odd. When I take something with me to dinner, it is not really for me, it is for the hosts. Sometimes the wine, chocolates etc are used that evening, but that's not the expected. And a bottle of my preferred fizzy drink is a strange thing to give the hosts!

It's a bit like taking something you like to eat in case they serve something you don't like!

Different if it is clearly the kind of event where everyone chips in with food and drink to share.

MunroBagger · 01/07/2021 21:19

Gosh I’m surprised at the amount of people who think this is rude or odd. I always take my preferred choice of soft drink with me when I go to family and friends. It has never crossed my mind that they would think I was rude. I always take plenty so that others can have some too if they want. I don’t drink alcohol, tea or coffee. It’s what I like to drink. It’s not any different from people enjoying tea, coffee or wine with or after their meal. I just appreciate that although most people will have tea and coffee in not everyone will have soft drinks so I bring my own. Yes I could drink water but I wouldn’t enjoy it so much. I’m not sure why anyone would be offended by this.

BigBadBoom · 01/07/2021 21:19

Some of these responses are bonkers. We don't tend to have fizzy drinks, so if you came for dinner and brought your own, then no problem! Then the next time you were invited I would get some in for you, so that you were catered for. Why are people so uptight 😂

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:19

@tealappeal

Sounds like a perfect dinner party at your house *@VerticalHorizon*. When can I come round? Grin
If you bring some Tizer, I'll get the metal cutlery out and we'll go posh!
Loyaultemelie · 01/07/2021 21:21

I bring all sorts of things to dinners I have lots of allergies so often can't eat or drink certain things plus then I feel awkward so bring loads for the rest too I'm like a Mrs Doyle on steroidsBlush. Pre covid I tended to just host it was easier, now I think I'll stick to being a hermit

tealappeal · 01/07/2021 21:21

If you bring some Tizer, I'll get the metal cutlery out and we'll go posh!

Deal!

Blueroses99 · 01/07/2021 21:21

@Baystard

This is MN, where lots of people drink a bottle of wine a night

I don't really get this, wine isn't a homogenous liquid, there are dozens of very different wines. If I go to a dinner party I don't turn up with my own bottle because I dont like what they're serving (though I bring something nice for the host). I drink the wine being served. Why do non-alcoholic drinkers expect their specific choice of drink to be catered for when wine drinkers don't expect to be able to specify what type of wine they'd like?

The alternative seems to be water, which isn’t really providing a specific drink at all. However if other soft drinks were on offer, it would be polite for the guest to have those instead of their own.
RainbowMumzy · 01/07/2021 21:22

@Donkydinky

I would understand if you were teetotal or recovering from addiction.

Otherwise, it's surely in that grey area where it's not exactly well bred, but it's not necessarily making anyone uncomfortable (unless you're insulting a hostess who has thought carefully about what hospitality to offer you). So whether or not it's rude is down to how much you care about having good manners as defined by keeping a set of rules, rather than good manners as defined by thoughtfulness for others.

I would say it's definitely pushy but if everyone knew you and your heart was in the right place generally, I'd accept it as idiosyncratic. If you were generally obnoxious, it would be more evidence of this. If you were a recovering addict, all rules go out the window.

Well bred? Fuck me Hmm
Greytminds · 01/07/2021 21:23

I can’t believe how ready so many people are to be offended. If someone brings a drink, whatever it is, I’d ask them what they would like to drink, tell them what I have available or ask them if they would prefer to have what they brought. No drama, no insult. Just different preferences or different ways of doing things.

All I’d hope is that people come to my house and feel comfortable, welcome and catered for. Not worried that I’m going to judge them for something so insignificant!

Happyhappyday · 01/07/2021 21:24

I would think it was weird. Like I like wine with a meal, but if I wasn’t offered it I would just drink water or whatever. I wouldn’t bring my own wine to ensure I had a steady supply. My also going to hold my hands up and say I’m super judgy about fizzy drinks. Not defending my position, I just find them gross and full of pointless sugar and chemicals. But you could say the same about wine! We are a water & coffee & occasional wine household, I would get fizzy drinks for a party but not otherwise. That said I feel like I know my guests usually well enough to know who will want what and have it on hand.

Juicyapple44 · 01/07/2021 21:25

My sister in law never caters for the non alcohol drinkers, she expects you to have water or tea. Yet you have to supply fruit tea for her ! So as I am usually driving when we go to hers i always take a few nice fizzy bottles with me and share with anyone else not drinking.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 01/07/2021 21:32

I wouldn’t give a shit tbh but I’m common as muck and have no shame admitting that. I don’t judge others and call them gauche or childish for having different tastes either, that’s way more gauche imo.

VerticalHorizon · 01/07/2021 21:34

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

I wouldn’t give a shit tbh but I’m common as muck and have no shame admitting that. I don’t judge others and call them gauche or childish for having different tastes either, that’s way more gauche imo.
You're not that common with posh words like 'gauche'
Nanny0gg · 01/07/2021 21:35

@BrilliantBetty

Hi I think I know you.

Are you my husband's friend's wife who always brings a large bottle of diet coke. And has diet coke in the car as well. I don't think it's rude but a bit strange? Is it really necessary to drink fizzy? Just drink water or whatever they are offering with the meal.

I would probably try and remove this habit before it become too ingrained.

Do you think people are odd to bring their preferred wine?
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