Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

Someone has to reply to this thread or I just sound insane

Yup. You’re insane!

None 😂

On your own, they made me laugh though

Dh will join in with any daft dance or ditty.
Not a rule though.

None. You're bonkers

Every time one of my kids says ‘I wonder’ the whole l family sings wa wa wa wa why you went away…..

We always sing along like the screaming goats to Adele’s song

There are loads more, don’t worry it’s not just you

If you're ever caught out, or behaving in any way sneakily (e.g. eyeing up the last chocolate), OR if anyone merely suggests that you might have had a sneaky thought, the ONLY response in our household is "ooooo you don't see many of those around do you?".

We have a “making things up” song for cooking going against recipe guidelines. It gets stuck in my head all the time!

We used to have a fridge chalkboard thing to jot down things needed in the next shop. I once wrote 'hummus?' with the question mark.

Now, a good ten, eleven years later, hummus has to be spoken like a question.

As we drive towards our hometown you have to shout ‘I see first!’

When we watch ‘Friends’ everyone must do a double clap at the appropriate time.

At bedtime, the first one up the stairs shouts ‘Last one up’s a rotten tomato!’.

Random words pronounced how they are on tv shows when something funny has come up:
Eg Blanket like Michael Jackson character on South Park, Cutlet like Moira Rose in Schitts Creek (chicken cutlet) etc etc

Also the SNL Simma down na/ summer Donna sketch when one of us thinks the other is getting a bit aggy

Every time one of my kids says ‘I wonder’ the whole l family sings wa wa wa wa why you went away…..

I love this. Actually you've just reminded me...when I was a kid NO ONE could say the phrase "How bizarre" without being sung at

I have to sing 'coffee machine' in a very singy-songy way, like coffee machinnnnnneee, whenever I use it, to warn DS. It's quite loud and he doesn't like it (in fairness, he's only 2.5)

not really rules, but habits

• having a bit of of kids' food/drink is mummy/daddy tax

• sometimes when I'm sharing out a treat they imitate the beaks of baby birds with their hands or of they really want something they pretend to be praying angels and sing a high pitched note.

both actions crack me up🤣

-whichever child brings me something (usually a drink or my phone) they bow and say "your highness".
DS1 & DS3 did that sometime last year as a joke, but then DS6 & DD copied it and now do it all the time. it's so funny.

-oh and when I ask them to do something the youngest 3 will stand up very straight, salute and say "Zingling reporting for duty!"😁

-if anyone says "how dare you?" the answer must be "quite easily"

we have lots more but can't think of anything else right now (falling asleep)

If one of us asks the other to make them a drink, the other one CANT refuse. This only works because we are very careful not to abuse the rule

You’re bonkers OP but in a good way. The only rule I can think of at the moment is that having a cat on your lap is top trumps and means you get waited on hand and foot without question.

one of my teenagers has recently started shouting "mummy, look what I've found!" and when I look he pulls out his hand from wherever (pocket, fridge, rucksack etc) and flips me the bird. I know I'm supposed to tell him off instead of doing it back, but it's hilarious.
especially that he's getting really creative and grins & laughs when he gets me again!

he and I also do this daft thing that when we search for something on Netflix/Prime/Disney+ or YouTube that the other wants to watch we just start typing in random letters while keeping a stone face. it's kind of like a dysfunctional robot parody.
of course the person wanting to watch the thing keeps saying "ok, very good, come on, stop it, that's enough" but the other mustn't stop or lose their composure.

I'm 5'4" and our 4 teenagers are all taller than me.
so when I ask them to reach for something they invariably start taking the piss in a mock baby voice: "awww, poor wittle mummy can't reach with her wittle arms, aww"

another one: so DS5 misheard the lyrics of "Annie are you ok? Are you ok Annie?" (Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson) as
"Annie are you wonky? Are you wonky Annie?"

so to honour that when someone hurts themselves or looks unwell we sing "Annie are you wonky? Are you wonky Annie?" but using their name. this is a recent one so we'll see if it lasts.

I live alone but I have a rule. I figured that I wouldn't want to live with someone that was messy, nor would I be messy if I lived with someone else, so why do I leave my own crap lying around only for my future self to have to pick it up later? Therefore I made a rule to be a good housemate to myself and try and always leave each room as I would like to find it.

As we drive towards our hometown you have to shout ‘I seefirst!’

DH and I always try to be the first to say "I see tje Sea" on our trips to the coast.

And even DS has joined in with yelling "campervan!!!" if we see a VW when we are driving. Although he is not good at recognising them

we have to yell horses, cows and sheep (well, sheeps now, thank Jezza) when we see them.
obviously I do this by habit even when kids are not in the car

If one of us has a bath, the other has to pop a fresh towel in the tumble drier for 5 minutes before you get out and then bring it up to you. Never do it for showers.

I'm 5'4" and our 4 teenagers are all taller than me.
so when I ask them to reach for something they invariably start taking the piss in a mock baby voice: "awww, poor wittle mummy can't reach with her wittle arms, aww"

I’m 5’3 and everyone bar the 7 & 5 year olds are taller than me.

The teens used to sing a couple of lines from Short People if I asked them to get anything down. Then it was my birthday and I got “Yo shorty…” and my reaction of thats so unfunny it’s funny has unfortunately made it stick.

They do the opposite to DH as he’s tall and will often random shout “Mind your head!” at him. They’ve made him jump in fright so many times. It’s hilarious.

DS1 used to be nicknamed Cinders for a while after he was (by coincidence) hoovering when DD1 and DD2 were going out to a party.
That lasted until the girls realised that he was so amused by it because they had inadvertently labelled themselves as the ugly sisters.

During a tough spell with one of the kids DH had a habit of starting sentences with “I am the one…” and one day one of the kids sing “AND ONLY…” and that’s stuck. Anyone saying it now gets sung at.

Also an old neighbour. Very snootily replied “why would you want to do that?” once when she’d asked our holiday plans. Now if you share nice plans for a day out or holiday someone will say “why would you want to do that”

The kids also have to give me advanced warning of eating oranges. I abhor the smell so they let me know so I can open a window or avoid them. It did start really politely, but is now “Orange alert!”

Not so family friendly but we have the sex pants, if he’s wearing them or throws them at me it’s a not so subtle hint. They were quite sexy new but they’re now quite faded and the juxtaposition makes me laugh.

I have 4 close friends with the same name. Even if it’s incredibly obvious which one I’m talking about, he has to ask ‘which one?’. It’s the rulez.
Crisps are always crip or crippage but that’s just embarrassing really. Oh and I have to take the piss out of him when he says eligible because he always says it more like illegible

6 page rule - if anyone is within 6 pages of finishing their book you may not interrupt them, bedtime will be delayed etc

All books are fair game but if a book is given as a birthday/Christmas gift the recipient must be allowed to be the first to read it.

We have several other book related rules too