Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

We have one house rule and if I ask my kids (they are 5 and 3) what my rule is, they have to chant it:

“If someone stops breathing, the game is over!”

You would think it would be obvious…

I'd say this is outing, but actually I'm not sure we've admitted it to anyone...

Any holiday has a "plan of jelly" - i e. we have a rough ideas of what we'll do, but it's malleable. See also "rock, paper, scissors" for who has to get up and turn off DD's light at night.

We don't get much...

Oh, and I forgot to add the rule that if you have a cat on your knee, the other person is on top up duty. Unless it's the rare occasion that they've both decided to show some affection, then it's back to "rock, paper, scissors".

We did it the other day to see who had to go and get the teas at DD's cricket match when we were both quite comfy, thank you, and got a lot of confused looks, yet it's the standard decider in our house.

When going in the fridge, you must say, while holding it "can I introduce you please, to a lump of cheddar cheese?"

Saying goodnight grandma, goodnight john boy.

Delicious snacks must be eaten in a snacky bowl.

If you don't like it, don't eat it.

Every time I leave the house with a member of my family, I say 'have you got the key?' 'have you got the secret? >
They all hate me. I, on the other hand, think I'm hilarious.

I started singing a made up song whenever DH makes coffee...it got more elaborate as we both developed accompanying dance moves...now 2 year old DD joins in with us!

I started singing a made up song whenever DH makes coffee...it got more elaborate as we both developed accompanying dance moves

Ha! Love it.

Whenever we drive somewhere with kids in the car we'll sing the song from Bob's Burgers. Buckle it up, buckle it up, buckle it up or else you'll diiiieee

When we have a debate and can't decide the winner sometimes we'll pass it off to the imaginary judges. Bloody slackers they are who never reach a verdict.
Or sometimes the judge will be our dog and he'll have to run to the winner. Extra points if he flops to the ground and gives the winner his belly.

Who does certain chores is more often than not decided by nerf gun battle.

If given a hot drink or cake you must sing (with one hand on your heart, looking deep into their eyes) Did you ever know that you're my heroooo

I always hated hearing whinging kids of others "but you promised!"
urgh. so tedious.

so I taught my kids early on that no, I won't promise anything and I reserve the right to change what we planned because life is unpredictable and I can't promise what I don't know.

so now if they want me to promise them things I just remind them:
"The only thing I promise you is that I'll always love you. Everything else is just a plan"

everything is a cue for a song!

When DH starts a sentence with "have" I always chime in with "have you met Ted?" (From how I met your mother)

Everything can be made into a song with toddler DD - walking up stairs, brushing teeth, getting dry after a bath

If anyone says "stop" it becomes a competition of how many song with stop in the title we can sing

On a car journey it's first to see the sea, Castle, whatever wins

When we go to Center Parcs in Penrith with the in laws, first one to turn into CP rings the other cars to sing "Robin hood" (goes back to when in laws used to go to Sherwood and it's just stuck)

In a car park, if you see a space you can drive through it's called a Louis (Theroux). "Keep going, there's a Louis down there!"

Garlic is always comma garlic (Friends)

Years ago on holiday, a couple in the restaurant we were in clinked their glasses after every top up. We now do the same and go "Portugal couple"

When I wash DS's face in the bath, he's been taught to say afterwards "My names Bill and I'm beautiful"

Trying to think of more!!

Dramatically and seriously announce 'you did this' or 'look what you did'.

Sometimes purposefully entering a room the other one is in just to do this. Or shout up the stairs.

Never an explanation of just what 'this' might be.

If anyone says hello we all sing back, "is it me you're looking for?" every single time.

Does that make you feel better?

I also talk to the cats way too much, and not even in a cutesy way, just my normal voice, having a conversation with a cat.

Miaow, yes I know you're hungry but you know what time breakfast is, it's not my fault you were late. DH often assumes I'm in a meeting when I'm actually just talking to a cat.

No potatoes under the sofa

@SmallGreenStripes

Every time one of my kids says ‘I wonder’ the whole l family sings wa wa wa wa why you went away…..

We always sing along like the screaming goats to Adele’s song

There are loads more, don’t worry it’s not just you

Our variation on this theme is to sing the generally forgotten song "Lemon Tree"

I wonder how, I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue, blue sky
But all that I could see was just a yellow lemon tree

My dd (5) used to be scared of being alone upstairs, even if she was going to the toilet she'd want company. So to make it more fun for me, Id go up and do different comedy characters appearing from behind a bedroom door. A forgetful old lady, a marketstall trader with useless goods, an ancient crocodile who only eats people who are asleep, a person who sounds exactly like a vampire but isnt one etc. We'd get a bit hysterical doing it and bathroom time took twice as long but it made her forget to be scared.

Just realised mine's sort of irrelevant to the thread! More relevant: winner of board game must say better luck next time, loser must say congratulations. Dd ruins it by adding 'loser!' onto both.

we have lots.
all the DC have a 'song' - an existing song that i've altered to include their name. We also have 'you have crazy crazy crazy crazy hair!' (Crazy nights by Kiss) which must be sung while brushing DD's hair.

we have 'the game' which is the standard answering with a quote from a film or song wherever possible - we get a lot of 'well thank you for that assessment Mr GoodTime' and 'you've got (any type of mark) on your nose, did you know?' we are big HP fans!

youngest DD has all instructions through the medium of the baby shark song.... 'get your shoes/go to bed/do not cry do do do do....'

DH and i use 'change approved' from Cougar town a lot.

also if someone asks for sometjing by just using the name of the object the other has to reply with something random: "car keys?" "Yes bicycle pump?"

So hard to put into writing but a few years ago DC were playing a game and DD almost got skipped, she very indignantly went "Excuse me, I haven't had a go yet!" Just the tone and way it came out was so funny. "Excuuuse me" in that tone has completely replaced any usual objection to anything in our house now! Someone eaten the last crisps? "Excuuuse me, who ate those?" Socks left on the stairs? "Excuuuse me, who left those there?"

In a car park, if you see a space you can drive through it's called a Louis (Theroux). "Keep going, there's a Louis down there!"

I'm stealing this one

@MazDazzle

As we drive towards our hometown you have to shout ‘I see ____ first!’

When we watch ‘Friends’ everyone must do a double clap at the appropriate time.

At bedtime, the first one up the stairs shouts ‘Last one up’s a rotten tomato!’.

OMG someone else does that double clap!!!! We love it!!!

"It's behind you" can only be said in a pantomime voice.

Family members leave the house by giving everyone a kiss, high five, and cuddle.

You can't go to bed unless you've told everyone goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite.

If anyone says the word jungle you have to sing the jungle boogie song.

surely the friends clap is a universal rule?!

also the weird alternative swearing gestures that they do?

No potatoes under the sofa

This one need context....