Tell me your house rules

[HangingOver]

Not the "no shoes indoors type", the quirky ones unique to your personalities.

In this house for example, you have to give an "Advanced Crisp Warning", or ACW.

The rule is that, although either party in the household is permitted to partake of the naice crisps whenever he or she chooses, they must give the other party an ACW if they finish the last bag in the house, as we both agree that the sense of crushing disappointment felt when one fancies and then subsequently discovers they cannot have naice crisps is something we don't want to inflict on one another.

We also have Dog Jingles, which are short bursts of song which have to be sung in the car when you spot a particular breed of dog (the jingle describes the characteristics of the breed - Golden Retrievers for example: "Just...So...Happy...To...BE HERE!" sung to jaunty "Taa-daa!" type tune).

Hit me with yours.

if someone asks what the time is then the answer is always (no matter what the time actually is) 'Time for lunch' it was in one of the kids programmes when they were little and now its stuck!
Also the answer (and this is a tradition from DH was small) to the questions 'whats for tea' is always 'poo and leaf pie'

We do the key and secret thing...."have you got the key", "no, but I've got the secret" - cue lots of laughing from the over 40s parent, and eye rolling from the youngsters.

My current favourite which we'd done for about a year is replying "showtime!" in a loud American accent whenever anyone asks what time it is. From Hamilton.

Got to get your kicks somehow

Lift raves. If we are the only people in the lift, we dance like we are at Berghain circa 2004. Our sons love it, especially when we are dressed in suits or DH in his national dress. Dog is assisted in dancing if she is also in the lift.

Obviously we don’t allow the bomb in the microwave to go off, we are not animals.

After many arguments over whose turn it was to scoop dcat’s litter tray, I instituted a poop rota. Poop days / poop free days can be gifted, traded, or wagered..

We have loads! Were a fairly sarky family so when someone says something particularly sarcastic the other person says sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and if wit was shit you wouldn't have enough to fill a bucket! My dad started that one. When everyone all gets together and are saying goodbye Kate,jack ect someone always pipes up goodbye/ Goodnight John boy. Same at bedtime. Trying to manoeuvre any furniture in and out of the house someone always shouts pivot. Anytime anyone says thank you it's met with your welcome in a sing songs moawi voice. My brother and I still do the shotgun rule now even as adults 🤣

We don't just clean our teeth in our house. We do our teeth with Keith, next to a thief underneath a leaf, whilst eating some beef. Everything has to either rhyme or have "-lington" as a suffix.

In a car park, if you see a space you can drive through it's called a Louis (Theroux). "Keep going, there's a Louis down there!"

We call that a 118 from those directory enquiries ads years ago:
"Straight through, 118?"
"Yes, 118."

Furniture removal requires 'pivot'

If anyone says 'i'm making a list' someone has to say 'have you checked it twice?'

If you skip your house chore, you have to take on one of the other person's chores the next day! If you swear past 4 times a day it's 20p per swear. We are a couple, no kids!

There’s a long standing rule that pants must be worn about the house. Was necessary when the DC were little.

We have a lot of rules about the use of the word “Wazzock” - the circumstances in which it can be used and the penalties for failing to observe them.

Also if anyone mentions that something needs to be “eked out” then we all go “Eek!” and throw our hands in the air.

I love the fact that so many people have these household traditions!

Whenever someone says "shall I put the telly on?" You have to shout "it won't fit you"

Anyone holding a guinea pig must be waited on.

Sometimes I do the "imaginary turn down service," so it's like being on holiday - you fold over the corner of the duvet, put the slippers by the bed, put a small chocolate on the pillow and a bottle of water on the bedside table. You also hang up the dressing gown with the arms folded behind and leave the tv with a beach scene/underwater screen saver playing, then come back into the room and act surprised to see how nice "housekeeping" have made it for you!

@UnwantedOpinionBelow I can't imagine being charged for swearing in my own home! But then I swear like a sailor on leave anyway. I blame my mother who wouldn't even allow crap, bloody or damn said in her presence haha.

Every night whoever takes the baby out of the bath wrapped in a towel, has to turn to the other and Bob the baby, while saying "thebabyjesus" , then on the way to the baby's room the baby holder also has to Bob to the dog as they walk past him and again say "thebabyjesus". She's a year old now and we have done it every single night since I can remember... not sure where it came from or why but now I've typed it out it seems especially weird

Lift raves. If we are the only people in the lift, we dance like we are at Berghain circa 2004

Definitely stealing this too

when I ask DH "fancy a cuppa?" he often answers "no, I fancy you"
😁

@eatingpopcorn

Every night whoever takes the baby out of the bath wrapped in a towel, has to turn to the other and Bob the baby, while saying "thebabyjesus" , then on the way to the baby's room the baby holder also has to Bob to the dog as they walk past him and again say "thebabyjesus". She's a year old now and we have done it every single night since I can remember... not sure where it came from or why but now I've typed it out it seems especially weird

I found this way too funny and also read 'thebabyjesus' in the voice of Jeremy clarkson.

I'd stake money on it being something from him!

@eatingpopcorn

Every night whoever takes the baby out of the bath wrapped in a towel, has to turn to the other and Bob the baby, while saying "thebabyjesus" , then on the way to the baby's room the baby holder also has to Bob to the dog as they walk past him and again say "thebabyjesus". She's a year old now and we have done it every single night since I can remember... not sure where it came from or why but now I've typed it out it seems especially weird

Love this! 😅

Picturesque has to be pronounced 'pict-ches-cue'. Fajitas has to be pronounced 'fa-jightas'. I have no idea why, but it is the law.

If anyone is brushing the kitchen floor they have to brush the cat he waits and gets under the brush head until you give in and brush him.
I once had a panini delivered to me in a Wetherspoons by a surly teen who practically dropped the plate and said “panini” in the deepest off hand voice. This has become the norm when delivering food to each other panini or otherwise
Whoever spits the sea first has to shout “peanut” we can’t remember why.

If anyone is brushing the kitchen floor they have to brush the cat he waits and gets under the brush head until you give in and brush him

Naaaaaaw

If there's an announcement at the beginning of a programme that there's going to be scenes of a sexual nature, we all cheer.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba
Your left out hob one gave me the ultimate sadness that one of mine never gets used and must feel awful. So of course I’m doing eggs for breakfast to rectify!

I love all these, making me

just remembered another.
MIL has certain ideas (some based on facts, some are utter bull) and so she often gives us things with the slogan "it's good for you". these items get the prefix "propaganda".
for example DS3 has just put some propaganda honey in his tea
🤣

@ReachedTheEndofCake

awww! nice!😁

Anybody asking the time in our house gets the automatic response “summertime!” sung in the manner of Sharpay from HSM.